Posted by Lyrical13 on January 6, 2004, at 17:18:51
In reply to Re: hypomania, posted by Gummybear on January 5, 2004, at 23:00:36
> My doctor said that I may be bipolar or have rapid-cylcing bipolar. There has been no bipolar ever in my family history. I am not convinced that I have either of these because I mostly feel depressed or really scared (anxiety) - and the moments that I feel okay, I just feel normal. But I did go out on boxing day and buy pants, 2 pairs of shoes, and a top - all of which I kinda need. I don't have all that much money, would this be classified as overspending????
I wouldn't think that would be overspending. It sounds like you are depressed... when I am depressed I have very little energy. Want to sleep a lot, read, lay around. Think of lots of things I should do but just can't get it together enough to do any of them. Can't make a decision to save my life. Even when I think "This is not that big of a deal. No one cares which socks you wear today. Just pick one" I still can't do it. It's a MAJOR decision. And I can't concentrate on anything, very restless, VERY anxious. constantly feel like I'm falling apart..this constant sense of dread. I feel like I have a major exam that I completely forgot about and didn't study and it's happening in 5 minutes and I haven't the slightest clue about the info on it. A sense of constant panic. And I think that feeling panicky all day long does wear you out. It takes a lot of energy to be anxious all the time. And I can't handle changes in routine..it takes so much energy for me to just get through the day..I can't handle any errands after work...just go home. And I have to write down everything..one to remember...but also to help me get through the day..I write out a schedule for myself of all the things I need to do and when and then I cross them off. It's like the anxiety takes over my mind so much that there's no room for anything else. When things are really bad, I can't work at all. I'm crying if someone looks at me sideways or sobbing for no reason at all.
I resisted the dx of bipolar for a long time because my biggest problems were depression and anxiety. I knew I had spending problems but I always thought that people spend money when they're depressed sometimes too. But the thing is, for me, I didn't spend when I was depressed. I go into phases where I'm afraid to spend anything. The only checks I write are for bills. I have a lot of anxiety about money. Always have. Maybe it's partly because money was such a big issue in our family...we didn't have it. And my mom would get upset when I asked for things that I needed (contact solution, e.g.)...I hated to ask for anything. Then my parents put me in the middle of all these money battles (they're divorced of course). I'm sure that's at least part of all my money anxiety and problems.
But, I spend when I'm in a good mood. I was hospitalized several years ago and the pdoc there tried to tell me I was bipolar. But he only saw me for all of 30 min late at night shortly after I had passed out from low blood sugar and I was trying to tell him that he didn't have the whole picture and he yelled at me. Literally. Got in my face and yelled "you have to listen to me!" and I said "No I don't have to listen to you!" and left the room. I think that's a big reason why I have resisted this dx for so long. Also my mom, the nurse who thinks she knows everything, tried to shove that dx down my throat too. I really resented that.
so BP is a very hard thing for me to swallow. I never even considered it. But when my pdoc mentioned it last month after I expressed some concerns about things I had noticed (sleep patterns, spending, felt like I was running on adrenaline, talking non-stop, louder, faster etc) then I started looking into it. As I read info about BP2, I recognized myself. The phenomennon of thinking you are whatever you read about happens a lot...it happened to me before (I thought I was having a stroke back when I was doing my master's research on stroke! Turned out to be a pulled muscle! But I had numbness on the left side that didn't go away etc)
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> I haven't had any urges to do any sort of "projects" but I think I may have developped an internet addiction. Mostly, I don't feel like doing anything except lying in bed and watching tv or surfing the net.
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poster:Lyrical13
thread:13781
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20040105/msgs/297297.html