![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 25. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on June 28, 2008, at 0:47:00
Not sure what changed. Nothing really.
I just realized life isn't all that meaningful.
Posted by Phillipa on June 28, 2008, at 12:53:21
In reply to I don't care about living to be old anymore, posted by Deneb on June 28, 2008, at 0:47:00
As you age you will change your mind trust me on this as I felt the same at your age. But you are still on the same dose of resperidol aren't you? See I'm bringing I hope to your attention negative thinking patterns which I'm very guilty of myself. Love Phillipa
Posted by Deneb on June 28, 2008, at 20:15:09
In reply to I don't care about living to be old anymore, posted by Deneb on June 28, 2008, at 0:47:00
I'm sad. I don't feel like I can write on Babble about what I think anymore. There is no good that can come out of writing about such things.
I'm not anonymous at Babble anymore. There are some things I can't write about now.
I have no one to tell.
Posted by Sigismund on June 28, 2008, at 20:42:56
In reply to I don't care about living to be old anymore, posted by Deneb on June 28, 2008, at 0:47:00
>I just realized life isn't all that meaningful
Let's leave humans out of it for the moment.
Do you think the life of (say) ants is meaningful?
They do their anty thing.
Is that where the meaning is?
(I was reading that if (say) a cow was to try to waken from the prison of self by following the eightfold path, we might think the cow had made a bad bet.)
Is there the idea that life should have some meaning beyond our response to it?
Posted by Sigismund on June 28, 2008, at 20:47:19
In reply to Re: I don't care about living to be old anymore, posted by Sigismund on June 28, 2008, at 20:42:56
If I'm not careful I'll fill this space with King Lear quotes.
Posted by Angela2 on June 29, 2008, at 9:54:59
In reply to Re: ..., posted by Deneb on June 28, 2008, at 20:15:09
Deneb, why are you not anonymous anymore?
((((deneb))))
maybe try writing in a journal or talking to you T.
Posted by Dinah on June 29, 2008, at 13:46:49
In reply to Re: ..., posted by Deneb on June 28, 2008, at 20:15:09
There are some ways you're less anonymous now. A few people know who you really are. And many people care about you and want what's best for you. I don't think you'll be able to post and get responses from people who aren't engaged with you.
Also, we have known you over a long period of times and are likely to notice trends, particularly trends in times of medication changes. So in that way you're not as anonymous.
So you've lost something perhaps. But you've gained friends and people who care about you. Not altogether a bad tradeoff, is it?
Posted by Deneb on June 29, 2008, at 15:43:21
In reply to Re: ... » Deneb, posted by Dinah on June 29, 2008, at 13:46:49
I'm in big trouble. I went to work today and I couldn't function. I just couldn't function.
I asked to go home. I said I wasn't feeling well.
I don't know what to do right now.
I'm really down all of a sudden.
Right now I'm pretending I"m at work. The libraries are closed today so I'm at an Internet cafe.
Wandering around I just wanted to drop onto the ground and just lay there.
I don't know what to do.
Posted by jammerlich on June 29, 2008, at 16:04:35
In reply to Re: I'm in big trouble, posted by Deneb on June 29, 2008, at 15:43:21
It's ok. Just think of today as a mental health holiday. I'm just sorry you don't feel like you can go home and relax. You could always tell your family there wasn't enough work.
Can you do something really nice while you're out? How about buying yourself a nice treat, like a pair of shoes or a new shirt? Or maybe eating a special comfort food.
Posted by Dinah on June 29, 2008, at 16:10:56
In reply to Re: I'm in big trouble, posted by Deneb on June 29, 2008, at 15:43:21
Do you think your meds change might be involved?
Whether it is or not, try calling your pdoc as soon as possible to talk to her about it.
You just might need to taper more slowly is all. Or not taper, or substitute. It is rotten during that adjustment period. But things will get better again.
Posted by Sigismund on June 29, 2008, at 16:12:41
In reply to Re: I'm in big trouble, posted by Dinah on June 29, 2008, at 16:10:56
But maybe your work is stressful?
I can't remember exactly, but I do remember it sounded pretty stressful to me.
Posted by Deneb on June 29, 2008, at 16:21:58
In reply to (((((Deneb))))), posted by jammerlich on June 29, 2008, at 16:04:35
I feel a little better now. Dr. Bob bought me on facebook. :-)
I don't know what is wrong. I feel down lately.
I don't want to do anything but sleep.
What am I going to do tomorrow? I don't know if I can go to work.
Posted by Deneb on June 29, 2008, at 16:26:21
In reply to Re: I'm in big trouble, posted by Dinah on June 29, 2008, at 16:10:56
I haven't changed anything with my meds. Well except I forgot to take them the other day, but that is just one day. I should still have them in my system.
Not sure what to do right now.
Posted by Phillipa on June 29, 2008, at 19:42:16
In reply to Re: I'm in big trouble +raquo; Dinah, posted by Deneb on June 29, 2008, at 16:26:21
Deneb so you haven't started the taper yet? Maybe just a bad day. Anything happen at home? Love Phillipa
Posted by Deneb on June 29, 2008, at 22:54:35
In reply to Re: I'm in big trouble +raquo; Dinah » Deneb, posted by Phillipa on June 29, 2008, at 19:42:16
I can't keep this in anymore.
I can't say these things anymore because they always lead to no good. I don't want to be attention seeking. I'm past that now.
And yet...here I am writing about it.
I just want to badly escape right now. I don't want to face things. I don't know what to do.
Posted by Deneb on June 29, 2008, at 22:55:13
In reply to Re: ... » Phillipa, posted by Deneb on June 29, 2008, at 22:54:35
Posted by Sigismund on June 30, 2008, at 1:24:15
In reply to Re: ...oops, above to no one in particular (nm), posted by Deneb on June 29, 2008, at 22:55:13
In my volunteer job I have to scan in CDs and have just scanned this in and it brought you to mind.
Posted by Racer on June 30, 2008, at 9:45:11
In reply to Re: ...oops, above to no one in particular, posted by Sigismund on June 30, 2008, at 1:24:15
If that clip raises Deneb's spirits as well as it did mine, it'll go a long way towards healing what ails her.
Thank you.
Posted by Racer on June 30, 2008, at 9:53:20
In reply to Re: ... » Phillipa, posted by Deneb on June 29, 2008, at 22:54:35
>
> I can't say these things anymore because they always lead to no good. I don't want to be attention seeking. I'm past that now.
>Deneb, honey -- seeking attention isn't bad. It's not the attention seeking that's bad -- we all seek attention, and that's fine. It's healthy to seek attention.
What makes the "attention seeking behavior" of BPD a problem is that it tends to be extreme and/or self-destructive behavior. There's nothing at all wrong with saying, "You know, I could use a little attention about now, could anyone here please listen to me a little?" The problem comes when someone says something more like, "You know, I could use a little attention about now -- and I'll do something desperate if you don't listen to me."
It sounds as though you've got a bunch of things happening at once. You're adjusting to a new job, and you're looking at tapering off your medications -- and you're getting faced with the reality of life, all at the same time. The reality of life is that it's not always very exciting, nor even all that interesting. Much of life is going to the same job every day and doing the same things there. During the period when one adjusts to that reality, there are often phases of thinking, "Is this all there is?" The answer to that question, by the way, is a resounding NO! There's more to life -- but that is still part of life.
And the medication changes, or even the thought of medication changes, can add to that, by bringing up all those uncertainties. And Deneb? Part of "losing your anonymity" here is that we know you well enough to know that you don't always handle uncertainties very well. :-) That's fine -- a lot of people, myself certainly included, have trouble with that.
Deneb, I don't know what's going on for you, but I'm very sorry you don't feel you can post about these things here right now. I hope you do feel the support you're getting here on this thread. And I hope you feel you can post what you need to post, and discuss what you need to discuss.
Peace, little one.
Posted by Deneb on June 30, 2008, at 12:20:47
In reply to I hope you feel better » Deneb, posted by Racer on June 30, 2008, at 9:53:20
Thanks Racer.
I don't know what is wrong right now. I just feel really depressed. I have to go to work today. I hope I can do it.
When I say I'm not anonymous, I mostly mean that people like my sister can log in anytime and read what I'm writing.
I've already revealed too much.
I don't want to do anything right now.
I feel really freaking depressed.
I just called in sick for work again. I think I'll go back to my old job. This new job is too stressful for me.
I was thinking all sorts of bad thoughts again, but right now I'm too depressed to even think.
This post took over an hour to write.
Posted by Deneb on June 30, 2008, at 18:38:48
In reply to Re: I hope you feel better, posted by Deneb on June 30, 2008, at 12:20:47
For some reason or another, I can't face work. I don't know what to do. I feel a little better now, but I can't face work.
I want to escape. I don't know what to do.
What do I do? I can't deal with life.
I just want to disappear.
Posted by Phillipa on June 30, 2008, at 21:08:34
In reply to Re: I don't know what to do!, posted by Deneb on June 30, 2008, at 18:38:48
Deneb maybe time to call the pdoc and also you're posting name if your sister knows it and then you will be ananymous right? Love Phillipa
Posted by Deneb on June 30, 2008, at 22:56:34
In reply to Re: I don't know what to do! » Deneb, posted by Phillipa on June 30, 2008, at 21:08:34
I feel a little better now.
I just need to talk myself into facing work.
I'm going to take some propranolol to help with the anxiety.
I can do this job.
Posted by Dinah on July 1, 2008, at 8:10:45
In reply to Re: I feel kind of better now, posted by Deneb on June 30, 2008, at 22:56:34
When do you see your pdoc next? I really think you ought to talk to her about it. I remember you had some of these same thoughts while you were in school. Maybe she can help you with them.
Posted by Deneb on July 1, 2008, at 16:42:28
In reply to Re: I feel kind of better now » Deneb, posted by Dinah on July 1, 2008, at 8:10:45
Thanks Dinah,
I see my pdoc next Tues. Today is Canada Day. I have work tomorrow and Thurs. Wish me luck.
I have to face work.
I think I'm better now. I don't know what happened these couple of days. Sometimes I feel backed into a corner with no where to go.
I need better problem solving skills.
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.