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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Deneb on December 13, 2005, at 22:58:48
I'm pretty OK now, but I'm starting to think if people here will miss me if I died. Am I an amusing and fun person? What if one day I was happy and funny and then the next day I were dead?
How would people react to my death? It would be unexpected because I was sooo looking forward to the Toronto thing.
:-( Me and my morbid thoughts again. I'm still happy, only a bit hopeless about the future.
I can't be light-hearted all the time.
Deneb
Posted by Larry Hoover on December 13, 2005, at 23:06:11
In reply to Would you miss me if I died? *trigger*, posted by Deneb on December 13, 2005, at 22:58:48
And this is after you stopped the Risperdal. Make notes, Jen. The chronology matters. When you look back, it makes sense, even if it doesn't right now.
Of course I would miss you. The ceremony has not yet taken place.
Lar
Posted by alexandra_k2 on December 13, 2005, at 23:11:23
In reply to Would you miss me if I died? *trigger*, posted by Deneb on December 13, 2005, at 22:58:48
> I'm pretty OK now, but I'm starting to think if people here will miss me if I died.
hmm. have you stopped taking your med? because you haven't been thinking about that kind of stuff for a while now methinks... at least... i haven't noticed you posting about it for a while now.
i think about these things a bit...
but not a lot i guess.but yeah. OF COURSE i would miss you.
> I can't be light-hearted all the time.
I don't think anybody expects you to be.
I know for a fact I'm not always a ball of joy...
Posted by Deneb on December 13, 2005, at 23:11:33
In reply to Would you miss me if I died? *trigger*, posted by Deneb on December 13, 2005, at 22:58:48
I shouldn't have written it. Of course people would miss me if I died. I don't know why I wrote it.
Deneb
Posted by sleepygirl on December 13, 2005, at 23:12:59
In reply to Would you miss me if I died? *trigger*, posted by Deneb on December 13, 2005, at 22:58:48
well of course we would!!
are you really asking if you matter?
well of course you do!!
why the morbid stuff? hopeless?? why?
Posted by Deneb on December 13, 2005, at 23:19:56
In reply to Sorry about post, posted by Deneb on December 13, 2005, at 23:11:33
Once I start thinking bad things, it fuels more bad thoughts.
Posted by Deneb on December 13, 2005, at 23:38:11
In reply to Damn this positive feedback loop, posted by Deneb on December 13, 2005, at 23:19:56
I can't stand it. I shouldn't see the light of day. Here I am writing bad things again. I can't stand it!
I have a really bad automatic thought, "I want to die, i need to die."
I don't think I really mean it.
I don't really want to die, but I think I need to die or something.
Oh dear.
It's all good. I'm still happy, I think.
Deneb
Posted by alexandra_k2 on December 13, 2005, at 23:40:43
In reply to Sorry about post, posted by Deneb on December 13, 2005, at 23:11:33
> I don't know why I wrote it.
maybe because you were thinking about it?
sometimes... medication can have an affect on which thoughts are more likely to pop into our heads in the first place.
like how... when you are hungry you find thoughts about food tend to pop into your head
like how... when your body wants nicotene you find thoguhts about cigarettes tend to pop into your head
sometimes... medication can have an effect on our thinking like that.but then once they have occured to us i guess we have a bit of a choice whether to follow them or divert our attention
(though sometimes thats harder than others)
but really...
i hope you know that we don't require you to be happy and bubbly all the time. if you are feeling a bit flat or low or wahtever then thats okay. i mean, we'd prefer you to be happy but thats because most people would prefer to be happy. but lifes not like that all the time...maybe you just need a little tlc?
:-)
(((((deneb))))))
i've missed you not posting as much.
i guess i've been a bit diverted too...
but i noticed you weren't posting as much...
and wondered how you are doing.soemtimes the future can be pretty scarey...
i think i'm a little freaked about mine right now.if anyone had told me there was hope a few years back i really couldn't have seen it.
but there is.
there are a lot of years left yet...
and you will do fine :-)
Posted by alexandra_k2 on December 13, 2005, at 23:45:40
In reply to I'm too embarrassed to be me *trigger*, posted by Deneb on December 13, 2005, at 23:38:11
> I have a really bad automatic thought, "I want to die, i need to die."
it's not a 'bad' thought...
i get those kinds of thoughts occuring to me too.
'stupid useless sack of sh*t' is one that recurrs
and
'everyone would so much prefer you to be dead'
and
'why don't you just die'
and
'die bitch'
and anyway... best not go there.
sometimes i feel really distressed by them.
yeah they are *my* thoughts
because they occur in *my* head
but that doesn't mean I *have* to believe them
that doesn't mean that I do believe them
it just means that those thoughts occur to me sometimes.in those times...
it can be hard...
but sometimes what we really need is some kindness and care.
i think that when i'm a bit fragile then those thoguhts tend to occur to me...
and when i'm a bit fragile then those thoguhts are more likely to upset me...
and i'm more likely to believe what they are saying...when i'm in a better place they don't affect me so much
and they probably don't occur to me as much in the first place.> I don't think I really mean it.
sure.
it is just that they occur to you at times.thoughts are different to beliefs.
okay?
Posted by ghost on December 14, 2005, at 0:43:02
In reply to Would you miss me if I died? *trigger*, posted by Deneb on December 13, 2005, at 22:58:48
Posted by rod on December 14, 2005, at 7:43:34
In reply to Re: *trigger* » Deneb, posted by Larry Hoover on December 13, 2005, at 23:06:11
> And this is after you stopped the Risperdal. Make notes, Jen. The chronology matters. When you look back, it makes sense, even if it doesn't right now.
>
> Of course I would miss you. The ceremony has not yet taken place.
>
> LarLarry is absolutly right. I think it would be a good idea to take Risperdal again.
And I would miss you too!
bye
R
Posted by Tabitha on December 14, 2005, at 10:06:05
In reply to Damn this positive feedback loop, posted by Deneb on December 13, 2005, at 23:19:56
Dear Deneb, I know the bad thoughts seem real, but they're not. They're just little signals that your chemistry is a bit off. Like wake-up calls telling you to go have a med check. When you recognize them as such, they can't hurt you.
Posted by Damos on December 14, 2005, at 16:04:48
In reply to Would you miss me if I died? *trigger*, posted by Deneb on December 13, 2005, at 22:58:48
Hi Deneb,
Yeah, I'd miss you. We might not have babbled that much, but that doesn't mean that I don't notice when you're not around for a while and worry and wonder why. It also doesn't mean that I haven't followed your trials and tribulations and wild roller-coaster rides, or LOL with you at times too.
Imagine if your picture of the Babble-tree was actually a 10,000 piece jigsaw where each of us was a piece. If your piece wasn't there the picture wouldn't be complete. There'd always be a "you-shaped" space that no-one else could fill.
Posted by Deneb on December 14, 2005, at 17:56:03
In reply to Yep » Deneb, posted by Damos on December 14, 2005, at 16:04:48
If someone I knew disappeared from here, I would miss them.
Deneb
Posted by spriggy on December 14, 2005, at 20:01:51
In reply to I would miss you too, posted by Deneb on December 14, 2005, at 17:56:03
I don't think this is necessarily a weird question.
I have often thought of my own death- meaning, how people would respond, what would be said of me at my funeral, etc..
I think we all desire to know we've left some kind of impact on this earth and that even if it's just a tiny group of people that we have touched somehow, we will feel like we made some difference.
I think about this a lot.
I ask my dh often " would you cry if I died."
He just asks me to stop making him show me and rehearse it.. LOL
Posted by Phillipa on December 14, 2005, at 22:06:41
In reply to yes I would miss you and..., posted by spriggy on December 14, 2005, at 20:01:51
Deneb I too agree with Lar. If you stopped the resperdol you need to check it out first with your pdoc. Fondly, Phillipa
Posted by lynn971 on December 15, 2005, at 21:49:32
In reply to yes I would miss you and..., posted by spriggy on December 14, 2005, at 20:01:51
Deneb, I have always thought that you are a wonderful person. I would definately miss you.
Luv ya,
Lynn
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