Posted by rainy on October 29, 2004, at 14:57:13
In reply to Going off Welbutrin also..... » rainy, posted by stresser on October 29, 2004, at 12:53:53
Rats, what a mystery. Let's try a babble again--maybe I'm doing it wrong. I have to say I'm disappionted, practically my entire life story was there for you to see although it was definatly more than you probably wanted to know. Maybe we're being protected. Halloween for the traditionalists, Sanheim--not sure about the spelling there-- for the Pagans among us is just around the corner.
You must sometimes feel like banging your head against several walls, or as if you are
doing that already. My mother used to roll her eyes up in her head and murmer "So help me, god" at which time I would stomp out of the room, slamming and banging. Yet another drama queen.
Our arguments were over everything, not just food and my weight, which was over the top. Hair style, bra straps (mine kept falling down) friendships, everything was up for judgment. The underlying issue seemed to be that I wasn't in charge of my own body or really any other aspect of my life. Also, that I wasn't quite good enough. I don't get the sense that that's how it is with you and M.
When I discovered that I could starve myself and then keep my weight down by barfing it up, I for once felt good about myself for awhile. I could be in charge of this part of my being and she couldn't do a thing about it.
You guys have already figured out that I'm a combination of insecurity and assertivness. Also depending on his mood, David calls me either determined or relentless. So the more involved Edna got with my eating habits, the more determined I was to keep her out of this arena. I lied, I fed the cats my poached eggs, all sorts of stuff.
I did take stimulants that were available in the early 60s--dexedrine, that kind of stuff to suppress my appetite--people with anorexia are usually hungry bears, and no-doz to keep my metabolism going. My only thought was being thin and that, eventually, took control of me. Poor body--it's amazing that I'm as physically healthy as I am.
I didn't figure out a name for what ailed me until I was in my late 20s with two kids--still at odds with Edna, although she didn't realiaze I was still struggling with bulimia.
I somehow latched onto a copy of Hilde Baruch's (sp) book on eating disorders and remember still the feeling of creepiness I felt at recognizing the symptoms she descibed as my own. I don't know why it's lasted so long--I don't blame my parents, but then I've never relly dealt with it either.
I guess what I want to say you already are well aware of. You already know it's a family thing and you are already involved with M's pdoc. Does she have a therapist, too? I didn't.
Everything I've read suggests family therapy as an adjunct to medication in treating eating disorders.
You and your husband must be going through a purely horrible time where almost everything you do seems to be the wrong thing and then when you do have a breakthrough, it lasts for about 20 seconds. I'm sorry, I speak in hyperbole.
I mean, we can shore you up here on the board, and listen, but I'm no expert, dispite being one if you know what I mean, and I'm not sure others are either. I hope you have somebody who knows what he/she is talking about and can give you real good professional advice.
In the long run, what happens is in M's court. I mean you can't solve this problem for her. You just can't. I think, and this is opinion, that what she needs is good steady non judmental support from you and her dad-- and a therapist and her doctor. Expensive as hell.
I don't mean to say that M can help herself or is deliberately choosing bulimia. Not true. But I do think that she needs somebody outside the family to enable her to understand what's going on. And to help her deal with whatever medication side effects pop up--they might be different in a young woman than an older person.
And here's a wild hope: if you aren't doing it already, I wish you could take up tennis or hand ball or racquet ball or something where you get to legitimately hit something and maybe have a good time, too. Not just in class. I wish you could do something wonderful for yourself.
And even though I don't know you and may have just stepped all over your toes, unless you are adverse to hugs, here's a big one.
rainy
poster:rainy
thread:5053
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041029/msgs/408813.html