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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 9 of 9. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by greyskyeyes on August 19, 2005, at 16:34:30
why
must my thoughts
trace you
constantly
my mind’s eye
shape your
figure
your dark hair
unruly
your voice
so gentle
compassionate
how I long for
your arms
around
mewhy
must you haunt me
why
did I love you
when I
could never
have youyou
never loved me
you
never knewor did you?
time passes
thoughts
fade
to darkling twilight
and still
my thoughts
return
to youand yet
I have
forgottenthe color
of
your
eyes
Posted by alexandra_k on August 20, 2005, at 0:08:11
In reply to transference, posted by greyskyeyes on August 19, 2005, at 16:34:30
hey.
sometimes i get scaired that i might only be able to fall in love with an ideal.
but then thats not love...
i don't know
im sorrythat was lovely.
Posted by greyskyeyes on August 22, 2005, at 13:12:51
In reply to Re: transference, posted by alexandra_k on August 20, 2005, at 0:08:11
yeah, you know they aren't perfect and yet it seems like they must be... on a cognitive level I know he has faults and gets mad and forgets birthdays and leaves dirty dishes laying around and all that stuff "normal" people do... but all I ever saw was the good side... the side that showed such compassion and understanding and empathy (sympathy?)... felt like such a betrayal as I do love my husband so much but for a time he just couldn't measure up... luckily it's true the old cliche about time healing all wounds, though I still think about him every once in a while... smile and sigh... but the picture is fading... probably a good thing though...
nothing wrong with falling in love with an ideal, as long as you know it's an ideal and not reality... and don't close yourself off to falling (or staying) in love with someone real...
Posted by alexandra_k on August 22, 2005, at 19:06:09
In reply to Re: transference » alexandra_k, posted by greyskyeyes on August 22, 2005, at 13:12:51
yeah. you know they aren't perfect... and you know you have it bad when all the visible faults seem cute. an ideal... i'm trying to remember what my t was saying... its funny because quite often we don't really understand each other. just kind of talk past each other. but the odd thing hits home. and thats good enough for me. and i was talking to her about this and she said something that helped me a little. i know that what she said wasn't so terribly grand... but it prompted another thought in me that helped. i wish i could remember what it was... i think she said something about how we create our ideals. they are more a projection of us. i didn't like that so much. reminded me of the dog that falls in love with his own reflection... or maybe i'm mixing up my stories but anyways... it got me thinking...
> nothing wrong with falling in love with an ideal, as long as you know it's an ideal and not reality... and don't close yourself off to falling (or staying) in love with someone real...
yeah. good advice. really good advice. its just hard to know sometimes if i'm waiting for an ideal or if its just that the right person hasn't come along yet. though... i guess in my better moments i realise that its probably the latter. i don't get out much lol.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 22, 2005, at 20:46:37
In reply to Re: transference » greyskyeyes, posted by alexandra_k on August 22, 2005, at 19:06:09
and i was targeted by inappropriate people which doesn't help. in a way i kind of like that... falling for a projection. maybe its the thought that something so beautiful that can feel so beautiful can come from within me. but i don't recognise it as me and i see it as other. but its mostly me. that came from me. wow.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 22, 2005, at 20:51:25
In reply to Re: transference, posted by alexandra_k on August 22, 2005, at 20:46:37
its like how you can read case studies. and some people just seem so interesting and fascinating and complex and beautiful. more so than the rest of us... but the case study is the therapists creation. and the story they tell about the client reveals more about the therapist than about the client. and some people who write case studies can spin beautiful stories... and others are more interested in making a point...
and i guess therapists are like that too. it would be interesting to get different clients to write therapist studies lol! i wonder if it would be apparant that they are talking about the same person. i bet it would not be. and the way we view them says more about us than it does about them. i really do think... that is true.
Posted by alexandra_k on August 22, 2005, at 21:01:43
In reply to Re: transference, posted by alexandra_k on August 22, 2005, at 20:51:25
and when things are going well...
and they listen to your most intimate secrets
and they don't judge
and they say helpful things
and they seem to care
etc etc
well who wouldn't start to feel good being around someone like that?
(defences aside)
and who wouldn't fall for that?i do worry though...
about how dangerous it can be...
i do worry about that.
Posted by greyskyeyes on August 23, 2005, at 17:04:44
In reply to Re: transference, posted by alexandra_k on August 22, 2005, at 21:01:43
<<... i think she said something about how we create our ideals. they are more a projection of us. i didn't like that so much. reminded me of the dog that << falls in love with his own reflection...
yeah, I see what she's saying and I have to agree I don't like that so much. maybe you take what you don't like about yourself and project the opposite onto the ideal? so that they make up for your imperfections? or they make up for your negative experiences? hmmm. because some of it was that I imagined he did things so much differently from me… he must be a better father than I am a mother… he must be so well adjusted… he and his wife probably never fight… stuff like that. he was so accepting and caring, and always heard me… experiences I never had growing up… he validated my feelings and explained my “crazy” behavior in a way to my husband that made sense, normalized it somehow.
the fact that he's the most gorgeous man I've ever seen in my life didn't hurt either. ;)
<< its just hard to know sometimes if i'm waiting for an ideal or if its just that the right person hasn't come along yet.
it’s funny, when you do meet the right person you idealize them… you know they’re the right person when the idealization wears off and you can still stand being with them. :)
<< its like how you can read case studies. and some people just seem so interesting and fascinating and complex and beautiful. more so than the rest of << us... but the case study is the therapists creation. and the story they tell about the client reveals more about the therapist than about the client. and <<some people who write case studies can spin beautiful stories... and others are more interested in making a point...
wow, I never thought of it like that. I love reading case studies - I agree, they are fascinating… but I never thought of it as the creation of the therapist… you’re absolutely right. my pdoc likes to tell me about some of his (former) patients, and I always find his descriptions so interesting - and they always somehow make a point, even though he doesn’t explicitly state so. usually the point is that I’m not as crazy/ hopeless as I think. :) I like your idea about a case study written by two different therapists regarding the same person, it probably *wouldn’t* be apparent that they are the same person.
hey I like “talking” with you alex… you’re a fascinating and complex person… and that’s not because of a skillful writer telling a story, I’m sure it’s quite true IRL. :)
Posted by alexandra_k on August 23, 2005, at 17:47:13
In reply to Re: transference, posted by greyskyeyes on August 23, 2005, at 17:04:44
> because some of it was that I imagined he did things so much differently from me… he must be a better father than I am a mother… he must be so well adjusted… he and his wife probably never fight… stuff like that.
Yeah. That sounds a bit like idealisation. But then all you are doing is generalising from therapy context to other contexts. So its not like there is no basis in reality...
Its just that people do vary across contexts...
>he was so accepting and caring, and always heard me… experiences I never had growing up… he validated my feelings and explained my “crazy” behavior in a way to my husband that made sense, normalized it somehow.
Yeah. And so it isn't suprising that you'd fall for him.
> the fact that he's the most gorgeous man I've ever seen in my life didn't hurt either. ;)Heh heh. But then beauty is in the eye of the beholder too... I mean, I'm sure some of his other clients didn't feel that way.
> it’s funny, when you do meet the right person you idealize them… you know they’re the right person when the idealization wears off and you can still stand being with them. :)I'll try and remember that :-)'
> << its like how you can read case studies. and some people just seem so interesting and fascinating and complex and beautiful. more so than the rest of << us... but the case study is the therapists creation. and the story they tell about the client reveals more about the therapist than about the client. and <<some people who write case studies can spin beautiful stories... and others are more interested in making a point...
> wow, I never thought of it like that. I love reading case studies - I agree, they are fascinating… but I never thought of it as the creation of the therapist… you’re absolutely right.Yeah. Thats why I feel mad / sad when I read one and end up feeling negatively towards the client. Says more about the therapist but of course people tend to accept the therapists interpretation (not even realising its an interpretation) because they are supposed to be the authority. Grr.
>my pdoc likes to tell me about some of his (former) patients, and I always find his descriptions so interesting - and they always somehow make a point, even though he doesn’t explicitly state so. usually the point is that I’m not as crazy/ hopeless as I think. :)
Yeah. I think that is supposed to be the point of disclosing about other clients...
>I like your idea about a case study written by two different therapists regarding the same person, it probably *wouldn’t* be apparent that they are the same person.
Ah. Thats your idea :-)
My idea was about two different clients writing case studies of the same therapist ;-)
> hey I like “talking” with you alex… you’re a fascinating and complex person… and that’s not because of a skillful writer telling a story, I’m sure it’s quite true IRL. :)Thanks :-)
I like talking to you too
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