Posted by Rocky-Exentric on November 10, 2008, at 7:56:00
40 male. been on medications (several) for the past fifteen years. had 8 ECT too. still I want to die...I flushed that remaining pack of stablon which my doc said will be my last resort. now I am only left with enough Xanax bars and Lorazepam 2mg pills. I want to die at any cost but xanax and lorazepam both keeps me at least going. don't be afraid of knowing my current dose. Three bars of xanax (6mg) and lorazepam 2mg for three times. Still my heart is pounding.
I know people here are very sympathetic, but please have a look on the medications I took for the past fifteen or so years to get the hell out of depression---
elavil, tofranil, nardil, parnate, prozac, zoloft, paxil, cipralex, adderral, ritalin, molindon, stelazine, thorazine, seroquel, zyprexa, notiptyline, desipramine, cymbalta, effexor, luvox, feliz, diazepam, provigil, focalin, even weed...
nothing helped me beyond seven days. whenever any new medication has been obtained, my enthusiasm skyrocketed only to recognize it is nothing but another trash.
Now i have a good amount of alprazolam and lorazepam left. I take xanax 2 mg tid along with ativan same dose. this keeps me going, but I am not sure how far and how long i can. so far for heavens sake no tolerance has been occurred, but I know it is only a matter of time.
Today when was standing at the balcony, I thought seven stairs height might not kill me so why not go little up and try. then I thought of the meds I had with me. shouldn't it be reasonable to wait at least i develop tolerance to those?
Addiction... buvaaaaaaaa... who cares. but do you have any suggestion to save me from the inevitable fall? I will fall for sure but can't I at least lengthen it using my favouite bars and Ativan?When I started using meds before 15 years apart, my dose of xanax was 0.25 bid. still i didn't take it. the same myself now take 6mg of of it not enough; same amount of lorazepam too.
It is life. But how long it will be?
poster:Rocky-Exentric
thread:862010
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20081106/msgs/862010.html