Posted by KCSLL on February 3, 2006, at 20:54:01
In reply to Re: Help Me Please, posted by Racer on February 3, 2006, at 19:32:39
Thank you to each of you for your kind support. I really appreciate the time you have all taken to reply to my posting.
I know that seeing a psychologist would be the best thing I could do but I do not have extended medical coverage and cannot afford one right now. I did find a great counsellor (who is funded through the government). Unfortunately I have not been able to see her lately because I have moved and she is far from my new place. I will get myself there again because she was very good to talk to and I learned a lot going to see her. From the sessions I had with her I have learned that I am addicted to chaos and actually cause a lot of the chaos in my life. I do believe this is true and I think what has happened is it has just gotten so out of control that I am breaking down. She strongly suggests I go on a silent retreat for 10 days. She said I would get more out of that than all of the counselling she could ever give me. Of course because of the chaos I cannot take the time off of work to go to the silent retreat to help with the chaos in my life.Thank you also for the information about the medications. Knowing the order as you explained them is very helpful. I tried to look up some information earlier about the different classes of antidepressants and got a little overwhelmed at all of the information and didn’t really know where to start. You made it clear for me. I tried Citalopram about a year ago. I didn’t really feel anything on it but I may not have been on it long enough to know. I am going to see my doctor tomorrow and want to be educated a bit about what I would like to try. I will use the information you provided to look into some different options. I will also take the advice to see if there may be a medical reason why I am feeling like this. I have been tested for a hyper thyroid a few times in the past because I have some of the symptoms. I did not know that your thyroid could have something to do with depression, I am going to ask my doctor to test it again. Depression seems to run in my family. I have felt down at times in my life and believe that I have definitely been depressed before but this time is just so different because I have felt this way for so long and feel so hopeless this time. I have always been a very strong person and able to overcome just about anything and now I feel completely defeated. I am the person that usually motivates other people. I always believed anyone can succeed in anything they want to and now I find it hard now to picture my life getting any better or succeeding in any aspect of it. I feel like I have had to fight so hard for everything and I have no fight left in me.
I apologize for being all over the place and I hope I am not coming across complacent and whiny. I know there is no simple solution and that I need to do like you suggested, baby steps. It is just so hard to motivate myself to do anything and so easy to do nothing.
I guess we end up like this from a bunch of different events over a long period of time and have to accept that it is going to take time to change. It is just so hard when it is you.
I really do appreciate your support, it is so nice to know that there are such kind people out there.
Thank you again all of you.
poster:KCSLL
thread:606003
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20060129/msgs/606096.html