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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by philyra on November 25, 2006, at 15:50:47
hi everyone,
i had a MDD about 10 years ago. i did a master's degree since that time that was pretty low-key. now i'm in a ph.d. program and have started to struggle again w/ depression and - new for me - anxiety and some preoccupation with losing weight. i'm able to finish my work and i'm doing well in the program, but it's definitely way harder to cope with the pressure than i thought it would be. it's v. hard for me to admit i need a lighter courseload (perfectionist issues) but i'm making an appt with my adviser to see if i can do that in the spring cause i'm starting to recognize being this unhappy isn't worth being in school. and i *do* love school.
i'm in therapy, i take ativan as needed for anxiety (not on an AD right now), i take good care of myself w/ healthy food, exercise, yoga...in other words i feel have the tools i need to take care of myself. i just wanted to hear from anyone else who might be struggling in school w/ a possible relapse and to hear what's helped you.
thanks!
philyra
Posted by madeline on November 26, 2006, at 9:15:05
In reply to grad school triggered depression + anxiety?, posted by philyra on November 25, 2006, at 15:50:47
do you mind if I ask what field you are pursuing your degree in?
Without any of your history, I'm just going to weigh in with my experience in graduate school and hope it helps.
I was a perfectionist too, until I realized that I was pursuing a terminal degree. All that mattered was that I got the degree.
No one was ever going to look at my transcripts again - in fact my graduate program only assigned pass/fail to graduate courses. What mattered was the dissertation and the research.
Your field may be different, but you might not have to be perfect in your classes anymore - you just have to pass and that's more than good enough.
Also, about how long do you think it will take to complete your program?
Posted by philyra on November 26, 2006, at 10:39:22
In reply to Re: grad school triggered depression + anxiety?, posted by madeline on November 26, 2006, at 9:15:05
i'm in the humanities, and there seems to be a lot of pressure on your performance in coursework. but i am almost done with my courses - 4 more courses to go after this semester. i suppose after this i'll be able to just concentrate on my own research & diss...and my schedule will be totally up to me. total time to completion will be 5-7 yrs and i'm in my 2nd.
what i feel like is that all the pressure made my issues sort of come (back) out of the woodwork - like maybe i was less recovered than i thought i was. or maybe it's just that thing about being in a hard place feeling like you never left in the first place...
philyra
Posted by Gee on November 29, 2006, at 6:41:21
In reply to Re: grad school triggered depression + anxiety? » madeline, posted by philyra on November 26, 2006, at 10:39:22
I'm not in grad school, but I find school can be very triggering for me. The whole perfectionism thing and I'm never able to live up to my expectations. This semester has been nice for me because it's just pass/fail, and I've found that so great for me. I do what I feel I have to do to learn the material, and once I feel I know it, I'm good. Actually, that gives me and idea... have you talked to the disability services?
Posted by gardenergirl on November 29, 2006, at 15:48:22
In reply to grad school triggered depression + anxiety?, posted by philyra on November 25, 2006, at 15:50:47
I so can relate. SO MUCH!
What's helped has been therapy, medication, and recognizing my limits. Learning to be confident and assertive in expressing my needs, even if they differ from the department's has also helped.
But it's hard.
Wish I had more to offer. Still a sore point as long as my dissertation remains unfinished, though.
Good luck,
gg
Posted by philyra on November 29, 2006, at 16:04:18
In reply to Re: grad school triggered depression + anxiety?, posted by Gee on November 29, 2006, at 6:41:21
Hi Gee, i think perfectionism has been hard for me and has triggered old feelings of insecurity and depression. i became clinically depressed in college, so i wonder if i'm relating to that in some way, too, even though i'm in such a different place now...
i haven't talked to dis. services, because my 'performance' has been good, so i figured i didn't need it. but maybe that's an arbitrary way to measure whether i do. i have another round of comp exams coming up next year and i might talk w/ my therapist about whether to ask for an adjustment in the timetable. the last qualifying exam, which i passed, was bloody awful nonetheless - so incredibly triggering! i definitely don't want to go through that again.
did you go through disability services? what kind of adjustment did you make if any?
Posted by philyra on November 29, 2006, at 16:07:59
In reply to Re: grad school triggered depression + anxiety? » philyra, posted by gardenergirl on November 29, 2006, at 15:48:22
Thanks GG! if you don't mind me asking...have you faced different kinds of challenges in diss work? sometimes i feel like when i get to that stage it'll be a lot easier since i'll be setting my own schedule for the most part, but i do worry that without structure i'll lose motivation. i seem to need a lot of encouragement, too, and i wonder how i'll function with out it...today a professor gave me the highest compliment i've received yet, and i feel like i'm walking on air, even though i had a totally awful moment in class moments before that triggered all my anxiety all over again. (just based on freezing up when called on, not anything even that serious.) i hate being so sensitive to feedback.
sometimes i feel like grad school stripped away a lot of my coping mechanisms! ugh.
take care,
philyra
Posted by gardenergirl on November 29, 2006, at 23:54:54
In reply to Re: grad school triggered depression + anxiety? » gardenergirl, posted by philyra on November 29, 2006, at 16:07:59
Hi,
I think grad school challenges our coping more than perhaps it's been challenged before. It's a long, continuous stressor, I think.With my d-word, the lack of structure and "freedom" has been very difficult for me. I have ADHD, and it's hard for me to organize big projects. It's hard for me to structure my time now that I'm done with classes. And anxiety also plays a big role. I have a terrible anxiety about writing, though I've often been told I'm a good writer, and I get good evaluations of my writing. I'm working on inner confidence and structuring my time so I can start making progress again. Oh, and cleaning up my office so I have a decent workspace. Too many piles!
Take care,
gg
Posted by Gee on November 30, 2006, at 15:59:38
In reply to Re: grad school triggered depression + anxiety? » Gee, posted by philyra on November 29, 2006, at 16:04:18
I'm in the process now of getting accomidations. I don't really know what they will end up being but they are for more than one thing.
Posted by philyra on November 30, 2006, at 16:54:12
In reply to Re: grad school triggered depression + anxiety? » philyra, posted by gardenergirl on November 29, 2006, at 23:54:54
> I think grad school challenges our coping more than perhaps it's been challenged before. It's a long, continuous stressor, I think.
oy. that was what i was afraid of...luckily it still feels worth it...i'm so much more fulfilled than when i was working at a desk. i hope that lasts.
Posted by gardenergirl on December 10, 2006, at 22:02:53
In reply to Re: grad school triggered depression + anxiety? » gardenergirl, posted by philyra on November 30, 2006, at 16:54:12
> > I think grad school challenges our coping more than perhaps it's been challenged before. It's a long, continuous stressor, I think.
>
> oy. that was what i was afraid of...luckily it still feels worth it...i'm so much more fulfilled than when i was working at a desk. i hope that lasts.I agree about it being more fulfilling. I suppose even that causes at least a small amount of stress--the good kind, "eustress". But the fulfillment and satisfaction of doing something you love and that you are good at probably has some protective aspects to it, too.
It's hard to find time for adequate self-care in grad school. I had a couple of years when I just sort of collapsed at Christmas break. I usually got a sinus infection or something. It's as if my body held on as long as it needed to and then gave in to stress. That seems better now that my schedule is a little more even.
Anyway, take care of yourself! :)
gg
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