Posted by cache-monkey on September 17, 2004, at 14:03:37
In reply to Depression and Mentally Challenging Work, posted by SadWren on September 16, 2004, at 11:33:31
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I am in the midst of my first major depressive episode. I am a PhD student whose "job" is essentially to conduct research and write papers, and since July I have done virtually nothing at all because I cannot seem to concentrate and/or motivate myself to do anything (then I lie awake at night panicking about the fact I have done nothing). Because the writing requires pretty intense focus for 3-4 hour periods, I find it impossible (reading has also been problematic).
I am on Effexor 150mg, but it hasn't changed anything yet (only 4 weeks in). I was wondering if anybody had any non-medication suggestions for working on cognitively taxing projects during depression. I am ok having lower productivity but having none at all is not sustainable and I am not sure how long I will be feeling this way (and from some posts, I am not sure I will get my motivation/concentration back while on this medication). Really don't want to give up the work, God knows I can't handle the real world (been there and learned that having people boss me around is very irritating).
>>For the last 8 months, I've actually been in a very similar position to what you describe. I'm also in a PhD program and am in the research/writing stage. No classes that I'm taking or teaching, so that all I'm left with every day is this huge daunting task. Thing is that it can become a vicious circle. You don't do anything for a couple of days, which feeds into anxiety/panic at night, and then its that much harder to work the next day.
I'm actually a bit better now, which I attribute to the combination of meds and therapy. The meds help to stabilize my underling mood, but I see the therapy as what's helping me to make (slow) progress on my patterns of thought. I.e. how I rationalize my mood. It's also helping to make (equally slow) progress on my work and life habits.
So, if you're not in therapy, I would highly recommend it. And it's important that the fit be right. My university maintains a list of therapists who regularly deal with grad students and our specialized concerns. And even in that universe, there can be variation in the subjective quality of your match with the therapist (equally important). I went and met with about 4 people on the list until I found someone who seemed right for me.
Another thing: How far along are you? If you aren't planning on heading on the job market this year, try not to worry too much about what "work" you're not getting done. You are doing valuable work on your mental health. If you are actually trying for the market this year, it might not be a bad thing to postpone that until you're in a better place.
Depression is serious, and it takes a while to overcome. Trying to rush the recovery can add to the anxiety/panic and actually make the processs take longer. I had to postpone my completion for a year. And I did have to end up borrowing to finance myself this year. But the since the "hurry up and go" constraint has been relaxed, this has allowed my slow progress to cumulate into something more substantial.
Well, I hope this helps a little. Good luck!
Peace,
cache-monkey
poster:cache-monkey
thread:391494
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040915/msgs/392021.html