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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on June 7, 2008, at 22:57:37
My Dear loving Dad got another blow this week. His one kidney has shut down and shriveled up. He has only 30 percent function of his other kidney. I spend my nights crying myself to sleep...I can't even stop crying writing this.
He is my best friend, for God's sake. I remember when I was about seven, and he was about my age now, 38, and we always had so much fun. He was and continues to be the best Dad in the world, at least to me. What am I going to do without him? I have to go lay down...I am sorry...Jay
Posted by Phillipa on June 7, 2008, at 23:25:31
In reply to Hurt's more than hurt...rescue me plz...., posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on June 7, 2008, at 22:57:37
Oh Jay I'm so sorry. Can they do dialysis? Or a transplant? Love Phillipa
Posted by obsidian on June 8, 2008, at 13:45:08
In reply to Hurt's more than hurt...rescue me plz...., posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on June 7, 2008, at 22:57:37
I'm so sorry Jay. It has to be incredibly difficult for both you and your dad right now.
Take good care of yourself right now.
be well,
sid
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on June 8, 2008, at 16:47:17
In reply to Re: Hurt's more than hurt...rescue me plz.... » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by Phillipa on June 7, 2008, at 23:25:31
Hi Phillipa:
Well, I GUESS they could do a transplant, but my Dad would never go for it. He would say "do it for somebody younger.."..he is such a humble and giving person. Dialysis, yes, that will most likely be the next step. He is scared sh*tl*ss of dialysis, and will absolutely NOT tolerate him living the last part of his life in real pain. I'm talking here about the "final stages", not right now. The sad part is, we are moving to a new house, which I will half-own, and have my own basement apartment, and I know I am going there to watch the three most important things in my life die and disappear: My Mom, My Dad, and our sweet little dog. I've got no friends or anyone to really talk to, or go through this with me, and that damn well sucks too. I 'chat' with a couple of women from a dating website, but they seem to be going nowhere, and have no patience for a guy with depression and anxiety.(Even controlled, it could still be a hell of a lot better.)
So, if I may wind up my cathartic outpouring, thanks kindly for your sweet support.
Best, Jay
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on June 8, 2008, at 16:59:51
In reply to Re: Hurt's more than hurt...rescue me plz.... » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by obsidian on June 8, 2008, at 13:45:08
> I'm so sorry Jay. It has to be incredibly difficult for both you and your dad right now.
> Take good care of yourself right now.
> be well,
> sid
Thanks VERY kindly Sid. It really means a lot...believe me! You know...just some moments of reflection here: my Dad held me as a little pre-me baby, 3pnds 4ounces (Considering I am 5 11 and 260 pnds now..lol..), and I held him in my arms when he was crying on my shoulder in a deep, deep depression. Well, thank you again...and please take care of yourself too...
Jay
Posted by muffled on June 8, 2008, at 17:55:27
In reply to Re: Hurt's more than hurt...rescue me plz.... » obsidian, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on June 8, 2008, at 16:59:51
Posted by Tabitha on June 8, 2008, at 19:57:26
In reply to Re: Hurt's more than hurt...rescue me plz.... » Phillipa, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on June 8, 2008, at 16:47:17
It is sad to realize we'll most likely see our parents age and die, isn't it? I guess all you can do is love them as much as you can while you can. Your dad is lucky to have such a loving son.
Posted by Phillipa on June 8, 2008, at 21:04:42
In reply to Re: Hurt's more than hurt...rescue me plz.... » Phillipa, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on June 8, 2008, at 16:47:17
Jay always here for you. Goggle dialysis for more info isn't that horrible these days. No pleasant but tolerable good and bad days. Hang in my buddy. Love Phillipa
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on June 9, 2008, at 12:41:54
In reply to I'm so sorry ((Jay)) safe hugs if you want them (nm) » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by muffled on June 8, 2008, at 17:55:27
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on June 9, 2008, at 12:54:13
In reply to Re: Hurt's more than hurt...rescue me plz.... » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by Tabitha on June 8, 2008, at 19:57:26
> It is sad to realize we'll most likely see our parents age and die, isn't it? I guess all you can do is love them as much as you can while you can. Your dad is lucky to have such a loving son.
>
>Oh Tabitha...you are so sweet, thank you very, very much. I mean it. Geesshhh...you know, if I'd had known at 7 or 17 years old how close this moment was. The effect of this on me has been dramatic. I am not going to preach or try to force anything on anybody, but I've even turned to the deeper part of spirituality to find answers. I know I likely WON'T find many of them.
(If ANY!) I know children are naturally supposed to burry their parents. When your parent is your best friend, comadre, that changes the rules also, though. So, thanks soooo much again. What you say means a TON. Please take good care....Jay
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on June 9, 2008, at 12:56:26
In reply to Re: Hurt's more than hurt...rescue me plz.... » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by Phillipa on June 8, 2008, at 21:04:42
> Jay always here for you. Goggle dialysis for more info isn't that horrible these days. No pleasant but tolerable good and bad days. Hang in my buddy. Love Phillipa
>
>Thank you sweety. I will look up dialysis..knowledge can sometimes ease the fear. I am HOLDING on hun....holding on for all of us...
Best...
Jay
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on June 9, 2008, at 13:12:07
In reply to Re: Hurt's more than hurt...rescue me plz...., posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on June 9, 2008, at 12:56:26
Posted by Dinah on June 9, 2008, at 20:19:41
In reply to Re: Hurt's more than hurt...rescue me plz.... » Tabitha, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on June 9, 2008, at 12:54:13
Jay, I was enormously close to my father. He was no saint (and neither was I of course), and he drove me nuts at times, but we were enormously close. I knew he loved me more than anything in his world. We were so much more than just family, because his influence stretched into most parts of my life.
When Daddy started getting sick, my therapist told me that this sort of loss was really a series of losses. And he was absolutely right. Each of those losses hurt. Dialysis isn't uncommon these days, and it doesn't mean he'll die any time soon. But it is a loss, and a reminder of his mortality and the fact that you won't have him forever.
And yet now I've lost my father, what I think of as I look back is that old saying about courage. "A coward dies a thousand deaths, a hero only one." Yes, there are many losses along the way, but if you lose yourself in them you lose the time you have left with your father.
While he's here, enjoy him. He's alive today. You have today. Enjoy today. If he likes fishing, take him fishing. Laugh at your favorite TV shows together. Talk about politics. Do whatever it is that you do together. If he needs to grieve his own losses, grieve with him of course. But... Sooner or later you will lose him. Try not to lose any time with him while you have him anticipating that loss.
I know that's easier said than done.
Posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on June 10, 2008, at 21:21:34
In reply to Re: Hurt's more than hurt...rescue me plz.... » Jay_Bravest_Face, posted by Dinah on June 9, 2008, at 20:19:41
> Jay, I was enormously close to my father. He was no saint (and neither was I of course), and he drove me nuts at times, but we were enormously close. I knew he loved me more than anything in his world. We were so much more than just family, because his influence stretched into most parts of my life.
>
> When Daddy started getting sick, my therapist told me that this sort of loss was really a series of losses. And he was absolutely right. Each of those losses hurt. Dialysis isn't uncommon these days, and it doesn't mean he'll die any time soon. But it is a loss, and a reminder of his mortality and the fact that you won't have him forever.
>
> And yet now I've lost my father, what I think of as I look back is that old saying about courage. "A coward dies a thousand deaths, a hero only one." Yes, there are many losses along the way, but if you lose yourself in them you lose the time you have left with your father.
>
> While he's here, enjoy him. He's alive today. You have today. Enjoy today. If he likes fishing, take him fishing. Laugh at your favorite TV shows together. Talk about politics. Do whatever it is that you do together. If he needs to grieve his own losses, grieve with him of course. But... Sooner or later you will lose him. Try not to lose any time with him while you have him anticipating that loss.
>
> I know that's easier said than done.
>
>Hi Dinah:
No, you hit it straight on the mark! The precious little time we do have should be used, every tiny moment, as much as possible. I find it a bit hard being on these meds that kinda 'squash' the deeper feelings, so I've really been a bit daring, and cut back on the 'numbing' ones. Now, I do often cry more, especially at night and before I go to sleep, but it somehow feels 'right'. It is so odd. It's like some primate howling at the moon over the loss of a pack or family member. It comes from very deep inside. I don't really wish to push this on anybody else, but let me just say I've also found some new comfort and a whole new world, really, in religion. I can't explain it...none of this.
But, again you are *so* right: Holding on to this moment, making IT the best. Isn't that really a good way to live, too? "Love is the enemy of misery"..such a great quote, from Bono. I know I am doing some good, in particular when I take my Dad out shopping, and there is tons of traffic, people are just speeding and being rude, and as long as my Dad is there by my side, I just sit there with that smile on my face, not really caring how long it takes to make a left turn to get to the mall. Isn't that "grace" in action? (Not saying I am wonderful for being like this...but happy I've been given this set of patience and temperament.)
Thanks very kindly for your very touching thoughts. I am positive your Dad hasn't left your side. Take care....
Jay
Posted by Dinah on June 10, 2008, at 21:55:41
In reply to Re: Dinah Thanks...Nicest words..... » Dinah, posted by Jay_Bravest_Face on June 10, 2008, at 21:21:34
Grace is my very favorite spiritual concept. I'm glad you're finding comfort in spirituality.
Your dad is blessed to have a son who appreciates him as much as you do.
This is the end of the thread.
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