Posted by floatingbridge on November 24, 2009, at 11:21:02
In reply to Re: Why do I feel suicidal? To Floatingbridge, posted by Meltingpot on November 24, 2009, at 5:27:10
Denise,
You sound like you are in allot of pain--I'm really sorry. And it sound like maybe you aren't getting the support you need from NHS and your doc. Do you think they understand how much you are suffering?
Umm. My therapist of the past 1.5 years doesn't seem afraid or hesitate to ask me difficult questions, incisive yet kind. He's older than me (70's) maybe, and for a variety of reasons, I trust him. (He could see beyond my 'personality', or how I 'present', and see the pain I was in.) He's provided a useful diagnosis (he is also my pdoc) that has begun to help me see more deeply into my illness (and I am a good candidate for therapy). He isn't afraid to change his mind when observation calls for it. My other therapist (a woman) was kind and compassionate, but sometimes would just let me cry the way a good friend might. Ultimately, without insightful input and information, I found myself not progressing, and in some ways, deteriorating. However, even 'good' therapy does not work well for me unless I am well-medicated.
>My depression is definitely chronic, in fact sometimes I wonder if this is just who I am (and that really does scare me).
My current doc is really the first one who addressed this same belief in me head-on. Sadly, it had never really occurred to me before. It is a scary thought, and anxiety provoking--but when one is depressed for so long...well, I understand. I really do. It isn't who you are. Remind yourself daily, even if you feel doubtful. Get others to remind you that you are more than your illness. I know right now you are largely unmedicated. What will you try next? You can feel better--it's really possible.
At times, I have thought about 12 step meetings. I know many folks in the program deal with mood disorders. Also, in the states, there is NAMI, and they run support groups. Airing out thoughts and fears really helps me maintain.
hugs and peace,
fb
> Hi FB,
>
> Thanks for your post, in what way are you finding your new therapist helpful? How is she different to the one that you really liked but who ultimately didn't help you.
>
> I have asked about group therapy but they don't do it in my area on the NHS. I might do some further investigation though.
>
> As to why they won't give me ECT I think it's because I'm not classed as having a major depressive episode. My depression is definately chronic, infact sometimes I wonder if this is just who I am (and that really does scare me). I don't cry uncontrollably or anything like that I just feel incredibly anxious, irritable, weak, despondent and apathetic.
>
> I'm taking the Zyprexa every 7 days just to stop myself from really going down but if I don't take it then I just lose the will to live. It seems that when I'm unmedicated no matter what I try to do, exercise, speak to friends, do something constructive etc etc, nothing makes a scrap of difference and it just feels hopeless.
>
> Thanks so much for your comments.
>
>
> Denise
poster:floatingbridge
thread:926250
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20091117/msgs/926816.html