Posted by Alesa on August 16, 2004, at 11:33:18
In reply to Re: Alesa: How do you know Depression ended?, posted by Waki on August 16, 2004, at 2:11:00
My cat is just a tabby, but she's very sweet and cute. She's all striped and coloured just like a grey bengal tiger. I love her so much, and she is so attached to me that if I were gone, she'd be the most hurt and confused out of anyone in my life. At least my friends and siblings would know where I'd gone, but she'd have no idea, the poor thing. She is one of my reasons for living because she brings so much joy in my life.
Interesting about the cat's purr. The sound and sensation of it is so therapeutic and relaxing and makes everyone smile. There is nothing more satisfying. Aren't cats so amazing? I also heard that research has shown that the purring helps maintain their bone density and helps keep their bones strong. Scientists are trying to find out if cats can help people fight osteoporosis. Maybe if they sit on your lap alot it can help strenghthen your bones!
I am 35 years old, and having been dealing with anxiety and depression since I was about 12 years old. I remember having my first panic attack in class, and I thought it was the flu. I was so terrified of it happening again, I stayed home for a week. My depression was really bad as a teen, and I used to cut my wrists, but not bad enough to substantially hurt myself or cut the vein, but enough to draw blood. I used to hit myself alot too, and pull my hair, spit at my reflection in the mirror. My self hatred and anger at myself was all consuming at times. People would always tell me how miserable I looked. My panic attacks intensified over the years, and I had to miss work because they would get so bad.
I would always blame others around me, like boyfriends or my job for my condition. It wasn't until my late 20's that someone pointed out it was pyschologically related, and then I started to re-think things. I blamed my father and family for YEARS after that. I hated my father and was so angry with him. He is partially to blame, but not entirely. It wasn't until Mom died three months ago I could finally forgive him and move on. I knew my depression needed to be treated or else I would die this way,just like Mom did. She was in so much pain and didn't know how to help herself, or accept help from others.
I realized it was also partially hereditary, and since it had been plaguing me for so long that I needed medication.
Funny how when you're depressed, you attract the kind of people that make you feel bad about yourself. When you recognize this, then you attract people that make you feel good about yourself, but you can't accept their compliments. You twist their words in your mind so that they come out critical and insulting.
So far, I still feel better on meds, but last weekend I felt a bit down and lethargic. We've had a heat wave here, so I'm hoping it's just the heat as our apartment gets stifling hot. Still no panic attacks, and I still can't cry. I still feel things, and still feel sad when I think of Mom, but no tears.
poster:Alesa
thread:109458
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040811/msgs/378249.html