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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 6 of 6. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Racer on August 7, 2006, at 22:13:16
OK, this is a nice mud puddle that some of you might understand. A little background, then the dilemma:
Background:
I'm middle aged, never finished my degree, and am very ashamed of that. After several years of being seriously depressed -- disabling -- I signed up to take a couple of classes at the local community college the past spring. I'm still taking classes there, but trying not to tell myself it's for a degree -- even though that's really what I want. I know, though, that as soon as I say that's what I'm going for, I'm going to start being crazy about it. I'll start trying to take too many classes, and I do have to get an A in every class I take, always. Heck, I have to get an A on every TEST, so you know every class has to end in a vowel...
And I get intense, and I get overwhelmed, and I get hopeless, etc. I know all this.
One other reason I am not saying that I am going for a degree is that this is a jr college -- only two years. After that, if I want a degree, I have to transfer to a four year school, which is gi-normously expensive (relatively, that is), and the costs change at 6 units: if you take up to 6 units, you're part time, and it's about two thirds of the cost of taking more than 6 units. Now, since most of the classes I'm interested in would tick me over 6 units, that means I'd be paying for full time status, but probably only taking two classes, for a grand total of 7 or 8 units, so not cost effective, and I know I'd be trying to take half a dozen classes, so I don't drain our resources for years trying to get a degree that does nothing except please me.
That's all background.
For Fall, I've already enrolled in two classes -- Physiological Psych, and Trig/Pre-calc. The Psych class is online, the Trig/Pre-calc in in classroom. I'm thinking, though, that I might want to sign up for a class in American History -- get it out of the way, since I've been dreading it for 25 years, and it's required for any degree in this state, and also required to transfer. But then again, maybe that's just me trying to set things up so that I get so overwhelmed that I quit entirely. I'm not sure.
Part of me is saying, "But now I've got a few classes under my belt, I know two of the instructors and they know and like me, and the History can't be that bad... I enjoy maths, I think I'll be interested by the Psych class -- adding History wouldn't really be too bad..."
Another part is saying, "You can't do it. You know you can't do it. You're just going to fall apart again, you'll be miserable -- you might even get yourself back into the hospital if you try."
I can't tell which voice is making more sense. I will bring this up with my T, but I wonder what those of you familiar with me from this place think?
Thanks!
Posted by Jost on August 9, 2006, at 0:38:20
In reply to Am I *trying* to fail? Setting myself up?, posted by Racer on August 7, 2006, at 22:13:16
Maybe it's better to take the next step (ie a heavier load of classes) without choosing a course you've been dreading for 25 years.
I'd try a third class where you're more at home with the subject, rather than something that's already a source of conflict and concern.
Are there other required courses that you'd enjoy, that would give you more confidence and be a stepping stone to greater assurance in the future?
As you're used to more classes and know you can handle them, you might feel much more able to tackle difficult classes.
I think it's great you're taking it slow--
Jost
Posted by llrrrpp on August 12, 2006, at 21:29:32
In reply to Re: Am I *trying* to fail? Setting myself up?, posted by Jost on August 9, 2006, at 0:38:20
hi racer,
I'm totally there with you. I know you're scared about a certain class. I had a class like that. It caused me to avoid being a molecular bio major. I actually ended up taking it because I found out that it was a prerequisite for graduate school. I decided to take it pass/fail. It was AMAZING to take this class without the pressure of stressing out about it ruining my GPA. I actually had time to think about how the material related to the rest of my coursework and my life. Sometimes daydreaming is not a bad thing. And I wasn't under pressure during exams and so I didn't get that familiar panicky feeling. Instead, I just learned my stuff, and went in feeling like I was going to get a "pass". My homework and test average in that class was 98%. The highest grade in the class. The professor was very confused when I asked him 6 weeks before the end of the semester to be graded pass/fail. He said "why?" I said, it's because I don't need the pressure, I just want to pass this class, and worry about the next step in my life, rather than this last class that most people take in their sophomore year.Anyways,
figure out if you need a degree- what will change in your life if you have a degree? Are these changes important to you? Are the consequences of having a degree worth the sacrifices and the stress? Also, figure out if you need a specific degree to accomplish your goals. If your goal is to have a degree to demonstate that you have taken many courses and passed them, then certainly choose courses that are meaningful to you. If you are taking courses just to broaden your horizons and stretch your mind to see which subjects are interesting to you- then I'm not sure why you need to take a course load that is too expensive or not interesting to you.If your goal is to drive yourself crazy, well, there are a lot of courses you can take, all at once, and if possible at a very expensive private college. I don't think this is your goal, however. Continue doing what you're doing. It sounds plenty challenging, and plenty rewarding. When the time comes to take American History, perhaps you can prime yourself to find this subject less intimidating. For instance, watching movies and miniseries about the American Revolution, the Civil War, the World Wars, and the Civil Rights Movement helps me understand written material, because I can visualize events better when I know the faces, places and characters involved. Visiting museums helps too, as does doing some road trips to important places nearby that have historical significance. Get to know Ken Burns... :o)
And Racer, don't drive yourself crazy. Summer session will be over in 96 short hours. And you will be so relieved! you're just ready for a break, that's all. Physiological psychology sounds like a lot of fun! When you learn something new promise to share on psychobabble, okay?
(oh yeah, and when all else fails, I buy pretty pens in colorful inks. if the work is SO awful, I might as well write with an instrument that makes it a tiny bit more happy...)
-ll
Posted by Racer on August 13, 2006, at 2:35:28
In reply to Re: Am I *trying* to fail? Setting myself up?, posted by llrrrpp on August 12, 2006, at 21:29:32
Thanks, Lurpsie, I was hoping you'd respond. You're very encouraging.
As for History, the problem isn't that the material is intimidating -- it's that my experience of the way it's taught is gut-wrenching! lol I've read a lot of history, and it usually comes alive for me -- until a teacher gets ahold of it... Give me Jefferson as a red headed dervish, with doubts and inspiration -- I'm there. Give me a bunch of dates that really aren't all that important, or ask me to remember the military maneuvers that won or lost a specific battle? Nope, that goes out of my head pretty quickly. It's amazing how much great information can be spoiled by a lousy teacher -- like the ones I had when I tried to take this the first TWO times... (Had to withdraw both times, for different reasons at different schools...)
> When the time comes to take American History, perhaps you can prime yourself to find this subject less intimidating. For instance, watching movies and miniseries about the American Revolution, the Civil War, the World Wars, and the Civil Rights Movement helps me understand written material, because I can visualize events better when I know the faces, places and characters involved.
>
> (oh yeah, and when all else fails, I buy pretty pens in colorful inks. if the work is SO awful, I might as well write with an instrument that makes it a tiny bit more happy...)
>
> -llLOL! I buy new mechanical pencils...
Thanks.
I did drop the history class, by the way.
Now I've got a new misery about school though... I think just like the infertility thing, where I'm pretty much gonna have to come to terms with never being able to have a child, I'm also going to have to give up any idea of being invited to join Phi Beta Kappa...
Then again, I'm just not having a good life this time around, huh?
Posted by llrrrpp on August 13, 2006, at 7:17:02
In reply to Re: Am I *trying* to fail? Setting myself up? » llrrrpp, posted by Racer on August 13, 2006, at 2:35:28
PBK?
there are more important things to worry about than pieces of paper we frame, or little golden trinkets we put in our curio cabinets.And you're having a great go at this life of yours. You can make Hong Kong finished seams. I'm so jealous. I never have the patience to do nice work like that.
I hope you'll give American History another shot. maybe you'll get a good teacher? or you can take it online or something and just muscle your way through the material, and leave the uninspired instructor in the dust.
click clik click- you know what that sound is?
It's the sound of a brand new mechanical pencil... oh yeah :)
-ll
Posted by Fallsfall on August 19, 2006, at 12:38:07
In reply to Re: Am I *trying* to fail? Setting myself up? » llrrrpp, posted by Racer on August 13, 2006, at 2:35:28
Given that the prof matters so much to you, can you sit in (secretly?) for a class or two with a prof or two to see who you like?
This is the end of the thread.
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