Psycho-Babble Writing Thread 487784

Shown: posts 1 to 22 of 22. This is the beginning of the thread.

 

I lost myself

Posted by alexandra_k on April 22, 2005, at 2:10:52

Sometimes I lose time.
And when I come back it can be a little tricky to re-orient myself.
But this time I lost myself.
Security found me in the hospital asking for my p-doc. Nobody had any idea how I got in there. I couldn't remember who I was, not my name or where I lived or what I was supposed to be up to or anything. That has never happened to me before.

I was admitted.

I saw my p-doc the next day.

It took a good week for everything to come back. It came back slowly. It was horrible. I would start to feel all conflicted and stuff would start to come back and I would feel awful and push it away and then it would go and round and round. Yuk.

My psyche is so transperent even to me.
Yuk.
He helped me remember
Only to abandon me again.
Yuk.
Yuk.
But I guess it has sunk in now.
And I had a bit of time to process it.
I have to go to sleep now.
Night night

 

Re: I lost myself » alexandra_k

Posted by Susan47 on April 22, 2005, at 7:28:26

In reply to I lost myself, posted by alexandra_k on April 22, 2005, at 2:10:52

I've almost been there. When I felt my identity so closely tied up with someone who wasn't there for me. Yes. I didn't lose touch with reality, not completely. And I remember everything. I suppose that's good. I believe it is.
Because when you're a child
and you've been abandoned
you're alone in the world
and the world is not safe
you learn to forget.
Exist, only.

Do not pass Go.
Do not put yourself
out there.
That may hurt you
No; it probably will.
Because you will laughed at
and teased
and when you cry,
you cry alone.

 

Sorry.

Posted by Susan47 on April 22, 2005, at 7:31:40

In reply to I lost myself, posted by alexandra_k on April 22, 2005, at 2:10:52

Alex? I got carried away.
I'm sorry.
I was remembering my own pain
Trying to get to the root of it
Because I know I've only just escaped
where you've been this last week.
And the reasons feel the same.
I'm sorry.

 

Re: I lost myself » alexandra_k

Posted by PM80 on April 22, 2005, at 8:13:38

In reply to I lost myself, posted by alexandra_k on April 22, 2005, at 2:10:52

I'm sorry this happened to you. It sounds like a frightening experience. But realize that this has happened to other people; you are not a freak. I hope that your pdoc can help you find the right meds and therapy combo to help you. Just don't give up. You are more than you can see.

 

Re: I lost myself

Posted by sunny10 on April 22, 2005, at 9:06:50

In reply to Re: I lost myself » alexandra_k, posted by PM80 on April 22, 2005, at 8:13:38

remember the outcome, darling.

You are now in a better frame of mind to work the stuff through that got to be too much for your psyche to handle.

You lost a little bit of time, not yourself, okay?!? Your pysche "gave up" a little bit of time in order to get you the help you needed, okay?!?

I'm so thankful that your inner resources got you where you needed to be.

XOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO

-sunny10

 

Re: I lost myself » alexandra_k

Posted by Toph on April 22, 2005, at 9:11:49

In reply to I lost myself, posted by alexandra_k on April 22, 2005, at 2:10:52

> ... I couldn't remember who I was, not my name or where I lived or what I was supposed to be up to or anything. That has never happened to me before...
>
I don't know if this is reassuring to you or not alex, but... we remember.

 

Re: oooh, Alex, Toph has a great point!! (nm)

Posted by sunny10 on April 22, 2005, at 10:20:24

In reply to Re: I lost myself » alexandra_k, posted by Toph on April 22, 2005, at 9:11:49

 

Re: oooh, Alex, Toph has a great point!! Yes. (nm)

Posted by Susan47 on April 22, 2005, at 12:30:41

In reply to Re: oooh, Alex, Toph has a great point!! (nm), posted by sunny10 on April 22, 2005, at 10:20:24

 

Re: I lost myself » Toph

Posted by alexandra_k on April 22, 2005, at 20:21:24

In reply to Re: I lost myself » alexandra_k, posted by Toph on April 22, 2005, at 9:11:49

> I don't know if this is reassuring to you or not alex, but... we remember.

It is.
It is magic that.
I always thought that if I stopped posting nobody would notice
People would forget me
Things would continue on the same.
I worry a lot about how much we are all just interchangable posters.
If one of us leaves then another one or two or six will come to play the role we once did.
And how much each of us is unique and irreplacable.
But I always thought other people would forget.
But ironically, I was the one who forgot.
And the phone message reminded me.
Hmm.

 

Re: I lost myself » Susan47

Posted by alexandra_k on April 22, 2005, at 20:22:09

In reply to Re: I lost myself » alexandra_k, posted by Susan47 on April 22, 2005, at 7:28:26

Don't apologise Susan.
That was good.
Other people do understand...

 

The phone? I love intrigue (nm) » alexandra_k

Posted by Toph on April 23, 2005, at 8:53:53

In reply to Re: I lost myself » Toph, posted by alexandra_k on April 22, 2005, at 20:21:24

 

Re: I lost myself

Posted by anastasia56 on April 23, 2005, at 15:52:04

In reply to Re: I lost myself » Susan47, posted by alexandra_k on April 22, 2005, at 20:22:09

scarey stuff that. i've been driving to work or whatnot and suddenly i'll be there and i don't remember the 'getting there' part. like the brain just popped out for a coffee or something. not to make light of what you went thru. i do feel for you and wish i could reassure you more. maybe all one can hope for is that you understand better what happened to you now that you've had time to sort it out and talk to the doc? i feel like things happen for a reason and maybe you had to go thru that to understand yourself better in some way.

ana

 

Re: I lost myself

Posted by 10derHeart on April 23, 2005, at 17:04:46

In reply to Re: I lost myself » alexandra_k, posted by PM80 on April 22, 2005, at 8:13:38

>>You are more than you can see.

So, so, so much more to us. You simply have no idea.

 

Re: oooh, Alex, Toph has a great point!! Yes. YES. (nm)

Posted by 10derHeart on April 23, 2005, at 17:06:42

In reply to Re: oooh, Alex, Toph has a great point!! Yes. (nm), posted by Susan47 on April 22, 2005, at 12:30:41

 

Are you making fun of my head, TDH? (nm)

Posted by Toph on April 23, 2005, at 22:23:00

In reply to Re: oooh, Alex, Toph has a great point!! Yes. YES. (nm), posted by 10derHeart on April 23, 2005, at 17:06:42

 

Re: I lost myself » alexandra_k

Posted by Damos on April 23, 2005, at 23:33:08

In reply to Re: I lost myself » Toph, posted by alexandra_k on April 22, 2005, at 20:21:24

> I always thought that if I stopped posting nobody would notice
> People would forget me

I for one hope that you are never lost to yourself or to us ever again. The outpouring of love and concern almost from the moment of your last post on the Saturday till last Monday's most wonderful news from gg was a wonder to behold and an incredible priviledge to be part of. Dearest Alex you have and continue to touch so many of us with your kindness, love and beauty that I'm sure we will all carry you with us always.

(((((alex)))))

 

Re: I lost myself » Damos

Posted by alexandra_k on April 23, 2005, at 23:57:58

In reply to Re: I lost myself » alexandra_k, posted by Damos on April 23, 2005, at 23:33:08

Oh Damos, you are going to make me cry.
All of you.
You are so sweet.

 

Re:Making fun/ Now, listen here, birthday boy... » Toph

Posted by 10derHeart on April 24, 2005, at 0:42:26

In reply to Are you making fun of my head, TDH? (nm), posted by Toph on April 23, 2005, at 22:23:00

First of all, sunny made that statement, NOT me...so there!

Secondly, no one bothered to inform me if that is, indeed, the *condition* of your head! Really! How rude!

I mean, what if I'd knitted you a hat for your birthday or something, it wouldn't even fit correctly.

Hey, Ijust had a great flashback to old SNL...thanks!

 

Re: I lost myself » alexandra_k

Posted by Damos on April 24, 2005, at 2:26:23

In reply to Re: I lost myself » Damos, posted by alexandra_k on April 23, 2005, at 23:57:58

> Oh Damos, you are going to make me cry.

I'd rather be making you smile =0)

We did make a significant scientific discovery though, that babblers *can* go 10 days without breathing or sleeping.

you're something very special kid. Take good care.

 

Re: I lost myself » alexandra_k

Posted by AdaGrace on April 25, 2005, at 8:26:22

In reply to I lost myself, posted by alexandra_k on April 22, 2005, at 2:10:52

Alex,

I feel for you here in this post. I often wonder if I would just simply wake up one day and be locked up, banging my head against the wall. I am so mixed in the head, and yet pretending not to be. My memory seems to be fading, I read posts on here that I have written and I don't remember them at all. They don't even sound like things I would say. It's scary. I know. But I want you to know that I have been thinking of you and am glad that you are back. And yes, I would have NOT forgotten you if you never came back. Many people do not realize that they have touched someones life and affected it in such a way that they will never be forgotten. You are one of those people to me. You and so many others here on this website. People who without knowing me, knowing what I look like, knowing every sickening detail of my past.....and yet have given me unconditional support. It's amazing, this thing called the internet. Stretching acround the world where hands can join with another soul in need.

Take Care Alex

Ada, full of warm feelings, Grace

 

Re: I lost myself » AdaGrace

Posted by alexandra_k on April 25, 2005, at 19:57:46

In reply to Re: I lost myself » alexandra_k, posted by AdaGrace on April 25, 2005, at 8:26:22

Oh Gracie, I am so very glad that you are here
And that you share what you share with us.
I feel for you
Really.
I see a lot of myself in you
In your heartache
In the ways you cope
In your desires
And fears.
I can speak openly here in a way that I never would or could IRL - not in a million years.
And to really pour stuff from the heart
Ones life story
Ones desires
And fears
And to see that other people don't judge
And don't condemn
And relate
And go through similar stuff...
Well it is the most wonderful feeling in the world.
(((Gracie)))

 

Still waiting for my hat ; ) » 10derHeart

Posted by Toph on May 3, 2005, at 10:16:02

In reply to Re:Making fun/ Now, listen here, birthday boy... » Toph, posted by 10derHeart on April 24, 2005, at 0:42:26

<: o


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