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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 14 of 14. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by broken on April 29, 2005, at 10:29:11
When I dumped the meds in the toilet, and flushed them all away, and the drinking had stopped and the smoking had stopped, and the ups and downs were on an even plane, and everything was right in my world, I felt reborn, and new, and I wrote about my Resurrection.
And now Brother Judas calls to me and takes me by the hand.
His thirty pieces of silver deep in his pocket.We walk together and talk and travel back down the old path. It's familiar, and it feels like home.
And he whispers to me, "Haven't you missed all of us? Don't you remember how good you can feel?"
His whisper is so comforting. And he is right. I missed them all. And I feel an incredible surge of energy flowing through me again. I'm full of life overflowing. I'm so high, so up, so talkative and friendly. And I am loving, so full of love that I want to share. If you were near me write now, you could feel the electricity that radiates outward. It's such an amazing feeling, most people will never experience it.
But it won't stay. It never does. It's like a star that burns brighter and brighter.
It makes a pretty picture, and burns even hotter, as it goes supernova, and then it's gone. It's a pitch black dark. A black hole that sucks all of the life around it down.
It's scary.
So many valleys and peaks...
Posted by PM80 on April 29, 2005, at 10:36:28
In reply to When I was well, posted by broken on April 29, 2005, at 10:29:11
Yeah, I've been hearing that "friendly" call lately too. Getting so lost in each delicious moment as life slows down for a time. It's a spirit-killer in the end, but so seductive in its call.
I'm keeping my head above ground. I pretend it is not there and I realize its eventual debilitating truth.
I wanna live (not escape) my life. No real regrets when I die, ya know?
Posted by broken on April 29, 2005, at 11:27:33
In reply to Re: When I was well, posted by PM80 on April 29, 2005, at 10:36:28
I understand completely. Honestly, I feel the exact same way. But when I get manic, I do alot of things that aren't like me. I usually don't realize it till it's over. I have to stay around the house and not go out, otherwise I end up in trouble one way or the other. I love the feeling, and it takes a LOT of self control to stay home, but as long as I catch it in time, then I can usually remember the way I felt the last time I went out and how guilty I felt the next day. Helps to keep me in line.
Yesterday, after seeing the tons of posts I made on the social board, I realized what was happening. I took my zanax, went home, showered, and went to bed around 6. Slept until my alarm went off this morning to come to work.
Posted by Susan47 on April 29, 2005, at 12:16:39
In reply to Re: When I was well » PM80, posted by broken on April 29, 2005, at 11:27:33
How eloquently and adequately you expressed this. It's so lovely to hear your voice, and happy sad too.
Posted by sunny10 on April 29, 2005, at 12:54:03
In reply to Re: When I was well » broken, posted by Susan47 on April 29, 2005, at 12:16:39
It is said that all myths have a basis in reality.
It came to me, reading this thread, that going "out" when you're manic leading to chaos reminds me of stories where people get bitten by a werewolf and become one with each full moon. And whose loved ones lock them up at each full moon to protect them from the damage they might do to themselves and others.
I'm wondering if this particular myth has a basis in the reality of manic depressives. All stories gather more and more exaggeration and embellishment along the way. I wonder now if it didn't start as a story about a loved one who suffered from BD and simply needed to be protected.
I find the "human story" to be a fascinating one...in all of its forms.
Okay, okay, so I've a fertile imagination- hope I didn't offend.
Posted by broken on April 29, 2005, at 13:23:58
In reply to Re: When I was well » broken, posted by Susan47 on April 29, 2005, at 12:16:39
Thankyou Susan, very sweet of you to say.
Posted by broken on April 29, 2005, at 13:38:15
In reply to Re: When I was well, posted by sunny10 on April 29, 2005, at 12:54:03
You didn't offend at all. I am so difficult to offend, I guess it's more like "hard to offend the offensive"? :)But no, actually, I never thought of it that way at all, and I find it to be an interesting idea. If that were the case, it's not only been "embellished", but put into a romantic perspective as well. But that's what great writers do.
Chris
Posted by sunny10 on April 29, 2005, at 15:25:02
In reply to Re: When I was well, posted by broken on April 29, 2005, at 13:38:15
OF COURSE you understand my analogy without being offended... I forgot I was dealing with a fellow writer there for a moment....
phew.........
I'm going to be offline for quite some time, Chris.
Hope to read a lot of your good stuff when I get back!!!
I'll miss you guys!
-sunny10
Posted by broken on April 29, 2005, at 15:31:18
In reply to Re: ah,yes, I was dealing with a writer, whew... » broken, posted by sunny10 on April 29, 2005, at 15:25:02
lol.. No no, I am not the writer. I meant the writers that had written about werewolves in the past. See why I don't post much? It never comes out like I mean it. I wouldn't be so presumptious as to label myself a writer.
But I look forward to your return, hope it is a quick one.
Chris
Posted by Susan47 on April 29, 2005, at 23:06:27
In reply to Re: ah,yes, I was dealing with a writer, whew..., posted by broken on April 29, 2005, at 15:31:18
That thing Sunny said about the werewolf myth beginnings, possible beginnings I think it might actually have some factual basis to it. I believe I've heard that theory somewhere before, that mania at the full moon. It is definitely proven, apparently, that there's a higher incidence of crime during a full moon. We really saw it in law enforcement. It wouldn't surprise me even to hear that the werewolf myth started in humankind thousands of years ago, and has been embellished and storied to death since.
Posted by dove on April 30, 2005, at 12:52:52
In reply to When I was well, posted by broken on April 29, 2005, at 10:29:11
Thank you for opening up so honestly and sharing this amazing follow-up to Resurrection! I have that one saved, and I added this one to it.
I have to admit that I relate very well to what you have written and am starting to wonder if I am Bipolar, with a long cycle (possibly my mania has the downside of never being grandiose). Maybe that's why I have been unable to get completely stable on all the different meds I have tried.
Again, thank you very much Broken.
dove
Posted by AdaGrace on May 1, 2005, at 9:43:34
In reply to When I was well, posted by broken on April 29, 2005, at 10:29:11
Variety is the spice of life.
I'm so full of shyte.
But I know Broken. I'm in the seat next to you.
Posted by broken on May 2, 2005, at 9:46:41
In reply to Re: Valleys and Peaks » broken, posted by AdaGrace on May 1, 2005, at 9:43:34
> Variety is the spice of life.
>
> I'm so full of shyte.
>
> But I know Broken. I'm in the seat next to you.Well, then regardless of the situation, I am honored to share your company.
Chris
Posted by broken on May 2, 2005, at 9:48:39
In reply to Re: When I was well » broken, posted by dove on April 30, 2005, at 12:52:52
..and thankyou for the kind words. Not that I wish this condition on anyone, but it is comforting to see I am not alone.
This is the end of the thread.
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