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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 28 to 52 of 53. Go back in thread:
Posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 13:55:46
In reply to suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23
I'm sorry guys, I'm feeling so low right now, I hate to regress, but I can't help it, I need to tell people how I feel without going out without anybody knowing why. I might send a text to my mother linking her to this wonderful forum so she can understand why.
I've tried to feel better but the bloody booze and diazepam just wont let me feel OK.
I've found 50 Dormidina in the kitchen, it's a sedating antihistamine, and my mate gave me 12 80 mg oxycontins, and four 1mg Royhipnol, he's a recovering addict and has copious amounts of drugs to deal with his desperate attempt to get of methadone. He thinks I'm just suffering from back pain and insomnia, I feel guilty for not letting him know the truth. Those meds coupled with my diazepam and alcohol should do the trick. Well it's better than hanging myself.
I've tried so hard to avoid doing this but I'm just so depressed right now, I'm trying to shake it off, I know I'm so lucky to live where I live and have wonderful people that care about me but booze just sucks me into a black hole sometimes.
I'm getting really drunk right now, gonna smoke a spliff and hopefully that will put me to sleep, it's AK47 BTW, fantastic weed.
I still don't know what you mean by babble mail? Is it a Dr Bob email client? Nobody explained it to me?
I'm feel so upset I let some you you beautiful people down.
I might not go through with this yet, I just need time to think and get stoned. It's a really stupid thing to do, I know that, life is a beautiful miracle and suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
Love and respect to you all. xx
Posted by jasmineneroli on October 27, 2009, at 14:36:32
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 13:55:46
Hello there:
I'm very happy that you have found us here at Babble & are still with us today.
I know that all-enveloping feeling of the desire to just get rest and peace from the world. I was lucky enough to find help through the correct medicine and therapy, plus support of my family.
I beg you to resist. You are loved and valued here amongst us. Keep posting, and venting, and expressing yourself here. We will all listen.(Are you in the UK? You sound like you are. I'm originally from the UK, now living in the US. Do you have access to a good psychiatrist or mental health care? If your family members don't understand you, mental health experts will. They can help put you on a path of medications and counselling).
Check back with us as many times as you like :)
J
Posted by manic666 on October 27, 2009, at 14:46:41
In reply to Re I am glad you are still here..., posted by rskontos on October 27, 2009, at 12:10:26
stay safe my friend, sorry if i was blunt, but you no i was reaching out to you.
Posted by SLS on October 27, 2009, at 14:54:13
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 13:55:46
Hi.
I don't think you are letting anyone down just because you are not jumping for joy. I think many of us recognize the horrific thoughts and feelings that currently invade your consciousness.
Depression can be a real pain in the @ss. It forms a self-perpetuating cycle. Depressed feelings lead to depressed thoughts which lead to depressed feelings which lead to depressed thoughts... etc. If alcohol can have such a deleterious effect on your mood, perhaps a biological treatment with antidepressant drugs will be necessary to dissolve the depression. It might break the depressive cycle for you.
My guess (only a guess) is that you have not exhausted all the treatment possibilities that are now available, whether they be biological or psychological. Of course, these things don't mean very much if you really don't recognize that life might be worth living if things were to change for you. It is obvious in your writing that you do recognize the possibility that life can be worth living. You just might not believe that this applies to you. It takes a certain amount of bravery to follow through with an act of suicide. However, it takes much more bravery to commit to living - and endeavoring to live well. I sense that you do have some positive energy left to work with. You might as well use it to pursue life. You always have the right to make choices as you go along. If you choose to live another day, you have not necessarily committed to living another week or month or year.
I would like nothing better than to have the power to convince you to continue living and promise you the secrets of how to pursue a life that is rich and rewarding. Since I have no such power, I will have to settle with writing this short note and hope that you can find something useful and positive in it. I can guarantee you very little except that your future is uncertain. In other words, you cannot be certain that your life will remain intolerable and unrewarding. Uncertainty can breed hope if looked at this way.
For today, I hope that you find a place that is tolerable and safe.
- Scott
Posted by Deneb on October 27, 2009, at 15:40:52
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 13:55:46
I thought I was going to lose you right after being so happy to see you post again! I'm so glad you're with us!
Things will get better. They did for me.
I hope you get your meds sorted out and get rid of the apathy. That is my main problem too, the apathy, especially for school.
Posted by Maxime on October 27, 2009, at 16:30:24
In reply to Re: I'm really glad you're still here, posted by Deneb on October 27, 2009, at 15:40:52
I'm so glad that you are still with us. The world wouldn't be the same without out.
If you go to the top right hand of the page you will see a sign that says registration. You can sign up for Babblemail there. It's really easy.
All I can say is that I am glad you had so many bears you had to drink because it bought us time.
I am not stranger to suicide. I've tried over 6 times and falied. I should take it as a sigh eh? You too.
So sign up for your Babblemail so that we can talk to you.
Peace.
Posted by delna on October 27, 2009, at 16:35:30
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 13:55:46
I'm sorry I don't know what to say or how to take the awful pain away.
But I just wanted to let you know that I am around and am thinking of you. I hope you get through this dark patch- I'm sure there is light ahead.
Sending you lots of love and positive thoughts.
Hope you find some good medical help.
Love
D
Posted by rskontos on October 27, 2009, at 16:44:15
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 13:55:46
We can't babblemail you because you have it turned off. I can't leave you like this. If you look at any of our names those that are highlighted in purplish color and underlined if you click those names it will take you to the babblemail site. It is a private email option for Babblers. It will keep your private email address from babblers but is a way to communicate in a separate way than on the boards. You can go to FAQ and it will tell you how to go back now and turn your babblemail on. It is if you want other Babblers to privately email you through Babble. If not, you can babblemail any of us that are highlighted and underlined.
hope that answers that. WE want you to live.
rsk
Posted by Phillipa on October 27, 2009, at 19:30:59
In reply to Re: babblemail options » Impermanence, posted by rskontos on October 27, 2009, at 16:44:15
Yes click on any of our names that are in color and not black and a screen appears you post a message to the person who's name you select and then go to bottom of that note you wrote and hit send. I'm hoping you've done this. And do please turn your's on. Registration site hit yes I want babblemail on. And I'm so Proud of you for being here. I did work in detox and know how wonderful a person can feel when away from home and many caring people will help you detox painlessly. And help you and other patients also are there for support. I just know you can do it. I have a feeling your're a spiritual person. Love Phillipa you did it be proud!!! I am that you're here with your friends.
Posted by Sigismund on October 27, 2009, at 19:38:36
In reply to Re: babblemail options » Impermanence, posted by rskontos on October 27, 2009, at 16:44:15
We need people in this world who prefer to stay in their rooms reading Nietzche and listening to Chopin.
You would remember writing this years ago
>Forget the religion, you don't need someone telling you what they think God is. I truly believe God is nothing but pure love and kindness. No matter what you feel you might have done wrong God will still take you in his arms like a new born child (like he really sees you). You are an amazing living creature, don't allow a man made idea to corrupt you into thinking otherwise. You can do anything you want my friend. Don't let "fear" (the true satan) rule your life.
>lots of love xxx
You can be kind to others. Be kind to yourself. What was it you said? The tedium, boredom and fear of it all? Well, yes, but even so.....
Posted by Sigismund on October 27, 2009, at 21:54:28
In reply to suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23
My experience has been that alcohol leads to insomnia and that benzos both relieve and create fear and agoraphobia.
I have not found a way out of this bind myself.
(I just try to be as moderate as I am able.)
Posted by ace on October 27, 2009, at 22:52:51
In reply to Re: suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 27, 2009, at 13:55:46
Hey friend,
I am very happy to hear you are OK!I am very happy to hear you didn't go through with any plans...
with regards to your feelings...
It is healthy to let others know of your despair at times. Feel free to let it go without any guilt
I would try now to surge a slow and steady plan to get your peace of mind back. But always have people around you to help you. And we will here!
Keep living mate!!!!
Ace
Posted by blahblahblah on October 28, 2009, at 1:09:12
In reply to suicide, posted by Impermanence on October 26, 2009, at 3:22:23
Impermanence, how are you doing?
You said you read Nietzsche, I do too. So in true Nietzsche style you should work to overcome this. To reach a state of the child and find innocence. I know it's hard to do, but without the pain we can't reach the new beginnings. Keep becoming, don't just be.
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 28, 2009, at 3:25:37
In reply to Re: babblemail options » Impermanence, posted by rskontos on October 27, 2009, at 16:44:15
> We can't babblemail you because you have it turned off. ... If you look at any of our names those that are highlighted in purplish color and underlined if you click those names it will take you to the babblemail site. It is a private email option for Babblers. It will keep your private email address from babblers but is a way to communicate in a separate way than on the boards. You can go to FAQ and it will tell you how to go back now and turn your babblemail on. It is if you want other Babblers to privately email you through Babble. If not, you can babblemail any of us that are highlighted and underlined.
Impermanence, I'm glad you opted for at least a little more permanence.
rsk, thanks for explaining. Here's a link directly to that section of the FAQ:
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/faq.html#babblemail
Bob
Posted by Impermanence on October 28, 2009, at 8:24:57
In reply to Re: babblemail options, posted by Sigismund on October 27, 2009, at 19:38:36
Did somebody here contact my ISP? And they then in turn called my local police station.
Last night after another wonderful to hour talk with a suicide helpline and then went for a drive with my Mother and had a long chat.
I told her everything, we hugged. I stopped drinking, stopped wanting to die.
Now fast forward to this morning, I'm delirious and stoked in sweat. I was having vivid hallucinations, walking around by bedroom looking at all my stuff destroyed and a box of chocolates on my floor then in an instant I was still in bed shivering. 0!o WTF? Yes lucid dreaming. I was obviously going through withdrawals.
So I got up, cleaned my self up, forced a healthy breakfast down me and then there's a knock on my door from my father with two police officers who explained to me somebody reported my suicidal contemplation to my ISP and the rang the cops.
I thought this forum was anonymous and confidential and If somebody here did contact my ISP then I'm very disappointed and I doubt I'll be sharing my feelings here ever again.
Going through withdrawals and having to explain to cops you're not suicidal is a difficult situation to be put into, especally when you suffer from avoidance personality disorder and are a nervous wreak around people at the best of times.
In fairness the cops where very kind and felt assured I'm doing mush better today and as long as I keep off that demon booze and talk to a therapist everything will be fine.
You guys where wonderful when I was in that black abyss buy nobody had a right to interfere with my life, that was out of order.
Namaste.
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 28, 2009, at 9:36:37
In reply to Re: babblemail options, posted by Impermanence on October 28, 2009, at 8:24:57
> I thought this forum was anonymous and confidential and If somebody here did contact my ISP then I'm very disappointed and I doubt I'll be sharing my feelings here ever again.
>
> Going through withdrawals and having to explain to cops you're not suicidal is a difficult situation to be put into, especally when you suffer from avoidance personality disorder and are a nervous wreak around people at the best of times.
>
> In fairness the cops where very kind and felt assured I'm doing mush better today and as long as I keep off that demon booze and talk to a therapist everything will be fine.
>
> You guys where wonderful when I was in that black abyss buy nobody had a right to interfere with my life, that was out of order.That was me. I apologize for putting you in a difficult situation, but what I wanted to interfere with was your death. I'm glad the cops cared enough to check on you and were kind to you when they did.
I do hope you continue to share your journey here. The members of this community really can be wonderful!
Bob
Posted by RMFlorida on October 28, 2009, at 12:21:31
In reply to Re: difficult situation » Impermanence, posted by Dr. Bob on October 28, 2009, at 9:36:37
To be honest, I think that was pretty amazing what Dr. Bob did.
Most people in that position, particularly doctor's that I've met, wouldn't have invested the time or emotion to get involved.
I know it feels like an intrusion, but it's the people that do things we don't like, who are usually the ones doing the most to help us, despite our discontent in their doing so.
The more you can refrain from being upset by people, even when it's justified, the easier it is to make it to the next day.
There is an important saying that goes a long way. I don't remember it word for word, but essentially: when you get upset with someone it only hurts *you*. For the most part, the other person is mildy affected (at best) while your personality suffers significantly.
In short, it's nice to know there are people that care enough about you to go to those lengths (looking up your ISP, etc -- that's not easy) and further, taking the time to own-up to doing so.
I hope you'll be able to see this positive-side of the coin and continue to do such a great job in getting back on track.
Keep your chin up; you sound like you have a lot to offer others, and I'm looking forward to hearing from you once you're back on your game and doing well :-).
Posted by Phillipa on October 28, 2009, at 19:29:21
In reply to Re: difficult situation, posted by RMFlorida on October 28, 2009, at 12:21:31
A few years ago I was e-mailing with a poster that no longer posted here he was going to kill himself. I myself googled San Diego police dept. Called them they went to the person's home and he spent three days in a lock up in hospital. I cared enough about him to take the risk and I also talked with his pdoc, and sent the suicidal e-mails to him via fax. He wasn't happy but we still write as of today and are friend and guess what? That was the best thing I could have done for him. He's very successful today and on the right meds. We support each other daily him me really as he's better. I feel good about it and he's forgiven me. Phillipa ps I cared for him, still do and what Dr. Bob did was for your safety and protection. Good people here. Love Phillipa
Posted by impermanence on October 30, 2009, at 3:47:30
In reply to Re: difficult situation » Impermanence, posted by Dr. Bob on October 28, 2009, at 9:36:37
Yeah wow, thank you Dr Bob, now my GP (who the cops also called up to ) wont administer diazepam to me any-more, so I now have to buy it of drug dealers who charge me 1 Euro a pill when I got it for free with my medical card before, they also sell crack, smack and weed and every other drug under the sun, well done, Bob, BTW they're not very nice people, And I have to deal with them now. I also now have to see some f*ck*ng psychologist if I want a diazepam prescription, and he's going to want me to go into treatment, either in-patient or out-patient, it doesn't matter, you caused it, And I'm so pissed at you for interfering like this, you had no f*ck*ng right. I understand you meant well, you where doing your job, but you seriously screwed with my private life over your abuse of forum confidentiality. I know you meant well ant thought you where saving my life, I understand that but I'm so pissed at you right now, you really f*ck*d things up for me.
Posted by BayLeaf on October 30, 2009, at 6:39:46
In reply to Re: difficult situation, posted by impermanence on October 30, 2009, at 3:47:30
Can you re-read you first post in this thread? Can you imagine how others felt when they read it? We were worried sick and completely believed you were going to act on those words right away. Many people were trying hard to help you. Many people tried hard to alert Dr Bob so he could act to stop you.
If you buy drugs from dealers, that's your decision. I wish you wouldn't.
What are you using diazepam for? anxiety or sleep?
Maybe now that people irl know how desparate you've been, you may get better help in the long run? i hope so.
There are a lot of great people here who want to help you. i hope you post more and get to know them.
bay
Posted by Dr. Bob on October 30, 2009, at 11:25:24
In reply to Re: difficult situation, posted by impermanence on October 30, 2009, at 3:47:30
> now my GP ... wont administer diazepam to me any-more, so I now have to buy it of drug dealers ... I also now have to see some f*ck*ng psychologist if I want a diazepam prescription, and he's going to want me to go into treatment
So buying it from drug dealers isn't your only option, you can also go into treatment...
> And I'm so pissed at you for interfering like this, you had no f*ck*ng right. I understand you meant well, you where doing your job, but you seriously screwed with my private life over your abuse of forum confidentiality. I know you meant well ant thought you where saving my life, I understand that but I'm so pissed at you right now, you really f*ck*d things up for me.
Thank you for trusting that I meant well. You're justified in feeling pissed, I really did interfere in a major way.
Bob
Posted by psych chat on October 30, 2009, at 23:35:59
In reply to Re: difficult situation, posted by impermanence on October 30, 2009, at 3:47:30
Hi Impermanence,
Dr. Bob had no choice but to do what he did. If someone notifies him of another's intent to harm himself or another, like any medical doctor, he is bound by ethical and even legal guidelines that force him to notify the appropriate authorities. If he did not do what he did, he could get sanctioned and even sued.
Having suicidal thoughts is one thing, but you had a clear plan of action. There was no choice in the matter.
I have a feeling though- this whole experience will turn your life around for the better. The drugs you get from a psychiatrist may be just what you need to be in the state of mind you wish to be in. Give it some time. Things will settle. Think of the possibilities - your new beginning.
Take good care xo
Posted by ace on November 2, 2009, at 0:13:01
In reply to Re: difficult situation, posted by Dr. Bob on October 30, 2009, at 11:25:24
> > now my GP ... wont administer diazepam to me any-more, so I now have to buy it of drug dealers ... I also now have to see some f*ck*ng psychologist if I want a diazepam prescription, and he's going to want me to go into treatment
What? A psychologist giving medication to a patient? Only psychiatrists can do this (and rightly so)
> So buying it from drug dealers isn't your only option, you can also go into treatment...
>
> > And I'm so pissed at you for interfering like this, you had no f*ck*ng right. I understand you meant well, you where doing your job, but you seriously screwed with my private life over your abuse of forum confidentiality. I know you meant well ant thought you where saving my life, I understand that but I'm so pissed at you right now, you really f*ck*d things up for me.
>
> Thank you for trusting that I meant well. You're justified in feeling pissed, I really did interfere in a major way.
>
> Bob
Posted by ace on November 2, 2009, at 0:20:49
In reply to Re: difficult situation, posted by impermanence on October 30, 2009, at 3:47:30
> Yeah wow, thank you Dr Bob, now my GP (who the cops also called up to ) wont administer diazepam to me any-more, so I now have to buy it of drug dealers who charge me 1 Euro a pill when I got it for free with my medical card before, they also sell crack, smack and weed and every other drug under the sun, well done, Bob, BTW they're not very nice people, And I have to deal with them now. I also now have to see some f*ck*ng psychologist if I want a diazepam prescription,
See another GP. Tell him of your history (if possible bring in any pertinent psychiatric records) and your need to be on diazepam.
and he's going to want me to go into treatment, either in-patient or out-patient, it doesn't matter, you caused it, And I'm so pissed at you for interfering like this, you had no f*ck*ng right.He only interfered because he does not want to see you die. No one does!
He could have easily turned a blind eye to this.I understand you meant well, you where doing your job, but you seriously screwed with my private life over your abuse of forum confidentiality. I know you meant well ant thought you where saving my life, I understand that but I'm so pissed at you right now, you really f*ck*d things up for me.
Don't worry, there will certainly be another way you can get diazepam without seeking drug dealers.
Just stay safe mate!Ace:)
Posted by Economist on April 13, 2010, at 22:05:26
In reply to Re: difficult situation, posted by RMFlorida on October 28, 2009, at 12:21:31
> To be honest, I think that was pretty amazing what Dr. Bob did.
Wow, yeah. I'm still in awe of this entire thread.
Someday in the future, hopefully when Impermanence recovers from these low feelings, I'm certain he/she will look back and think the same thing.
Dr. Bob is such an awesome man.
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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
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