Posted by bulldog2 on June 23, 2008, at 9:39:39
In reply to Sexual Obession, posted by Ali Jones on June 21, 2008, at 10:36:22
> I think i've always had obsessive tendencies. Ever since i was a kid i would go from one obsession and compulsion to the next. Some examples when i was younger i would actually do things like gently slap my cheek several times everytime i yawned. I would also say this phrase in my home language at least 3 times before i went to bed. And if i didnt say it just right i would have to repeat myself. I was always adjusting things around me to make sure that everything was alright. Eventually i lost these compulsions diminished only to turn into something else. I would constantly over-analyze everything and feel guilt about the most trivial things. As a result i would confess to my parents to even the smallest and most trivial things. At first i thought i was just being honest but looking back i feel as though the confessing was only a way to relieve the anxiety associated with the guilt.
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> As a i got older, these were again replaced by other obsessive thoughts. I would be in conversations with friends and i would be analyzing everything said and done. I would read into every joke and think about the perfect response. It got to the point where i couldn't enjoy talking to anyone because i would obsess about how i should function and act socially.
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> I finally went to the doctor about this and he prescribed lexapro. At first it didnt do much but after a month or so i found the obsessive thoughts lessened. Unfortunately i gained a whole bunch of weight and also found that i couldnt finish during sex so he switched me over to wellbutrin. Big mistake, i was anxious and all over the place. Eventually he switched me over to prozac. A month into prozac, during the middle of sex i found i couldnt maintain an erection. I immediately freaked out and apologized to my partner and told her this kind of thing never happened to me (which was true, even on my worst days i was always able to perform. Ever since that day i've been worrying non-stop about this. Everytime i would engage in sex it would be a test to see if i could perform rather than an enjoyable experience. Some days i wouldn't be able to and this would worsen my anxiety and other days i would be able to function just fine and my anxiety would be kept at bay for just a little while until the "what if" thoughts come back. Hell i remember one time where the sex was amazing and after leaving her house i was just overcome with anxiety because i was thinking "yeah this time it was fine, but next it probably wont".
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> Its gotten so bad that its all i can think about these days. I would be sitting in a movie theatre see a beautiful woman on screen and try to will an erection. I would hug my girlfriend or kiss her just to see if i can get a reaction out of myself.
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> I told the doctor about this and he put me on luvox for the obssessional thoughts and told me that it wouldn't have as many sexual side effects as the others. Unfortunately, it was much worse than everything else and made me lose all sensation down there. When i told him about this he put me on parnate. I've been on 30 mg for about a week now and while i know its too early to tell if its working it already feels incredible hard to have an orgasm. Just like with the luvox sensation is lessened.
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> I feel like this is a double edge sword. My obsessions are of a sexual nature about how i can't perform, and the medications that are supposed to treat me are making me feel less confident about myself sexually.
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> Oh and the doctor gave me viagra to see if i could perform and give myself the confidence. I remember trying it once and it not working (because popping the blue pill made me even more aware of my situation). It also sucks because even if it did allow me to perform i would just feel anxious about the next time. I feel like these tests to see if i can get an erection are my compulsions...There's an drug memantine that show's promise for ocd and doesn't have any side effects.
poster:bulldog2
thread:835768
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080617/msgs/836031.html