Posted by Greg A. on February 19, 2003, at 16:54:10
In reply to is there an answer for me?....., posted by justyourlaugh on February 19, 2003, at 14:38:41
Hi jyl – I read your posts on social quite often but I am not up to posting much myself anymore. This is a very frustrating disease isn’t it? It’s tough to put in the effort to try to do positive things, or things you are told are positive when nothing seems to help. For every small step forward there seems to follow another relapse. With all the knowledge that mental illness professionals have gained in recent years they still are just playing a guessing game with us. Try this med. Or this combo. Increase the dosage. Expect side effects. Don’t expect results for a number of weeks. See me in a month. Change your attitudes. Change your habits. Change your life. And yet life remains the same – teetering on the brink of not being worth it for many. It takes the fight out of the strongest of us.
Drinking is not good. I have stopped on the repeated pleas of my doc and feel no better for it except I have a clear head in the morning to realize I still feel lousy. Exercise is good and I have been going regularly. I am now a better conditioned depressed person. My latest mission is to try to return to some semblance of being a social being. I have lost most of my friends through this illness and I avoid most social events like things with mold on them. My wife who has always been so supportive, is very frustrated with me and has talked about leaving. I don’t blame her. I would not want to have to live with me.
And aside from all this, I have hope. Hope that there is something that will help me. Get me close to normal so I feel like I am living and the simple pleasures of life become just that again – pleasurable. Every so often I get a day or two days or a week where things really pick up. But I am so used to returning to playing survival day by day because invariably it happens. I told my doc that all in all, over the past ten years I have gotten worse. I have a better understanding of my illness. I don’t fight as hard against it when fighting will do no good. But I feel lousy more often and more intensely as best I can remember. So why have hope? Because of those brief times of feeling okay. Because this is an illness and illnesses have treatments and even cures. Because I don’t deserve this and somehow, someone will recognize that and grant me a reprieve.
Sorry to sound so depressing but I do believe that you will find what will help you. It’s so hard to have patience and to keep putting effort into helping yourself. There are no clear guidelines and rules for us to follow but in asking the question ‘Is there an answer for me?’ your are on the right track. Keep searching.Good luck
Greg
poster:Greg A.
thread:201888
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20030219/msgs/201918.html