Posted by sgoose on April 22, 2004, at 14:12:07
Hi, I'm going to make a long story short here:
1998 (17yrs old): Dx'd with Panic Disorder and GAD at first ever visit with psychiatrist after several years of severe panic/anxiety. Meds tried:
Prozac (made me lethargic, lazy, "dumb" and "numb")
+
Klonopin (killed the Panic to make life bearable)After complaining about the Prozac I was trialed with just about every other SSRI out at the time. I don't remember why I hated each different one but I know that one factor was the lack of any sort of improvement. I also gained about 40lbs on the Prozac (got from 'round 150 to 190-200) and I am now down to the 140's.)
Fast forward to 2002 (between 98 and 2002 I dropped out of college due to poor grades, couldn't seem to hold down a job, still having problems with anxiety/panic and quit the klonopin a few times which made life HELL, Spring 2002 I raged (during a Celexa trial) and the result was the end of the relationship that was holding me together through depression)
2003 Switched to another Pdoc and got a therapist, got a new DX of ADHD and GAD. Meds:
Metadate (worked 'ok' to increase focus, fight depression, but too jittery even with .5 mg Klonopin 2x a day. Pdoc gave me samples of Concerta 36mg and Adderall XR 20mg and said try both see what you like. Adderall XR won hands down. It was beautiful for like 2 months but it got weird when the Dr stopped my Klonopin (tapered appropriately). Didnt seem to work as well, started having anxiety problems...apprehension ..felt like a genius stuck spinning my wheels. Then comes the immediate release Adderall...More anxiety, but not so much the fearful type and lots of crashing. Then, he gives me Dexedrine(generic form). Less Anxiety less potent, smooth but the 15mg x3 a day dosing loses effectiveness. Sometimes seems like a sugar pill.
2004
My depression caught up with me as it always had during the winter months and I switched Pdocs for a 2nd opinion. New pdoc kept me on the same amount of Dex., added back Klonopin .5mg 2x a day and then added Wellbutrin XL 150mg. Been on the XL 150 for a month now.
Where I am at currently is like this: I'm in deep depression almost every day, no real Extreme highs or lows but hopelessness, inability to feel pleasure, stressed out about every little thing... I feel a little bit of a mood lift from Wellbutrin but I think it is adding to my anxiety/agitation. I'm desperate for improvement in my situation. Life has become so rigid and just plain not fun. Something interesting to note is that I used to smoke marijuana frequently in college (3 years ago or so) w/o panic problems then it started causing panic. I gave it up no problem didn't ever think much of it anyways. Then last night I smoked some, I smoked a lot and I felt a huge change. My body felt alive, my vision had color, but my attention span sucked. I also had some Panicky feelings that I fought off with deep breathing. I realized the panic was from my lack of self confidence around these people I was with and feeling so "different" from them. It was the social phobia I have dealt with all along but much more brutal like it was back in High School. The experience last night helped me see my situation in a different way, I did feel hope for a time and realized my brain is capable in some way of being in a better place.
Now for your pharmacology experts... Can you make sense of any of this? Shouldn't the severe change of mindset/mood/perception from the marijuana be a big clue as to what is wrong with my wiring? I'm looking for input from anyone who has experienced anything similar in the text above or has knowledge of all this. I'm really stuck at this point in my life, living with parents, no job, etc.
Sorry this did end up being long I appreciate anyone who reads all the way through.
sgoose
poster:sgoose
thread:338854
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040417/msgs/338854.html