Posted by garnet71 on February 6, 2009, at 21:18:07
I'm hoping someone could recommend a short-term tactic to fill a gap in my long-term wellness strategy that is a work in progress, much like everyone else's here.
Today I was 1 milligram of Ativan away from having a nervous breakdown while driving in my car. I had a panic attack while driving to then through the city; almost hyperventilated; white flashes of light kept permeating the shadows of my eyelids when I blinked. I was so dizzy I almost passed out at the most dangerous intersection in the city. I had to take 2 Ativan in the car, plus shots of Bach's Rescue Remedy to get me through until the Ativan kicked in. I have just 2 milligrams of Ativan left until PDoc appt. on the 12th. The only reason I was recently able to get a script of Ativan to sustain me was because the office manager who I spoke with had her own experience of being accused of drug seeking when she went to the hospital ER for a post-surgery complication. When I called and asked, she told me I had to go to the ER. I started crying and told her I can't go there and be accused of being a drug seeker again while they watch me lose my mind (this happened about 4 years ago). She worked it out with my primary care doc so that I could get the script. However, I don't believe they did not give me a sufficient dosage (.5 x 3); When primary care nurse called back, I noticed she did not ask me for my weight-but I did not want to add that information so as to be sensed as a suspected drug seeker (whatever the %$#% drug seeking means). But the Ativan is going to run out soon-I have 2 milligrams left.
My endo appt. is next week after PDoc appt. I don't want medications to taint my test results. Would Ativan, if I were able to even get a refill, skew cortisol test results? Would alchohol, if I was forced to use it to repress my nervous system until my appointment, mess that all up too? Which would be worse? The most effective solution when I am at home is to take a whole carton of epsom salts and soak in warm water and take a bath, in addition to Valerian and Kava teas; Melatonin helps sleep. I take nothing regularly enough, and also have to function outside of a bath tub more often than not.
After endo tests are done, I will need something to sustain me until I figure this all out. In addition, if endo tests are negative, I need to devise Plan B--in advance so that I can get through school next semester. Today I already took a leave until next semeser for Grad program; still have to complete UG program ending at the end of May, among other things.
I am thinking of trying Buspar, while augmenting with Ativan until it takes effect. I am also thinking Adderall. I cannot take anti-depressants. They make me depressed. I do not feel depressed and feel a bit more motivated since I quit taking them 2 weeks ago. Could the anxiety just be from a sudden withdrawal? I didn't taper as well as I should have. I had to get them out of my body. However, since quitting Zoloft and Wellbutrin (Wellbutrin added after the Zoloft and I only experienced the side effects of the generic version-with none of the benefits I've had before with the brand). After quitting xxRIs, my mood immediately improved; experienced a bit of hypersexuality; a bit more energy but not much; I started listening to music again; also felt more sociable and spending time with friends again. Anxiety came back, but all the other systems with the exception of reflief of those listed above, are still here:
- severe anxiety
- inability to focus on mental activities
- inability to concentrate
- lack of motivation
- can't read much from focus issues
- intense cravings of carbs and sugar
- feeling hung over w/o drinking alchohol
- limited abstract thinking
- short-term memory loss
- tired no matter how much sleep I get
- overwhelmed from everything to catch up on as a result of the above
- Eye problem: right eye vision distorted; everything slants downward/computer screen appears crooked; had undiagnosed pain in this eye several years ago-pain is off/on over years; have some tears in my retina, but there is no pain with retinal detachment
- No problems with focusing or completing non mental chores such as dishes and houseworkI've had ADD symptoms since I can remember.
If anyone knows of a solution, please advise. Thank you in advance.
poster:garnet71
thread:878621
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20090203/msgs/878621.html