Posted by Racer on October 18, 2000, at 0:35:20
In reply to Letter to my doc. How sane is my insanity?, posted by pullmarine on October 17, 2000, at 23:14:46
What comes through most clearly here, for me, isn't that you're in pain, so much as you're trying to tap dance around it, and lay the pain elsewhere.
Remember, I'm nuts, too, so I'm not saying there's anything wrong with what you wrote, just noting my reactions to it, in hopes it helps you. Or maybe not. Maybe the voices told me to, but really, I'm trying to be helpful here.
Anyway, what I 'hear' in this reminds me of me, back in my most intense therapy, when I was looking for any reason to avoid looking directly at my pain. I'd find all sorts of ways to say that it was somehow because of a larger issue that I was upset, rather than admitting that it was very personal. That's what your letter reminds me of, avoiding grief by making it larger, more impersonal, and somehow worth fighting.
Your situation, with being taken from your home, and given drugs against your will, all that, sounds awful, and degrading, and really dehumanizing and painful. I think I'd be crying over it. I'd be angry, too, but first I think I'd have to cry a river to rival the Mississippi!
I'm sorry that all this has happened to you, and I'm sorry that you're feeling so bad these days, and I'm sorry that you don't have access to a decent doctor, and I'm sorry that you don't feel there's anything to help you. I hope you do find something to ease your pain. Please know that your words have impressed me, and that I hope you'll stick around to write more here, even if it's not going to make you feel better.
poster:Racer
thread:46632
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20001012/msgs/46637.html