Posted by WorryGirl on December 10, 2002, at 13:08:34
In reply to Re: Social phobic/nerd/ shy person profile » Dinah, posted by IsoM on December 10, 2002, at 0:16:03
> Or perhaps this quirkiness or oddness is somewhat attractive to more intelligent men? Maybe such a man doesn't want the run-of-the-mill average woman but someone more interesting?
I'm so glad I read these posts and thanks to everyone posting them - they help me realize that by far I'm not the only one who has always felt "different" from the time I was fairly young.
I feel that many, many factors play into the frequent bullying of us "socially challenged" and often quirky people.
My best friend lives four hours away and often helps with my perspective of things about how I am treated, which many times is like a pariah. She is a strong person who is very quirky, but more socially gifted than I am. She is extremely intelligent, and there are many people who don't understand her, but she commands a certain respect in social situations that I cannot come close to - she refuses to let herself get bullied. Ironically, she was somehow able to get through her younger years of frequent bullying and admits that she often comes across more confidently than she actually feels. She may walk away from a confrontation with everyone shaking their heads, but no one would make fun of her. When we used to live in the same town I remember a group of people I met who treated me like a joke after talking with me for a while. As I became more uncomfortable, instead of trying to leave the situation, it was like I was trying to prove that I was worthy. I left feeling lower than I had in a long time. My best friend met these same people a week or two later and they found her "intriguing". Confidence definitely plays a big role in the social scheme of things and it was helpful to read the confidence tips posted on this thread - thank you!
I married an talented, intelligent and extremely socially adept man. I agree that the more intelligent people in this world may be drawn to oddballs because they seem less boring than your run-of-the-mill socially accepted beings. They may find us more stimulating and besides that, don't really care what everyone else thinks. They can also probably see beyond the "weirdness" and realize that we have a lot to offer. My husband loves my personality and would never want me to change as much as I continue to try and fail. Why can't I just accept myself as much as he and my best friend seem to?
I was bullied from the time I was a young child
and from birth I was an extremely colicky, fussy baby. I wasn't treated as well as my older sister because of it and ALWAYS felt inferior to her, even though I ended up having just as many talents and good qualities as she has (plus a few more of my own, just as I'm sure she has). It was like I was labeled as "the troubled child". and as I grew older, I started to notice that other children didn't gravitate towards me like they did to others, which was when I really started feeling different from everyone else. I think that builds into your growing confidence to eventually produce an anxious adult who is often uncomfortable in social situations.My whole 7th and 8th grades (went to a private school) I was mercilessly teased for the way I talked (through my nose) almost every lunch break. The teacher would leave the room during this time and the kids were pretty much on their own. I felt outnumbered when I ineffectively tried to stand up for myself. To help prevent myself from getting picked on even more, I would only talk if I had to, but it was too late. Once they realized I was easy prey they picked on me until my graduation from the 8th grade. The one friend I had made in the 7th grade eventually dumped me when they starting picking on her for being friendly with me, so I spent my entire 8th grade friendless, except for a few of the 3rd and 4th graders who befriended me! Pathetic, huh? Fortunately we moved! It's no wonder that I often feel so insecure in social situations. I wonder how many others out there feel that bullying experiences account for their social problems?
Another thought: As an "oddball" woman, I feel that men in general are much more tolerant of my weirdness. It seems to be the other women who have the toughest time with me these days. Obviously, the natural sexual chemistry overlooks many flaws!
poster:WorryGirl
thread:130982
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021210/msgs/131243.html