Posted by obsidian on March 15, 2008, at 0:06:37
In reply to Re: do meds do anything??, posted by yxibow on March 13, 2008, at 4:55:34
I want to thank you for your thoughtful response. What I liked most about it was how you described your difficulties so early on. I have always been so incredibly sensitive.
I cannot begin to understand what my "hard wiring" might be. There is not much I am sure of in fact, but one thing I do think I know is that I have likely been more uncomfortable in my skin than most human beings.(and I don't think I am being overly subjective there)so seroquel helps me be "functional"...but god I hate that idea!!
I just came out of a really nasty slide downwards after being off the seroquel for a while, and using marijuana to relax. Being high all the time was the first thing I discovered years ago that helped me cope. then I stopped, picked up the meds, klonopin didn't quite cut it along with the effexor, so I settled on low dose seroquel for a while, then lamictal came into the picture somewhere along the way.
A few months ago though I got tired of being tired and not so thrilled with the seroquel weight gain and feeling a little flat so I ditched it. Then came the marijuana into the picture albeit briefly, but I had to keep smoking it and then my head was very, very busy and I was very very sad....and isn't the universe such a lonely, f*ck*d up, broken place.....(sigh) but isn't it though really?and then came the internal dialogue-
...."alright dammit, I'll take the seroquel, and the klonopin, and while you're at it, raise the effexor, sure"
I hate them and I am thankful for them at the same time...but mostly right now I think I HATE them- so perhaps some very serious life changes could help, but like I have described I've never functioned well...there has never been some discrete easily defined period of time which I can easily describe as my "not well" time verses my "well" time, just real meltdowns verses hanging on for dear life
eh...well now I just feel melodramaticanyway, I am sorry you've had to struggle with the burden of OCD, I've seen people absolutely tormented by it. It's just not fair, it isn't.
Good luck in your search. I hope you find more answers. It sounds like you've done a lot of hard work. again...thanks for your response :-)
-sid
poster:obsidian
thread:817447
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20080303/msgs/818029.html