Posted by Anna Laura on February 12, 2002, at 22:08:15
In reply to Re: Is this normal...? Yes i think so » Anna Laura, posted by Mr. Scott on February 12, 2002, at 18:58:44
> A-L,
>
> How long were you undepressed for? It sounds like you were problem free and even at the top of your game until one day depression hit and it's been a battle ever since. Have you ever had blips of hypomania or mild euphoria while taking AD's? If yes, that could be a sign of BP. Also,
> What country are you from if you don't mind me asking? You mentioned I think that English isn't your native tongue..or maybe I misinterpreted..
>
> Scott
Hi Mr. Scott,I've been hyperthymic till the age of 21.
I entered major depression's tunnel after severe and prolonged stress.
Unfortunately i was misdiagnosed, given benzos instead of AD.
Very often benzos are detrimental for depression since they're like a "fuel" for the beast.
If i only knew there were effective remedies for my illness i'd probably be healed by now.
Back then drugs such as Nomifensine and Amineptine were still available and easy to get. (Well, i guess it's too late for regrets).
That was way back in 1990, mid September.
After three years of benzos i became psychotic.
In 1993 I met a pdoc by pure accident (he was a friend of my boss) : he was caring and empatethic.
He prescribed me with Tofranil.
I grew better within a couple of years through hard work and intensive talk therapy.
I got rid of major depression, but i was left with residual depression ever since.
The most annoying persistent symptom has been anhedonia which i didn't manage to get rid of.
Most of my symptoms have been coming and going except anhedonia, that touch of grey that made everything so lifeless and meaningless.Despite of efforts and strives anhedonia staied like glued on me.I guess my main errors have been the following:
1. Dropping medication : I quit Tofranil in 1994 after a year and a half. My former pdoc convinced me that was the right thing to do and i trusted everything he said, so i followed his instructions and dropped Tofranil.
He was a talk-therapy/self initiative advocate, believing that one should react with his/her own resources, as long as the illness wasn't too severe.
Therefore he was persuaded (and persuaded me) that i had taken action against my illness and that i was responsible for my well-being.2. This is a consequence of part 1.
I never thought about medication again since i believed i was in control of depression and that it was up to me to get rid of residual symptoms.
Therefore, i never considered medication as a way out until last year when i got hit by double depression.
It was back then that i finally realized that meds did play a major role, and i've been searching for the right combo ever since.So, this is my brief story: I've never turned manic or hypomanic, with or without ADs.
It's been eleven years so far.
I'm still walking in this pitch black tunnel and the memory of how i used to feel keeps me going and hoping.
It's been such a long time, but i still can remember that touch of joy that made me feel so priviledged, the fresh speed of life running through my veins, that liquid ecstasy pouring inside my chest and down my legs, my body as a whole embracing the entire world.
Everything was suffused with a soft white light.
That's why i am resisting and keep on living.
May be i'm childlish, i don't know.p.s.
You asked what's my nationality: i'm italian.
Wishing you the best of luck, fellow suffererAnna Laura
poster:Anna Laura
thread:93801
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20020208/msgs/93941.html