Posted by Brandymac26 on November 6, 2002, at 20:44:10
In reply to Re: I need help w/ diagnosis, posted by Krysti on November 6, 2002, at 20:22:42
> Hi Brandy,
>
> I responded to an earlier message of yours, but thought I’d respond again. It definitely sounds like you could have Bipolar Disorder II or Cyclothymia (which is just a milder form). The distinction between Bipolar I and II is with Bipolar I, you have had a manic episode which it doesn’t sound like you’ve had. I’m not in a position to diagnose you, which no one can except a psychiatrist, but it does sound similar to what I went through before I became diagnosed.
>
> I thought I’d tell you a little bit about my experience before I went on the Paxil and became manic. Before then, like you, I had started to wonder if it was Bipolar, but I just kept thinking my anxiety was causing it all.
>
> I guess the first thing I noticed was it seemed like my personality was changing. I would go through periods of time when I felt like I was on top of the world. I wanted to go out all the time, talk on the phone with anyone who would listen to me, felt like talking, talking, talking. Then, all of a sudden, I would go through a period of not wanting to do anything, not wanting to talk to anyone, life felt meaningless. I didn’t think I was depressed because inevitably I’d come back up again. Also, I didn’t have suicidal thoughts or anything, I just felt like if I died, I wouldn’t really care. There were times when I’d just lay on the couch all day and do absolutely nothing. Not even watch TV or anything. I always felt like I couldn’t shut my mind off. I started asking around and found out other people didn’t experience this. I also noticed my moods and feelings did not coincide with anything that was going on in my life. I think that was my biggest sign and what my friends noticed the most. I also have a lot of friends who have anxiety, yet they did not experience this. I would also have trouble sleeping because I felt like I could never shut off my mind. When I did fall asleep, if I woke up in the middle of the night, my mind would just start racing again. Another thing I noticed was I was having trouble thinking clearly. Especially, when I would start dating someone. I totally relied on my friends to tell me how I should be. I had no idea who I was anymore. I felt like I was out of control. I had no idea what I was going to do and say. A lot of times I would say things that were totally inappropriate. Like one time one of my friend’s grandfather died and I asked him if he had fun at the funeral (?).
>
> Then, I started having periods of euphoria. I’d feel like I was on drugs. One time at work, I walked outside and threw my hands up in the air and twirled around like Mary Poppins and said “Isn’t life wonderful!” This just wasn’t like me. I’d get so happy, I’d jump up and down and clap my hands. I think by this point, my boss did think I was on drugs.
>
> Sometimes, I’d get paranoid. Think every guy in the world wanted to get me into bed (I’m still not sure about that one – haha, just kidding). I remember telling my friend that one time and wow, did she think I was stuck on myself!
>
> I also understand what you were saying about the cleaning thing. I hate cleaning, but once I start, it all seems so overwhelming. There’s so much to clean!! I can’t just vacuum and dust like normal people, I start cleaning everything like crazy once I start. I just read the previous post where someone mentioned OCD. I've often wondered if I could have that somewhat too. I do tend to get obsessive about things (right now, being the bipolar disorder).
>
> By the way, you also mentioned a lack of motivation. Even though I feel like I have so much adrenaline going through my body, I don't know what to do with it, I also have a lack of motivation. I could put it to good use, but I usually don't.
>
> I would also get very irritable at times.
>
> Everyone’s experience is different. I know it is frustrating to try and figure it out especially when you are going through it. I’m actually glad I finally became fully manic and experienced the classic symptoms, it became so much clearer to me then. It made it much easier to see and accept. I will describe what that was like if you want me to, but it doesn’t seem like you’ve gotten that far so you probably wouldn’t be able to relate.
>
> The thing is that this can get worse if untreated, which is what happened with me. The first thing to do is to read as much as you can about it. See a psychiatrist and explain what you are going through. If this is what you have, there is medication for it. The most important one being a mood stabilizer. You won’t believe the difference it makes. There may be no cure, but getting on the right medications and feeling better makes all the difference in the world.
>
> I hope this helps.
>
> Krysti
>
> Thanks for the reply. I guess why I keep asking about this is b/c I got to a general practitioner. I dont have good insurance, and they wont pay to see a psych doc, so if i go to one, i have to go to the "county clinic" if you know what i mean. In other words, i dont get to spend enough time with my regular doc to tell her everything that is going on w/ me, and if if she did have the time to listen to me, would she be able to properly diagnose me? Thats what scares me-that I wont get a proper diagnosis. But as far as what you were saying about the mania-i dont really have the classic symptoms other than the fact that I go from being really depressed and not wanting to do anything, not even get out bed to eat, or go to the bathroom, to feeling ok. I flip flop like this. But I dont ever feel like I'm on top of the world, or I have a ton of energy. For instance, I will go through phases of being depressed (like all i want to do is sleep, and i dont want anyone around me), and i might feel like this for weeks, then all of a sudden my husband will say "let's go to the store and get some snacks and rent a couple of movies" and that will pep me up and I'll be ok or normal-i guess for a while. But the whole time I flip flop like this I'm really irritable, and the smallest thing will tick me off. The only time I ever feel like I have to just keep talking is when i drink (which I dont do a lot), but I'll call people regardless of the hour just to talk, but thats the only time I do that. And the racing thoughts, sometimes I wish I had a switch where I could just turn my brain off! What I do know, is that I have more of the depressive episodes than anything, and I just dont know if my General practitoner will know what I'm talking about when I tell her this. Anyway, I hope this gives you a little more input on my symptoms. I will say that the way I feel is very hard to describe. Thanks a lot for your reply!
Brandy
>
poster:Brandymac26
thread:126705
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20021101/msgs/126731.html