Posted by lifelover on April 28, 2011, at 15:13:35
I swear my mind is playing tricks on me man. Its like I think I do have ocd and i can deal and manage most of it(the compulisive stuff) but over the past year new stuff has came up and its ben real hard.. My mind will start wandering and thinking about who Ive lied to and done dirty to and then my mind will try to make me believe that until I appolagize to that person or tell him or her what Ive done than I will keep thinking about the bad deed. Yesterday because I had not worked in a couple of years I lied to an employer who doing a phone interview with me and said I worked demolition and at this other place.. Then after I hung up the thought came in my head that if I dont tell this guy I lied to him I will keeep thinking about what Ive done wrong. I tried to block the thought out of of my head or think about something else but it always was in the back of my mind, until I finally called the guy and told him. Suprisingly he wasnt mad but it was still embarassing.However I was relieved and my mind was good for a little bit. Last night out of no where my mind brought up another "wrong" doing where I was talking about my 2 very close friends with some other not as close friends and I brought up their criminal history.Now mind you this was over a year ago and up until today I didnt think it was that wrong, I think after I said it i realized maybe I shouldnt have said it, but doods where im from some of them at least some look up to doods that are gangsta, Fast foward to today and now the thought of guilt has been on my mind and my minds trying to tell me it wont leave till I tell each one of them what I did... I dont know what to do... Is this ocd? I already embarrassed myself yesterday telling that employer I lied, which I feel was totally irrational.. but its like my mind is just messing with me.. I was going to wait a couple of months till I lost weight to restart the nardil(which helps ocd SA and Depression tremendously for me) but botttomm line my life continues to be on standby and not improving so I feel now is the time to get back on it. What should I do guys how should I handle this? I can deal with the compulive stuff but these thoughts are beggining to be to much for me and I need help fast? What should I do, anyone been through this? Please help
poster:lifelover
thread:983991
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20110418/msgs/983991.html