Posted by IsoM on April 19, 2002, at 17:54:58
In reply to anhedonia (from Depakote) - IsoM and others, posted by Krazy Kat on April 19, 2002, at 14:19:45
KK, I'm feeling the anhedonia now & will try to give as unbiased a description as I can when I feel like this. (Ran out of the adrafinil from the one company & the other order hasn't come in yet - been over a month with adrafinil & am I EVER bleak.)
Like you feel now, I feel more selfish - maybe it's not selfish, but I just don't give a damn about other people emotionally, but because, logically, I know it's not really "me' that's feeling this, I'm trying my best to compensate & not be an absolute bitch. I'm really having to push the logical side of me to do anything as the emotional side is just about dead now. The logical side of me knows if I just ride this out till the adrafinil comes, I'll be fine so I push to act 'normal'. If I didn't know it would lift, I'm not sure what I would do.
For me, anhedonia includes:
- food doesn't taste as good, or something like that. I don't enjoy eating & don't feel like doing so.
- my kitties try to cuddle up to me & get petted (they really feel the difference) so I give them 'luvies' the best I can, but find no pleasure in holding & cuddling them. Most of the time, it feels so nice & calming.
- I look at sweet children & think "yuck! ...kids."
- sunny, nice days do nothing for me
- went to work in my garden yesterday to see if I could be brightened up & felt no better. Instead felt overwhelmed with what had to be done.
- things I think normally are funny strike me instead as stupid & asinine
- don't want to read, or watch favourite shows, or talk to people, or do anything really
- see absolutely no point in life, in getting out of bed, in living even but do it all out of rote
- view all things with a jaundiced, bitter attitude
- could care less about life & everything - while I don't feel suicidal or anything, if the world ceased to exist, it would be perfectly fine with me. And yes, my energy level is very low but I have to push that too.Sorry, that I sound so miserable & I don't even want anyone's sympathy (I rather throw it back at them) but this is me with anhedonia - flat, bitter, & bleak. You're not sad, but are UNhappy (without happiness), you're not angry, but without anger or concern. Somehow you'll "know" deep down that it's not how you really are & not how you were as a child.
poster:IsoM
thread:103559
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020416/msgs/103590.html