Posted by Diane on April 6, 2000, at 15:58:44
In reply to Re: Vitality Health Products (feral.com) , posted by FP on April 2, 2000, at 23:27:49
Posted by Too many drugs!
>All this self-medicating sounds crazy to me. You need to find out what your problem is
>and THEN choose a drug that has been successful for that condition. You sound like
>you just want to try everything.Until I find something that works or I give up, Yes.
Posted by JohnL
>So if you insist on continuing with self-medication, concentrate your efforts on the
>meds you can get easily. Without a prescription, forget the rest. They're out of reach
>without your doctor's endorsement.Thank you JohnL
Posted by FP
>My experience with the company you mention is that my order was seized by US
customs!
SAME HERE. buprenorphine>You mention a number of drugs that interact with opoid receptors - am I in the
>ballpark?YES YOU ARE
>What is the underlying problem you are trying to treat - maybe some of us have been
>there.I first posted my symptoms on this board October 19, 1999, at 15:28:26.
Here it is again FP: ....."If you can put aside your initial reaction, and keep your mind open, I'd like some
input/help on a problem that frustrates me.
Question: Can some body please tell me why methadone(wait!,don't tune me out
yet!) WAKES me up, alleviates my depression (like having a type A mind in a type B body),
where as stimulants make me tired, depressed, irritable, unfocused, zombie/zoned out and
hinders my breathing.A little back ground:
I have been "depressed" sense age 11, or at least that's when suddenly:
Had no interest in school, friends, play etc. Emotions started to flatline.
Could not concentrate, retain or focus.
I became a lonely loner, etc. etc. on down the line.
I have always felt doubt, fear, insecure, worthless, hopeless, incapable, gutless
unmotivated. Always lacked drive, ambition, assertiveness.
Lacked what ever IT is to succeed and be normal. Lots of guilt. Lots of shame.
I have always felt undeserving, ashamed of myself. Inferior to all others. Helpless.NO MANIA HERE. Except for recently acquired anger. Strictly
unipolar.ChronicI have always been this way, UNTIL METHADONE! Then boom! I was
ALIVE.
I had ambition! I had the "I can do it attitude"
For the first time in my life I wasn't depressed and all the above.
For the first time in my life I got a job. A career. I became a union floor covering
installer. Local 1235 outta San Francisco. One of 2 women in the trade! I was
finally rolling at age 31!
And nobody ever knew I was on Methadone.
Methadone is a slow release, long acting (26hr) drug. There is no "rush", as with
heroin. In my experience it's a simple, uncomplicated, risk free drug.
So it's addictive, so what? I'd rather be addicted and enabled than depressed anddisabled. I mean we are never really talking "Cure" when it comes to depression
but a
easing of symptoms, right?Then unfortunately I had to give up methadone. I now live a 100 mile drive
from the nearest clinic. I live in Sweet Home, OR. and I am stuck here. I don't
have a car (my 57 belair wagon was stolen a month after my husbands death)and
there are no busses. *I do have a computer tho and I do have a GP. But as soon as
I told my GP about my experience with Methadone he tuned me out. Doctors look
on former heroin addicts/ methadone clients as untrustworthy animals. Like we're
gonna destroy them and their practice as soon as their backs are turned.
Doctors, nurses and counselors at Methadone Clinics are some of the ugliest most
arrogant people I've ever known. They look down at you and treat you like stinking
dog shit. They get off on punishment. I had a counselor who was pissed off because I
was doing so well. "What am I going to do with you Diane? I have to do something
with you" So she punished me by making me go to NA meetings 3 night a week. The
closest one was over the hill 20 miles away at 8pm.SO I am searching for alternatives. Alternatives similar to methadone or
alternative ways to *acquire methadone outside of the clinic setting*.
(fat chance, I know but I figured I might as well ask sense I'm going this far out
on a limb, risking being ostracized :o)). And I am not talking Heroin abuse here. I've
been
clean sense 1985. Been off methadone sense 1992(not by choice). (christ, I don't
even consume sugar, caffeine, salt, tap water etc. I eat fresh vegetables and alittle chix
and fish. I take Nutra Mega super potency supplements with antioxidants blahblah
blah! I eat lots of Flaxseed for it's Omega-3 and fiber. Oatbran...I AM CLEAN,
CLEAN, CLEAN) But does that make any points with my GP? NOoooooo.Methadone is the only thing that has worked(so far) for my depression. Just my luck,
the one thing that works bang on...I can't get simply thru normal channels.So I am back to "all the above" depression.
Diane "
------------- end Oct 16 postMy personal assessment of myself:
Chronic Unipolar/Major depression, Social Phobia, ADD, no hyperactivityNo drive or motivation. I'm out of my room maybe 3 hours out of 24. I wear silicone
earplugs 24 hours a day to block out the real world so I won't die of depression
knowing I will never be apart of that world. Been suicidal (in thought only) many times.I've only been to one pdoc and that was back in 1981. I was at the end of my
rope and he was the closest one around. He put me on Mellaril, then
something else I don't remember, then Xanax. The Mellaril and Xanax made me
dopy and Zombie like.My experience with certain drugs:
*Zoloft™ gave me headaches at 100mg. Nothing at 50mg.
*Prozac™ made me violent (20mg). Scared the hell outta me! 10mg excruciating
headache
*Xanax made me dopey, useless. Hospitalized with withdrawal seizures. Word-finding
difficulties ever after.
*Mellaril, Zombie.
*Klonopin made me dopey, useless.
*Vallium, nothing.
*Tryptophan,the amino acid, gives me nightmares.(tryptophan increases
serotonin synthesis)
*Alcohol, one drink and I've got a headache.
*Pot made me depressed and self-conscious in the extreme! Can't breathe.
*Cocaine is too euphoric. The crash is unbelievably depressing. Can't breathe.
*Speed usually brings out the hate, anger & depression. It also makes me tired, easily
winded. And what might take me 1hr to do normally will take me 24 on speed.
*Demerol®, nothing.
*Codeine, no big deal. Killer on the stomach
*Vicodin, feels simular to methadone/heroin for a very little while. Kills the stomach
*Morphine is too dopey. A little too much and you're out like a light. Risky
*Heroin is much better but it's an occupation. The returns are no longer worth the
effort.
**Methadone is perfect. Long acting. It stabilizes. There is no head in chest rush or
crash. It's a constant even flow. The only drug that has worked.
!Methadone stimulates my body and my mind! "Type A mind in a type B body"
Darkness turns to light.
I'm not going to elaborate because I'd fill up many pages easily.Diane
poster:Diane
thread:28647
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/20000401/msgs/29101.html