Posted by Theresa Rae on April 1, 2003, at 10:50:56
In reply to Re: Update - husband, depression, new medication » Theresa Rae, posted by LA on March 29, 2003, at 16:01:19
I do not suffer from depression myself, although last summer was really tough, and I think as a result of what was going on with my husband, I did slip into a temporary depression (it lasted maybe six weeks?) I slept a lot, was very serious, down, lethargic, hard to smile. Generally, I'm what you would call "happy-go-lucky," and an eternal optimist (thank goodness for that!)
I went in to see a psychologist for the first time a few years ago, and have been back to see him -- a few times a year, partly to retain my sanity, and partly to help me understand what to do with my husband. It was good to get the support and brainstorm, as well as just get things off my chest. (I went in due to problems with my libido -- which my doctor said was a no-brainer considering how bad my husband's depression was.)
One day, I finally just said, "I have decided that I am not able to make you happy. Might you consider going in to see someone about how you feel." He just said, "Sure." I made the appointment for him, and reminded him, so he didn't "forget" to go. He talked to his GP first, but has recently started seeing a psychiatrist, who I think is doing a much better job monitoring his status. But I had to press him to see the psychiatrist, too. "Don't you think you could be even just a little bit better?"
After I was done going through all of the stages of loved one of the depressed (including wondering if it was me, being clueless as to what was going on, anger, sadness, and finally the strong desire to leave), I really just handled it very matter-of-factly. I told him that I had a genuine interest in his well being, and that he did not seem like a happy person to me. I also said it was no big deal to take something for it. But remember, this took me years...you could consider going in to talk to someone yourself.
My husband saw a psychologist a few times and didn't care for it. Somehow medication seems more acceptible to him, and I will definitely take what I can get.
And now my son says things like, "Remember when I used to not like dad?"
Theresa Rae
>
> Hi,
> I was wondering if you had also suffered from depression youself ? The reason I ask is
> I suffer from depression and have been seeking help, but I have just realized that my husband is also depressed. He does not understand the whole depression thing and is not supportive of me at all. He has a just snap out of it attitude and don't I make you happy type of view. Which makes him mad at the responses I give him.
> I have tried to get him to go to a marriage counselor with me and he just cannot get past this caveman mentatility ( that is my term )that he doesn't want to talk about our problems with a stranger ( or really with anyone including me).He is a very smart guy and successful in business, which includes dealing with people all the time. People really like him. But at times I don't, though I do love him.
> How did you get your husband to go and get help?
>
> By the way I was on 300mg of Effexor and have heard of several other people at the same dose, so I do not think it is that unusual.
> Thanks
poster:Theresa Rae
thread:213780
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030329/msgs/215045.html