Posted by Jennifer on July 17, 2000, at 3:02:25
In reply to SICK OF THIS DAMN ROLLER-COASTER RIDE, posted by tina on July 16, 2000, at 18:40:58
Tina...it's 1am here, and I checked to see how you were doing. Not great...sorry. I wish I had a magic wand that I could use to make this all better. When you have enough to get some benadryl, be sure to get the cheapest generic you can. Ask the pharmacist, there is a huge price difference. You want capsules that contain only diphenhydramine HCL 25mg. I only had a moment to check in, but I'll pray you get some sleep tonight. I know that's why you feel so crappy (agree that it's not the meds probably). I'll write more when I have more time. Just wanted to let you know I was still here thinking of you. Jen
> I wanna get off this ride.
> I can't take this "good day then bad day then worse day" scenario anymore. My good days are soooo good and then the bad days are down and low and then, amazingly enough, there is a worse day. The frustrated, explosion of cutting, punching or screaming-like-a-banshee-in-the-back-of-the-basement-where-I-hope-the-neighbors-can't-hear-me day. They do say bad things come in three's right? On those worst days, I don't even eat. I drink tea or water all day and eat nothing. Gee, ya wonder why doc says I'm hypoglycemic.
> I have no idea why i am rambling on about this sh*t. I should just smack myself out of it. I'm just so tired. I'm so tired of the meds, the docs, the tests, the tears, the ridicule, the pitty, the ups and downs, LIFE. I'm so tired of THIS life. I feel like every road I take ends in a swamp or a bottomless cavern. This mood shift happens every few days, most especially on weekends. ( Ha, Greg has good weekends and I have bad ones, ironic, tell me what your secret to good weekends is Greg) I do not fear myself or what I might do to myself though. It doesn't scare me to know that I may cut myself because I won't cut fatally. I want to Live Happy not just exist in this hell on earth that is killing me minute by minute, inch by inch anyway. I am not numb yet. I so badly want to just be numb or catatonic, to not "feel" the pain. How can I do that? I just want this "ride" to be over and to feel the ground beneath my feet again. Is that so much to ask?
> Maybe it is.
poster:Jennifer
thread:40118
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000708/msgs/40700.html