Posted by supergirl on May 6, 2002, at 2:05:07
In reply to Re: Effexor is a bad drug!! i need help!!!, posted by supergirl on May 3, 2002, at 14:55:45
OK, for anyone who read my first post, I just had one of the toughest days. I think I am being forced by work to take a leave of absence and straighten up my shit (pardon my french, but its the best way to describe it).
I have had a rough week and it all boiled up to tonight. I scratched up my wrist while sitting outside at work for 4 hours at least, couldn't move or speak, crying uncontrollably, and to top it all off: a rage induced run on a highway because I didn't want to go back inside to get my car keys so I was going to walk home (my only house key is with my car keys) after knocking over the lawn furniture I was sitting on.
Oh, and today my boyfriend broke up with me to give us both some space for the shit we both have to go through (him, a custody battle), but that wasn't what caused the whole downbreaking, that was just icing on the collapsing cake. We did have a good, nice, long talk after work (oh yeah, I work with him, big mistake on my part, but I couldn't help lovin' the guy), only because I chased him down after I had calmed down so I could say all the things I couln't say for the last few days. So we are at peace, hopefully.
In the morning I go to the doc (happy birthday to me) where I will discuss my 150 mg dose of effexor and whether or not for me to try weaning myself down. Hell, if I'm gonna have a leave from work, might as well see who I really am after 2 1/2 years on the stuff. I am afraid to go any higher on dosage because of my unattached behavior, yet I am scared to death to lower the dosage. The last time I tried I almost was in a hospital (insane or sick, it would have depended on whoever got to me first).
I am not looking forward to any of it, yet it must be done now before its too late. I wish today had never happened, but it did and now I must go on. I will do this living alone and being alone most of my time. Don't ask me what to expect.
Wish me luck, I am on a quest to fix my brain :)And anything anyone might know to help my doc and me (I work for the state, hence no insurance for psydocs) I would greatly appreciate it.
Thanks for listening,
supergirl
poster:supergirl
thread:13781
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020503/msgs/105242.html