Posted by Daniel Woodfield on October 8, 2004, at 9:38:29
Hi there, thanks for listening.
I have suffered for a very long time with three things.
GENERAL ANXIETY (GAD), SOCIAL ANXIETY, and CHRONIC STRESS.
Personally i believe these three things all started because of a chronic self-esteem issue, however have become such a devstatingly strong part of my life that i make myself unwell on a daily basis.
I imagine i could be labelled a hypochondriac with all of the things i have thought are wrong with me, but regardless of my label, the facts are that the prolonged and severe symptoms caused by the conditions outlined above are causing severe social inadequacy, an inability to function at all on a daily basis and are having negative effects on my physical health.
As an example i have been in hospital once this year suffering from a heart arrythmia which had to be corrected with a drip, but no physical problems could be found, either in blood work or with an echocardiagram etc, so my doctor quite rightly has labelled me with an anxiety problem.
I am ONLY 22.
I cannot be around people without completely closing up and living inside my own head and this results in such anxiety that i make myself physically unwell, although i never have panic attacks interestingly enough, just put too much strain on my body, my symptoms being feeling physically sick and faint, or on the verge of something bad. (thats the only way i can describe it).
After unsuccessful trials with two SSRIs and Effexor (all of which made me feel very ill among other severe side effects, enough to make me feel i definitely dont need serotonin meds), my doctor gave me a two week taper of Librium. (this was about a year ago)
The first two days were the best two days of my life that i can remember and i was in awe of this medication, unfortunately i responded so well that my doctor thought it in appropriate to take the trial any further for fear of abuse if the medication became less effective, as he thought this was just an initial reaction that would fade, some kind of euphoria if you like. (His fear is not groundless because i have a history of depressant abuse, namely alcohol and marijuana, however these were both years ago, and rather than wanting to get high anymore i just want to function.)
Having convinced the doctor that needing relief and normalacy in my life, yesterday the doctor presribed me with 40 mgs of Librium a day on the basis that i can get some relief but when he tells me to stop, i have to stop. (I live in the UK, and he is sticking his neck out with even this little plan).
However while the 40 mgs is the exact same strength that provided me with much relief a year ago, this time round it is not achieving anything near the level of relief that it had done the first time. It is clearing up my physical problems, palpitations, agitation, teeth grinding, over stimulation in my tempral lobes etc etc, however it is not providing the feeling i had originally with my first trial a year ago, when i felt that the emotion of anxiety could never possibly exist.
in effect the physical symptoms of my anxiety seem to be diminishing but my mental ones do not. Im still very anxieous in fact. Again, for example, i was at University today for my first day back and found it just as hard as ever to be around the people in my class even though i trust and like every single one of them. I just have nothing to say, go into my shell and sit in silence, which is such a shame. I also started feeling faint and sick as a direct result. As i sit here alone in my house i feel absolutely fine although i have taken my third librium of the day (i take four lots of ten mgs btw), about an hour early, which may be adding to the fact that i feel ok, but i have no doubts in my mind that if i was in class right now i would be feeling as anxious as i was earlier.
The questions i have to ask are these i guess.
1) does anyone have any thoughts regarding this. Do you think that with the extra year of anxiety i have been through, during which i have become more and more desperate to the point of hopelesness, that my requirement of dose is higher than it was a year ago??
2) Do you think its too early in my treatment to be having doubts (two days in), its just i was under the impression, and especially baring in mind my tremendous response to the same drug a year ago, that the benzos generally work straight away and the relief felt on the first day is an indication of how well the treatment is going to get and its never going to get any better than that. Am i wrong in this thought???
3) Finally does anyone have experience in combining two benzos together, because i understand clonazepam to be the most used on this board with social anxiety, although i doubt there have been many tests using Librium because its a hardly used medication as i understand it, especially in America anyway. Im sure there are issues with toxicity in using two long half life benzos (well drugs in general) on a daily basis, is this a fair assumption??? Would it be worth just losing the Librium and trying clonazepam on its own???
The use of Clonazepam just to let you know would not be acceptable with my doctor. He is angry with me already for managing to talk him into using a benzo at all even if it is only a short term trial (although i reckon if im rsesponsible i can get him be felxible on the length of use), so i would have to buy Clonazepam from the Internet, something i don't fully trust. I have a pretty reliable source for meds but meds from my local pharmacy are much much better than anything i get sent from overseas.
Anyone have any thoughts on the above???I do have to say that i do like the relief the librium gives me for the physical symptoms of generalised anxiety (the daily palpitations and agitation etc), it just feels that its only managing to help with 33% of my problems.
Also i found SSRIs horrible medication that made my social anxiety way way worse and very physically unwell to boot, not to mention the discontinuation which sucks. I understand Benzos have a horrible discontinuation also but i can't live my life like i do without medication, because it doesn't constitute a life and if its a choice between a medication with problems when quitting that helps and a choice between medication with problems quitting that makes me feel ill, i think its obvious which wins.
(I think doctors and preachers (the Internet kind) would also do well to look at the released list of prescription medication proving hardest to stop. Im pretty sure SSRIs lead the way hands down, so having survied the withdrawal od both Paxil and Effexor, i pretty confident i can deal with that of the benzos, although my life sucks so bad, if a benzo can rid me of my issues i have no problem taking it long term. If i have dementia when im 65, ill just have to deal with it then, im certainly not having a life that is on a par with hell just so i dont have memory problems in fourty five years time.)
My i have babbled on down here. Any thoughts on the questions posed though would be oh so welcome. Cheers.
Dan.
poster:Daniel Woodfield
thread:400326
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20041007/msgs/400326.html