Posted by zeugma on August 16, 2005, at 15:53:56
In reply to Re: Can Narcolepsy ADHD Co-exist?? » zeugma, posted by bimini on August 14, 2005, at 20:12:17
Hi B,
I relate to this completely. Especially about the dislike of propaganda... when communication is so difficult, why waste valuable signal time with meaningless and destructive bullsh*t?
I feel like I have an allotted amount of signal time, which is why I conserve my energy as carefully as possible to avoid becoming excessively drained before my designated 'crash days' (usually Sunday where I barely get out of bed to go to the bathroom).
I do not feel coherent off medication. It is as if my head is full of broken glass that reflects random glints of light. On medication, I feel like I have a facsimile of a 'user illusion' (term from some book that tries to show our mental lives aren't real- thesis is false, but useful in explaining my lack of said life) but not much of one. I have a semblance of a self, in my better moments.
provigil gives me extreme dry mouth. I thought Strattera was bad, but my tongue literally feels like a withered plant on modafinil. It is the reason I'm on Ritalin now, to get me through this crappy stretch where I have to take an antifungal to ward off the mouth infections that i am vulnerable to on this drug. Ritalin has an inadequate half-life and doesn't treat enough target symptoms. I am looking for optimal treatments, not ideal ones. And stimulant side effects are not well tolerated by me. Unlike other classes of meds, I do not develop tolerance to any side effect I experience on a stim.
My sleep doc was very interested in whether I had a seizure history. I don't, if you except the times I would dream I was flailing in agony on my apartment floor with a violent pain in my head and trying to reach the phone to call 911 for an ambulance. I would tell myself that when I awoke I would reach the phone I would call the ambulance (the pain was that intense, and I also fully knew that I was dreaming. I lost the 'user illusion' when it comes to dreams a long time ago). Then I would wake in bed, with a residual migraine, but safely in bed nowhere near the phone. Nortriptyline is very good at preventing these kinds of attacks, hence I believe this is not some weird variation of nocturnal epilepsy.
Living without user illusions, though- the guy who wrote the book is full of it, if it were true everyone would feel this way.
-z
poster:zeugma
thread:537659
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20050816/msgs/542534.html