Posted by BrightEyed+Blueberry on April 29, 2008, at 1:47:02
I feel the desire to put my story out there--especially if it will help another person "go for it" despite the scariness of trying the "stigmatized" maoi-class of drugs that EMSAM falls under. And my own self-oriented reaons- I don't want the pharma to stop making this patch before I have some "real time" under my belt--er, stuck to my skin under my belt/various straps, etc.! (Wouldn't hurt to drop the cost of this $450+ medication either--does it really cost that much to make? Hmmm) Anyway, maybe I should continue posting once/week or twice a month, as things change/stabilize/continue or stop working....It'd be nice, esp with newer drugs, to have a quarterly "follow-up"-- say, in the months of March/June/Sept/Dec.. Just thoughts. But back to my point: to post (share) and go to bed (sleep)!
I have been on EMSAM for 1 month now and it has helped me with my atypical depression. I'm no longer apathetic (as the last year of being on Effexor made me). I have motivation; I get things done. I'm not euphoric, but I feel "normal." I have energy that takes me from waking in the morning through going to bed at night. It has enabled me to exercise consistently, 3-4 days per week.
I'm not always hungry and looking forward to the next meal/snack. It's easier for me to discpline myself in terms of my diet.
I'm able to "get organized" again - trying and using new apps online to schedule my time, create to-do and project lists AND actually tick off COMPLETED tasks - I finish things now. I'm still in process of organizing my time and goals and becoming more efficient. It is a process that will take time and I'm fine with that, moving forward a little bit everyday. Nothing crazy fast, just-moderate. Which I like.
My social phobia has lessened; I make and commit to plans and go without thinking too much about it --without thinking "isolationistic." Again, no miracles here - I believe I'm coming out of my shell, slowly but surely. It might be slow but its substantial compared to say, 6 weeks ago.
This medication worked fast for me - I felt it with the first few days. It actually enhances my libido - and I'm a female talking here (I've read many reports re: libido + selegeline from older men, so I thought i'd report my finding. I'm in my mid 30's. Though, I speculate that perhaps after 10 years of various SSRIs, my libido is basically back to normal, and therefore only seems "enhanced".)
Cravings for recreational stimulants - insufflating cocaine (which I never really liked, but it's still addicting if it's around, and apathy/feelings of boredom really lend themselves to stimulant use-->abuse for me) or methamphetamine (drug of choice--interesting, what one's drug of choice might say about which medications might work for one, and what [and where in the..] brain "Stuff" is going on.) From what I know about selegiline metabolizing into amphetamine and methamphetamine....I wonder if it helps others as much as it helps me in just not thinking about even doing that stuff. Even if I force myself to think about it--incredibly, I just don't crave it. there's no spark of interest. (Often, in the past, if I felt even a little better on whatever anti-depressant I was on, the AD might push me into over-confidence and into using. Or, the opposite - theAD not really working [partial response-which is tantamount to 0 response--I'm a firm believer in deserving of 100% response/remission, damn the pdocs any less -- partial=acceptable from pdocs and myself is the kind of attitude that kept me on Effexor for so long] and I don't care about anything, and i'm depressed, so the thought of using was what could get me out of bed and out into the world-albeit into drug seeking behavior. But, after the first day, it would be downhill from there. 2 steps forward...3 steps back. The typical drill. Constant state of not getting anywhere in life--all aspects--mental, emotional, physical health--career, relationships. It's like it would be overkill. Though like I said, I'm not living in a state of euphoria; I feel "normal." Maybe it's suffice to say I'm "normalized"-- stabilized. I'd fallen back into using like that, weekends.
Back to EMSAM. I have some trouble falling asleep, and don't like to take meds to help me sleep, because historically they make me feel tired the next morning, and I like to wake up feeling...well-rested and awake--like Wellbutrin did for me. I do have xanax and neurontin to help with sleep if necessary. I can sleep 8 hours if the option is available to me.
It has been a month and the impatience that accompanied the first few weeks has subsided somewhat--being impatient and acting aggressive with people close to me was especially bad within the 1st 4 hours of affixing the patch.
Now I'm feeling tired in the afternoons. I wonder if its because of the <7 hours of sleep I've been averaging. 6 hours of sleep is not enough for me. 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep is my next goal I'm setting my mind to. It means going to bed by 11pm. Perhaps I'll buy an eye mask--now there's an idea thats cheap and not a systemic psychopharmalogical solution--I like it!
And I'll try to stop obsessing about perfection and being too focused on things like typing up emails or posts at 11pm! But, I will take time to add my eye mask to my to-do list! Cheaper than buying drapes/new curtains! Esp. cuz even with my insurance, EMSAM costs $150/month. Plus, I pay for my own insurance.
I recommend giving EMSAM a try, especially for anyone with atypical depression (there's research there for sure, re: atypical depression + maois), recurrent treatment-resistant depression. BTW, only paxil worked for me really well -- and that was probably because it was "My FIRST" AD--and it petered out after 1-2 years, as it made its slpw ascent from 20mg...to 40, then 60. Made me kind of anorgasmic initially, which only "came back" 50%, if that makes sense. And kinda made me unafraid to engage in other "risk-taking" behavior--of various sorts. But hey, trying a belly-dancing class at the gym was "risk-taking" behavior for me at that point. I also traveled solo through asia and central america and did lots of great things. Paxil really helped with my social phobia at the time. I dont know, I attribute that to an "initial SSRI" kind of thing. And luck of the draw that my intial SSRI was the "right" one for me. Again, though, Ive done the SSRI-peter, with Paxil, Prozac, Lexapro, and Effexor, which I know is additionally an NRI. All eventually augmented with Wellbutrin SR or XL along the way (200-300mg/day), and Xanax in tow (PRN--> 1mg/day).
Hope this helps!
-6mg/day EMSAM patch
-1mg Xanax.Love/Light,
Bright
poster:BrightEyed+Blueberry
thread:826188
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080420/msgs/826188.html