Posted by sailor on November 9, 2004, at 12:28:41
I am an occasional poster who would be posting more often if (when) I find success in treating my 30 yr. history major depression. One of my biggest struggles, which I think I handle well, is to maintain a belief that there always can be, might be, could be and will be better days. I am intelligent, have in many ways been a "high achiever" (school teacher, school administrator, professional entertainer, etc.), but depression has robbed me of the ability to relax, to enjoy many things I used to enjoy, and was partly to blame for 3 ended marriages. I would love to read, but I do not have a "relaxed state" that allows me to lose myself in such an activity. My brain wont stop being aware of how lousy I really feel. It's almost like living with two simultaneous awarenesses--one about what you're doing and what's going on around you, the other about how you know your brain/mood state is always trying to drag you down. And above all, you know you are experiencing, feeling life in a very different way than other "normal", non-depressed people. I do not suffer from guily feelings, I do not have low self-esteem, and I am not suicidal. I guess I could be if I thought there was no chance of getting better. As with many of you, I have been a dilligent,at times desperate researcher of psychopharmacology. Lots of med trials, some with considerable periods of success in earlier years (amitriptylene, trazodone) . All of the popular SSRI meds have only made me feel worse. As with many of you, I am intrigued with, and suspect a dopamine problem, but the avenues for experimentation there are limited, and I have not had luck with what I've tried.
The above is sketchy...I offer it as raw data about one person,s experience that may be meaningful to someone.
I live in the Tampa Bay area and would like to know if anyone knows of a good p-doc around here who is up on psychopharmacology, willing to work with patients as a partnership, and is not conservative about trying meds and med combos.
Please post on the board or you may e-mail me at brionkerlin@yahoo.com I'm at the point of for the first time considering ECT, although for me that is a very last resort. Thanks to all of you who share your information and experiences. Nothing could be more valuable to us fellow travellers. Regards, peace. Sailor
poster:sailor
thread:413817
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041108/msgs/413817.html