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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 17 of 17. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jay on February 2, 2005, at 21:01:30
I need your guys input...yes again. Well, lucky me, I've met a nice gal (touch wood) off a dating site who opened up to me she has some problems with depression and anxiety. She is currently on meds. So, we traded 'war' stories...I told her of my meds/condition, her of her own, and she is having it really bad right now.
Now, if I had been going out with somebody say for a few years, and the depression was really affecting us, I might get worried. But, right now it's only been a short span of dates, and she listens to me just as much as I do her. So, it's not all one sided.
Do you think it's best I take a "wait and see" approach, because I DO know what it is like to be abandoned just because you have a mental illness? She has an amazing personality and intelligence, a grad student, very pretty and sweet. She is down-to-earth, doesn't take compliments well (humble..), and she was the one who initiated contact with me!
But, I am really scared, to be honest, because I know what this illness can do to you. So, I guess I'll see if we develop a nice relationship, and if that helps lift her spirits a bit. It has for me in the past...it was almost a saving "miracle" at one time. I am not going to try and play "Superhero" and think I can fix everything, overnight. But, maybe I can be that little thing that helps her rise closer to the surface again.
Anyhow, I;d really appreciate feedback from you guys...you are all very smart and come from all walks of life, and I need to gain a bit more perspective on this. Thanks!
Sincerely,
Jay
Posted by KaraS on February 3, 2005, at 2:25:34
In reply to Two depressed romantic partners..., posted by jay on February 2, 2005, at 21:01:30
> I need your guys input...yes again. Well, lucky me, I've met a nice gal (touch wood) off a dating site who opened up to me she has some problems with depression and anxiety. She is currently on meds. So, we traded 'war' stories...I told her of my meds/condition, her of her own, and she is having it really bad right now.
>
> Now, if I had been going out with somebody say for a few years, and the depression was really affecting us, I might get worried. But, right now it's only been a short span of dates, and she listens to me just as much as I do her. So, it's not all one sided.
>
> Do you think it's best I take a "wait and see" approach, because I DO know what it is like to be abandoned just because you have a mental illness? She has an amazing personality and intelligence, a grad student, very pretty and sweet. She is down-to-earth, doesn't take compliments well (humble..), and she was the one who initiated contact with me!
>
> But, I am really scared, to be honest, because I know what this illness can do to you. So, I guess I'll see if we develop a nice relationship, and if that helps lift her spirits a bit. It has for me in the past...it was almost a saving "miracle" at one time. I am not going to try and play "Superhero" and think I can fix everything, overnight. But, maybe I can be that little thing that helps her rise closer to the surface again.
>
> Anyhow, I;d really appreciate feedback from you guys...you are all very smart and come from all walks of life, and I need to gain a bit more perspective on this. Thanks!
>
> Sincerely,
> Jay
It sounds good to me. I think you have the right attitude about it. I personally wouldn't want to be involved with anyone who hadn't dealt with depression. How could they ever really understand me or relate to me... or I to them?
At first glance you two seem to have a lot going for you so why not tak it slowly and see where it goes?Good luck.
Kara
Posted by sunny10 on February 3, 2005, at 11:57:56
In reply to Re: Two depressed romantic partners... » jay, posted by KaraS on February 3, 2005, at 2:25:34
Jay,
My significant other and I work on our own issues seperately, but supportive, of each other. It is the perfect answer to ANY relationship, whether clinical depression is an issue or not.
You can never be Superhero to anyone. Subsequently, it is not your "fault" either if she backslides. We all have to fight our own battles within- no one can do it for us.
I say, as long as you can agree to these terms (a point blank conversation with specifics, not generalizations), you will be good for each other.
Good luck (see, you thought this stuff wuoldn't work!),
Sunny10
Posted by alexandra_k on February 3, 2005, at 15:57:09
In reply to Two depressed romantic partners..., posted by jay on February 2, 2005, at 21:01:30
Maybe take things a bit slow and see how they go? You could end up with a good friend even if nothing else.
It sounds like you seem to quite like her but are worried about the effect it may have on your own health if she is very depressed a lot of the time.
I guess it may be hard to know that without getting to know her over time.
I don't know. Im no good at relationships :-(
Posted by jlynne on February 4, 2005, at 14:53:35
In reply to Two depressed romantic partners..., posted by jay on February 2, 2005, at 21:01:30
Jay, my husband and I met here in babble last fall. We have both been dealing with depression most of our lives, and at first we asked the same questions about whether or not it was a good idea to consider a relationship together.
It has turned out that because we understand depression from our own personal experiences, we are able to work through situations together without judgment and without taking each other's emotional triggers personally. Also, at the times when we are both beginning to spiral downward, there seems to have evolved a natural tendency for us to subconsciously determine which one of us has the more pressing need, and we almost automatically shift gears and tend to the other's needs for that time. There seems to be a unique healing process taking place during those times, as the one giving the support is able to rise out of their own darkness through caring for the other.
The important thing, in my opinion, is to create a safe environment for each other in which you can both participate in the giving and the receiving.
Good luck to you both . . . Ron and I are living proof that this can work.
. . . jlynne
Posted by Dr. Bob on February 4, 2005, at 22:34:16
In reply to Re: Two depressed romantic partners... » jay, posted by jlynne on February 4, 2005, at 14:53:35
> my husband and I met here in babble last fall.
You took the plunge, congratulations! I think you're our first Babble couple. It's kind of a milestone for us. May I ask what the date was? :-)
Bob
Posted by jlynne on February 5, 2005, at 1:04:58
In reply to Re: Two married babblers, posted by Dr. Bob on February 4, 2005, at 22:34:16
Thank you, Bob . . . we were married last Friday, 1/28.
Posted by gardenergirl on February 5, 2005, at 7:44:27
In reply to Re: Two married babblers » Dr. Bob, posted by jlynne on February 5, 2005, at 1:04:58
Posted by Jai Narayan on February 5, 2005, at 10:14:20
In reply to Re: Two married babblers » Dr. Bob, posted by jlynne on February 5, 2005, at 1:04:58
wow, how lovely.
I am so glad your lives came together.
I rejoyce your union.
our very own babble romance & marriage.
jlynne did you move to the west coast?
I think I remember it was the west coast...
memory is not one of my talents.
I am happy for you both.
Jai
Posted by Susan47 on February 5, 2005, at 10:21:49
In reply to Re: Two married babblers, posted by Jai Narayan on February 5, 2005, at 10:14:20
How wonderful. Congratulations! Babble is REAL!
Posted by Dinah on February 5, 2005, at 12:03:29
In reply to Re: Two depressed romantic partners... » jay, posted by jlynne on February 4, 2005, at 14:53:35
Jlynne, I'm so happy for you and Ron. Not only did you find each other but it sounds as if you have the right attitude to make your marriage one of those very special ones. :)
Posted by ron1953 on February 5, 2005, at 12:32:01
In reply to Re: Two married babblers, posted by Jai Narayan on February 5, 2005, at 10:14:20
Jai:
Judi lives on the West coast; I live in the Philly area. I'm moving to beautiful Oregon, hopefully by April. I can't describe how happy we are. Thank you for your kind words and thoughts.
Ron
Posted by Tabitha on February 5, 2005, at 14:16:54
In reply to Re: Two married babblers » Jai Narayan, posted by ron1953 on February 5, 2005, at 12:32:01
Posted by Jai Narayan on February 5, 2005, at 16:51:47
In reply to Re: Two married babblers » Jai Narayan, posted by ron1953 on February 5, 2005, at 12:32:01
I lived in Portland, Or. for 8 years.
loved it.
I know you will be happy.
thanks Ron for responding.
Jai
Posted by Gabbix2 on February 7, 2005, at 19:32:23
In reply to Re: Congratulations, Ron and Judi! (nm), posted by Tabitha on February 5, 2005, at 14:16:54
Posted by just plain jane on February 7, 2005, at 20:00:19
In reply to Re: Two depressed romantic partners... » jay, posted by jlynne on February 4, 2005, at 14:53:35
> Jay, my husband and I met here in babble last fall.
...
> The important thing, in my opinion, is to create a safe environment for each other in which you can both participate in the giving and the receiving.
>
> Good luck to you both . . . Ron and I are living proof that this can work.
>
> . . . jlynneI thought someone warned you about those chat rooms.
(silently smiling)
'grats
just plain happy fer ya jane
Posted by B2chica on February 9, 2005, at 14:13:09
In reply to Re: Two married babblers, posted by Dr. Bob on February 4, 2005, at 22:34:16
that is incredible. just to find love is of it's own unique ride, but to find someone that can truly understand your pain and support you/eachother. that is fantastic.
i wish ALL the best for your new wonderful life together.
B2c.
This is the end of the thread.
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