Posted by bluzbrat on May 21, 2003, at 0:32:38
In reply to Re: Thank You All -To Hell With This!, posted by pumpkin on May 20, 2003, at 20:08:00
Hi! First of all, let me say that I am THRILLED to have found this site! I just spent the last couple of hours trying to read all the posts... unfortunately, I couldn't actually get them all up - or I was too impatient (dial-up h*ll)!
Brief (as possible - HA! I'm rather hyperverbal, and excessively parenthetical so I do apologize for the lengthy post! I really did try to keep it short!) background:
*Diagnosed with clinical depression about 2/3rds of the way through my undergrad (started 4 years out of high school). First med was Prozac. It worked, but the constant sweating drove me nuts and once I was stabilized after several months, I quit taking it (on my own)...
*Not-so-slowly sunk back into the major funk, put back on Prozac with closer follow up. This time when the sweats made me crazy and I was still SO difficult to awaken (regardless of how much I had slept), the doc had me try Effexor, which worked pretty well... for awhile. But I started experiencing an increasingly flat affect. No natural emotional highs or lows. And my tactile senses (especially my fingertips) went all wonky... to where I couldn't really feel. So I took myself off those too...not necessarily smart, I know...
*Many months later, having finished my undergrad but still in school for a teacher cert. program, I started seriously sinking again. I was in group therapy (for survivors of child sexual abuse) at student counseling services and they had an awesome doc who came once a week for meds. After consulting with him, we decided I should try Zoloft, which I've now been on for almost 10 years!
It seemed to work pretty well for me and I didn't seem to have any significant side effects... for a long time...
I was up to 100mg/day, 150mg/day during the week covering the few days before I started my period and the first few days of it. LADIES! TAKE NOTICE! Many meds are tested mostly on men, and those that are tested on women often don't take into account their menstrual cycles! If part of your depression tends towards PMDD, talk to your doctor about increasing your dosage during that week each month! It can make a HUGE difference! I know that for me, if I don't up my dosage then, it's like I haven't taken any at all and I crash... badly!
*Then, at the ripe old age of 32, I was (finally!) diagnosed with ADHD. It had been masked pre-K - 12th due to the facts that a)in the days when I was growing up, it was thought to mainly effect boys, and if you weren't literally climbing the walls, it wasn't really considered a possibility, and b)my giftedness. I was instead labelled a daydreamer, innovator, bored, unchallenged, unmotivated, etc.
So I started on Dexedrine. Now, I had self-medicated off and on over the years with recreational drugs, food, etc., but had never developed a drug addiction (other than nicotine - a stimulant - go figure!) - THANK G-D! But here I was being prescribed pharmaceutical speed at a relatively low dose (especially for my size), and not abusing it! Not even tempted to!
THE LIGHTS CAME ON!!! THE FOG LIFTED!!! WHOOOOOOP!!!
I was able to focus more appropriately, etc. Life as I knew it changed drastically for the better. And as an added bonus, I quit eating for stimulation (which I hadn't ever consciously realized I was doing before) and could actually tell when I was truly hungry and when I was satiated! I dropped an estimated 80 lbs. over the course of that first year, and boy did I need to! I felt great! Mind you, I was by no means a "skinny-minnie" at that point (lowest recorded weight back then was 218), but at a relatively healthy weight for my height and bone structure (picture large-boned, naturally muscular, German-Russian farm stock with middle-eastern curves) and steadily increasing my physical activity level again!
Meds on their own weren't the answer, though. Lots of research and guided- and self-education have also helped tremendously. It's nowhere near perfect, but neither is life.
About 2 years ago, I realized that I was experiencing Zoloft's dreaded sexual side effect. For a multi-orgasmic woman - this was a seriously frustrating problem.
*New home, new job, new doctor, new meds. And lots of changes in lifestyle...not all of them good. Physical activity level curtailed due to working 12-17 hour days and driving, instead of walking, to and from work...
The new doc kept me on the dex at first, but we lowered the Zoloft to 50mg/day (75mg/day on those days), and added Wellbutrin. BONUS BONANZA! Helped to cut down on my now 20-year long pack-a-day habit! BUT - (there always seems to be that BUT!) I experienced the dreaded side-effect of losing an excessive amount of my hair! FORGET THIS! I dropped the Wellbutrin with his blessing and just kept the Zoloft at the lowered dosage.
*We tried Ritalin - I felt too jittery and the metabolism rate was not stable enough. That is, the crash in focus-ability was intolerable.
*So we tried Adderall, which I've been on now for over a year. It seems to work pretty well.
*After some major crises caused by work and stress related migraines, I no longer stay at work for 12-17 hours. They took my keys away! :-) (Hey, at least they can't complain that I'm not a hard worker or dedicated!) I've put back on about 40 lbs. of that original ~80 lb. loss over the past two years or so, though. And I'm having some other problems... the lows often creep back into my life, especially when I'm stressed, overworked, etc. Sometimes the lows whack me in the back of my head like a 2x4. I find myself sleeping excessively, especially on weekends. It's not unheard of for me to not set foot outside my door from the time I get home at the end of the week until I leave to go back to work on Monday morning, save for perhaps one night out or one afternoon doing laundry at a friend or family-member's house. I try to rationalize a lot of it away by saying that I'm just overworked, overstressed, and tired, but I know that that's not the whole picture. The big D is also a culprit.
*Having read through many of the posts, I realize that the night sweats I've been experiencing off and on for quite some time now are probably a side-effect of the Zoloft - though they may also be hormonally caused as I am now 37 and perimenopause is far from unheard-of in my genes!
*I'm also still VERY often quite hard to awaken, virtually always late for everything (MAJOR, MMAAJJOORR PROBLEM!), often hyperemotionally sensitive, clutter my environments despite desperately wanting order, etc., all of which I realize only contributes to the depression... or, as (I think) Lee mentioned in one of her posts, AD/HD often masks itself and/or contributes to and/or actually causes depression, especially since we ADDers tend to negatively self-talk because we don't fit society's mold and are frustrated at our failed attempts to do so.
*Recently, a very close friend who has been on virtually every med known with little to no success FINALLY - in the deepest darkest pit she'd seen for over 10 years, found a doctor and therapist that she absolutely loves. Like me, she is a survivor of child sexual abuse and has struggled with depression, insomnia (I havn't mentioned this previously, but it is also a problem for me), and hypersomnia. She probably also has ADHD and is definitely gifted, but the ADHD has never been addressed. She started taking Lexapro and has experienced the wonders of crawling out of the pit of dispair to start rebuilding her life again. She also takes a low dose of Seraquel about an hour before she needs to go to sleep. She has started losing the excess weight and is functioning really well... she can go to sleep at night, she gets up without the major fogginess in the morning, goes to work at her new job, is rebuilding a family and social life, and is thrilled with the results.
*** What this all boils down to is this: Is there anyone out there who can relate to where I'm at right now? I'm considering asking my doc about trying Lexapro, but have been on the Zoloft for so long that I'm scared. I can't afford to start experiencing some of the horrid withdrawal effects I've been reading about, nor the possible initial effects of the Lexapro. I can't afford to start missing work again like I was for a while there when I was was overextending myself and had no life outside of work. But I also don't want to up the Zoloft again, especially if it's only going to increase the night sweats and affect my sexual functioning. And I don't feel like I can continue to live in this not quite full-blown depressed state. And I can't gain any more weight, but would really like to lose some again... not because I want to impress anyone, but for my own sense of well-being and comfort.
Feedback will be greatly appreciated! I'm at my wit's end here and don't know what to do!
Thanks! If you made it all the way through my posting to this point, then you either really care or you just have a purient interest; but in either case, you've made it this far and have earned a hearty CONGRATULATIONS! (And no, prizes will not be awarded for the most succint responses! ;-D)
Be well. Love and light to all,
da bluzbrat
poster:bluzbrat
thread:109458
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030520/msgs/228013.html