Posted by LlurpsieBlossom on December 6, 2006, at 21:12:14
Another clean bill of mental health... Well, I think I'm pretty freaking stable if I can talk to my parents, give a 2+ hour presentation (quasi interrogation?) on my research, concentrate for hours at a time, go to a babble-party, have dinner with a high-ranking Uni officer and senior faculty job candidate, and have really hard T sessions last week. not bad, huh?
I will not lie to you, I have experienced some dissociation, and one panic attack in the last week. I have been doing some fairly unusual behavior for me- taking long walks in sub freezing temperatures home from the office. Pretty late too. Probably not safe, but I like the cold air, and I like having a chance to be alone with myself, and not feel desperate or overwhelmed.
I have been taking the following cocktail since the leaves fell off the trees here in N. America
Seroquel 300mg
Cymbalta 120mg
Provigil 200mgsince last week, I've been also taking .5mg of klonopin every 2 days or even every day. It's just too much sometimes, and I have to keep going, because if I stop to indulge my tears I feel I might spiral into this panicked paralysis where nothing makes sense, and I become self-destructive just to feel like I belong in my body, and my body belongs in this time and place. Dissociation/depersonalization whatever. . But I've been able to stave off most of that nasty stuff, and keep my cool, and my wits, and my mind about me when I need it. I've been staying super busy by working and p-babbling, and having friends over and stuff.
I would not have been strong enough to do this kind of psychological heavy-lifting even 3 or 4 weeks ago. I think the stability of my moods, and the perception of having control over my reactions gave me the courage to talk to my T on Thursday, attend babble-party on Friday, talk to my parents on Sunday and do 10 hours of powerpointing on Monday. That's pretty good!
The other thing is that I cut out caffeine (except for green tea and the occasional black tea). I think that this has really helped me keep my anxiety in check.
I hope you all can get the most out of every day that you can. Somedays you can do some heavy lifting and other days it's all you can do to protect yourself. No matter, take pride that you are doing the best job you can with what you've got available to you.
ll
poster:LlurpsieBlossom
thread:711042
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20061206/msgs/711042.html