Posted by Cindylou on April 26, 2002, at 16:48:01
In reply to add, long » Cindylou, posted by katekite on April 26, 2002, at 11:26:44
Thanks, Kate, for this great post.
I've tried many stimulants -- Adderall, Ritilin, Wellbutrin, Provigil, Adrafinil ... and all on extremely low doses (because I am extremely med-sensitive). For example, I was taking 2.5 mg. of Adderall -- which really worked!!! I thought I had found the answer to my prayers, until about 4 days later when I crashed so hard I could barely function. Exhausted, sick, hungover-feeling. I thought maybe I needed more, but that only made me feel worse. This same thing happened with the other stims I tried (and I tried them all at about 1/4 of the normal dose). I recently asked my pdoc about trying Dexedrine, but she said it would just have the same effect on me as all the others.
Thanks for the tip on "mindfixers.com" I am very excited to check it out!! It would be cheaper and easier than seeing another pdoc right now, although I know that eventually I need to get another opinion -- probably from someone kind of famous!
Yes, your worries about having kids are well-founded. I have a 2 1/2 year old, who I love more than life itself, but IT IS TOUGH. Most days, I am able to care for her and love her and be patient beyond my normal capacity simply out of sheer love. But there are a few days (like the day I tried Nortrip.) where I had ZERO patience. She is quite a challenge anyway, and she knows how to push my buttons very well, and I am usually able to stay pretty calm (on the outside, while falling apart on the inside). But the other day I was not calm. I didn't go crazy, but I succumbed to the shame game: "You need to listen to Mommy!! Why are you being so mean to Mommy?! Why won't you cooperate with me?" etc. etc. It just made things worse, really. I felt like I was acting like the child. Thank God the next day I was feeling better, after getting that Nortip out of my system.
Now we are struggling with the question of if we should have another baby ... I hate to have our daughter be an only child. I feel like another baby could balance things out for both my daughter and me ... but then there's the issue of meds, and all that other stuff.
Anyway, I'm getting off the subject here. I really apprecite your responses to my posts, and your sharing your experiences with me. Your post makes me think that I'm probably not ADD -- I forgot about the part where noises in the background can really distract someone with ADD. I can totally tune out any kind of noise. My husband has ADD and can't believe that I don't notice certain noises going on.
Well, I'll stop rambling, and I'll keep you posted on how the "mindfixers" quiz turns out!
Thanks again, Kate,
cindy> Yes I'm on a stimulant. Too bad you crash on them after a few days. Have you tried them all? How about a very low dose in combination with a mood stabilizer? I mean obviously IF you are bipolar it is risky, but different ones may have different effects. Even people with ADD would be overstimulated by too high a dose, and everyone is an individual, so there is also the possibility you could have been taking too much?
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> Since bipolar disorder co-exists with ADD more than would be expected by chance it might be worth it for you to get officially evaluated to rule it out. If you did have ADD and it was able to be treated that would at least solve a component of life's problems. A continuous performance test or TOVA is sort of a fairly objective test -- they say no one thing is diagnostic but official ADD testers use it happily just that way. And have you taken the free quiz at mindfixers.com? Its long and comprehensive.
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> So far ritalin has really calmed me and made me almost flat, which was probably good. I get the same amount of stuff done, maybe slightly more, but it feels like life is much easier and more normal. The stress over little things is pretty much gone. I am actually trying dexedrine now (want to try them all and pick the best for me) and dexedrine seems more stimulating without quite controlling the inattention (little noises etc are still very annoying, but I feel mentally a bit perked up.). I might just need a higher dose of it, don't know. I feel like if I took a higher dose I might have that bad 'too much energy' feeling. Of course these days I have no idea how I am really 'supposed' to feel.
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> I was shocked to find I have ADD. I got good grades in college and grad school. I wasn't hyper at all. I was bored a bunch but teachers always put that down to me being bright and needing harder work. Although I hate hard work, LOL. When in school I kept my life pretty much under control although I was often anxious and depressed, was a flake, etc. I was not that much messier than my male friends, but worse than most women, that's for sure. In retrospect I was able to keep my life in order because I had a lot of outside structure, deadlines etc, and not much personal responsibility.
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> It was really only after we moved and bought a house and I quit working outside the home that my life really went to crap. I was just unable to organize myself and keep to any good schedule unless I was in a good mood. Occasionally I'd get up and do everything I wanted but mostly not. Other people can apparently plod along even in a bad mood, and I just threw up my hands and felt overwhelmed. Like I couldn't manage to keep my laundry clean and I would clean my cat's litter box every day for 5 days and then 2 weeks later realize I hadn't cleaned it only when the poor cat went somewhere besides the box. I was so frustrated with myself for not being responsible. I had always put this type of on-off organizational/responsible/irresponsible behavior down to stress at work/school, depression, etc, but I finally had nothing to blame it on but me. I wasn't even depressed, just kind of not very good at life. I had never been to a shrink when I was in a good mood because as soon as I felt ok I would cancel appointments, seeing no need to go. But finally I realized even when in a good mood that life wasn't what I'd hoped for, like I had taken all stress out, and things still seemed more frustrating than they should be. A couple friends have kids and I just couldn't even imagine being able to have a kid! What if they need something but I am tired? Or what if they cry and won't stop -- that would be very irritating. With my dog he can sit there and ask to go out for an hour before I'll finally get around to it and that would not be good with a child. I have lost my temper with my pets too and that would be really really bad with a human child, I feel bad enough having swatted the dog for really nothing except making noise. So here I was supposedly bright and capable having got good grades. But life itself seemed really hard.
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> I'm glad I pursued diagnosis. I suppose I may in a year start to "cycle" and it might turn out I need a mood stabilizer -- there's no way to know for sure, since I do have a history of intermittent depression.
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> Not all people with ADD do well with stimulants. Wellbutrin (I did terrible with it) is supposed to help some. Also atmoxetine is a new ADD drug, non-stimulant, supposed to come out this year. I also found maois to be helpful, probably because they help dopamine as well.
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> good luck. If you take the mindfixers quiz let me know what it says.
>
> kate
poster:Cindylou
thread:104048
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020425/msgs/104226.html