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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by jay on January 4, 2005, at 18:42:18
Okay......I've tried online dating website/services. All's I can say is HMMMPPPPHHH! I really hope that people who do frequent these places have don't all have the depth of a greeting card. I give gals a couple pics of me...and really...I am not a bad looking guy...not *horrible*...not *drop dead gorgeous*. I arm my emails with poetry, philosophy, creative musings, and it just seems like the gals just *don't get it*. Besides my spill with depression and anxiety (which I don't mention at first anyways...), I've got a very plentifully life for and ahead of me. I've got everything to offer! Yet the gals go goo-goo because some guy has six-pack ab's, washboard stomach. I am made of the dust of the stars, and the ocean's flow in my veins. None of these pancake boys could *ever* touch that! I believe in love and passion, the *real* kind, made of dreams, winter gardenlands, the furthest of moons, Autumn woods and Spring skies. So, should I just say....F**K them??..or what? (It reminds me of that Ben Folds song, "Song for the Dumped" and it's lines "Give me my money back, you B*tch...Well f*&k you too!". Yay. So, take your turns on this, please. Merci :-)
Jay
Posted by Gabbix2 on January 4, 2005, at 22:32:38
In reply to Online dating for dummies....., posted by jay on January 4, 2005, at 18:42:18
Okay, In all honesty that sounded contradictory to me. Do you know that these women go goo goo over a guy with a washboard stomach or is that an assumption on your part? It seemed odd that you would talk about being made of dreams and stardust and then when someone isn't responding the way you like turn around and say "These women don't get it" and that you feel like saying "Give me my money back b*tch"
I've had men react to me that way in the past and it made me very angry, or it made me laugh depending on my mood. Poetry is lovely but honestly I've had men basically yell at me, "What do you mean don't like me I"m the most sensitive man at the salad bar, B*TCH!"
There are many reasons why someone might not feel there is any chemistry, and I know many wonderful women who have tried on-line dating and not one of them has gone ga-ga over beefcake type guys, me included.
It can take a long long time to meet someone you click with on-line, I wouldn't give up yet,
or get angry about it, do you need to be more open about what type of women you will find dateable?
Posted by nikkit2 on January 5, 2005, at 7:07:20
In reply to Online dating for dummies....., posted by jay on January 4, 2005, at 18:42:18
Different people go for different things.. And to tar all women with the same brush is a little unfair.. How would you feel if I said "All the men go to big breasts and blonde hair"..
And just because a woman doesn't "get" you, doesn't mean she is less of a person.
If someone I was just starting to get to know, over email, started emailing mepoetry, I would grab my coat and get out of there.. I'd find it a bit full on.. but then, I'm a prose person and really don't like the vast majority of poetry (personal preference which is allowed)..The female friends I have that use online dating are all intelligent (very much so in many cases), funny, good looking and interesting.. and definately not interested in a six pack. maybe you need to go for older women?? A 22 year old will be looking for something very different to a 32 year old as a rule.
Nikki
Posted by jay on January 5, 2005, at 8:18:07
In reply to Re: Online dating for dummies....., posted by Gabbix2 on January 4, 2005, at 22:32:38
Gabbix...you make good points...thanx...that is just what I wanted...I can take the honesty. Just to point off first, yes I know they go goo-goo over beefcake guys because each 'profile' has a section that you can post pics of other members you 'like'. And a large majority are these 'hunky', 35 pretending to be 20 year old guys.
Yes, my cursing was overboard. And, this is limited to my experiences...maybe I just chose the wrong women for my personality type. I guess what it comes down to, is, some woman like a washboard stomach on a guy, and I like a woman who can recite her Nietzsche and Hemingway to me. Honestly, I've never yelled at a woman or anything like that because they didn't like me, only at times when I was being strung along. (i.e. used for money and such.) The descriptive words that I wrote in this post where not ones I used in emails online. The first thing they want, though, is not another letter from me, but MORE pictures of me (I already have a well detailed one up). They say "..you don't look so good in that picture.."..like that makes me feel great!! So...that's my story...and |I'm stickin' to it.
Posted by jay on January 5, 2005, at 8:30:32
In reply to Re: Online dating for dummies..... » jay, posted by nikkit2 on January 5, 2005, at 7:07:20
Nikki....when I said 'six pack'...I was referring to the 'six pack ab's'...as in a 'washboard stomach'....perfect, model stuff. No, it's not all woman, but many woman ( like many guys) are into these superficial things. No, I haven't written any poetry, just expressed interest in it. It was part of my major in University. I'd like to still have some faith in humanity that words have more depth than some cheap photograph. Gawwwdd (or whoever!!) help us all if it is not the case.
As far as age goes...I am 35...and have been talking to women between 32 and 40. So it's not an age thing. Maybe I have just been talking to too many immature women. Oh well. Cut to the next chase, and we shall see!
Thanks,
Jay
Posted by NikkiT2 on January 5, 2005, at 12:41:51
In reply to Re: Online dating for dummies..... » nikkit2, posted by jay on January 5, 2005, at 8:30:32
Physical age rarely equates to mental age ;)
Tis a shame you're not in the UK.. I have some wonderful female friends who want an honest, caring, intelligent man and care nothing for a 6 pack (and I knew what you meant *l*) And you're just the right age too *giggles*
Nikki x
Posted by alexandra_k on January 5, 2005, at 16:11:00
In reply to Online dating for dummies....., posted by jay on January 4, 2005, at 18:42:18
I am not so much into the 6 pack thing. To me it signifies
1) a genuine interest in sports / physical activity and / or
2) lots of time spent in the gym.And I suppose that only gets truer as people get older. That is not my scene, not my scene at all.
Don't be offended by people asking for more pictures or dissing the one you put up. Just say to them 'well, appearance isn't the most important thing to me actually I am more interested in what you are like as a person and if you don't feel the same then we might not be so suitable'. Then it is up to them.
But yeah, there are lots of people in the world and people have different priorities and different things they are looking for.
I have a fairly recent respect for the online dating thing after one of my friends met someone and they are just about perfect for each other! He is not terribly good looking, and she is pleasant to average but he has a promising career in academia and she will not let him get caught up in the circles in his head that he is prone to.
They found each other after having both made the decision that online dating didn't work and they went to announce their leaving. Then they got to talking about what was wrong with online dating and decided to meet for coffee to discuss it. Similar points to what you noted.
Hang in there.
Posted by jay on January 5, 2005, at 17:04:50
In reply to Re: Online dating for dummies..... » jay, posted by NikkiT2 on January 5, 2005, at 12:41:51
> Physical age rarely equates to mental age ;)
>
> Tis a shame you're not in the UK.. I have some wonderful female friends who want an honest, caring, intelligent man and care nothing for a 6 pack (and I knew what you meant *l*) And you're just the right age too *giggles*
>
> Nikki xOhhhh...you are too sweet dear :) Well, maybe I should be moving to the U.K., eh? (Honestly...I really wouldn't have much of a problem with that for the right gal ;) Your post made my day...I was feeling pretty down...and I thank you so much! Let me know if I can make it up to you ;0)
Best,
Jay
Posted by jay on January 5, 2005, at 17:19:11
In reply to Re: Online dating for dummies....., posted by alexandra_k on January 5, 2005, at 16:11:00
> I am not so much into the 6 pack thing. To me it signifies
>
> 1) a genuine interest in sports / physical activity and / or
> 2) lots of time spent in the gym.
>
> And I suppose that only gets truer as people >get older. That is not my scene, not my scene >at all.
>
Ya, me neither. I find all of these medications don't help too, as they mess up our metabolism somehow.
> Don't be offended by people asking for more pictures or dissing the one you put up. Just say to them 'well, appearance isn't the most important thing to me actually I am more interested in what you are like as a person and if you don't feel the same then we might not be so suitable'. Then it is up to them.
>
> But yeah, there are lots of people in the world and people have different priorities and different things they are looking for.
>
> I have a fairly recent respect for the online dating thing after one of my friends met someone and they are just about perfect for each other! He is not terribly good looking, and she is pleasant to average but he has a promising career in academia and she will not let him get caught up in the circles in his head that he is prone to.
>
> They found each other after having both made the decision that online dating didn't work and they went to announce their leaving. Then they got to talking about what was wrong with online dating and decided to meet for coffee to discuss it. Similar points to what you noted.
>
> Hang in there.That is a really great story...thanks... The encouragement is very sweet and great too :) I guess it's all up to circumstances and a bit of lady luck. I've gone out with gals that other friends have suggested where not so 'attractive'....and even vice-versa at times...but that attraction it far more deeper than skin deep. I really demand a lot from a mental-type of level from someone, because that's where I find the most attraction. Like you said...to each their own!
Anyhow...thanks so much...:)
Best,
Jay
Posted by 64bowtie on January 6, 2005, at 16:44:50
In reply to Re: Online dating for dummies..... » Gabbix2, posted by jay on January 5, 2005, at 8:18:07
...have confessed to the group that in the past, they had "waxed-predatory"... I suggest that gals aren't that dumb as to be tittilated by gorgeosity! Gals report being tired of the abuse from gorgeous and ugly guys both... They just want the abuse to stop!
When I got "my helmet back on straight" so I wasn't blinded by the chinstrap hanging in my face, I had some nice times with online dating experiences. I had gone through 18 months of self imposed celabacy, including no dinners and movies "safe" dating before going back to the dating scene after the end of my second sad/bad marriage. So the nice experiences are precious memories.
Along the way I've also had a few that started out good and went bad. If they just wouldn't let the "ogre" ex-boyfriend/ex-hubby come back and "SLEEP ON THE COUCH!"! Sure!!!! (Those always start out good and turn out bad...)
Abuse is not conflict resolution! It's abuse!
Rod
Posted by jay on January 6, 2005, at 17:53:41
In reply to Some Goo-Goo guys as clients...., posted by 64bowtie on January 6, 2005, at 16:44:50
This is really a big part of my mental health problems, because they started when I had my first "breakdown" when a woman used me...and used me...and USED me! Women are always pictured as the 'desperate souls' at the end of a break-up, or one-night-stand, or whatever, but I (a MALE) made my trip to Hell because of such. Is it true, that women are the last ones to jump into a relationship, and the first ones out. (Unless you look like Brad Pitt!) Ok, sorry....a generalization.
Posted by alexandra_k on January 6, 2005, at 18:03:14
In reply to Re: Some Goo-Goo guys as clients.... » 64bowtie, posted by jay on January 6, 2005, at 17:53:41
People are people. I don't think there is a general rule on any of that stuff with respect to gender.
Some guys can be so 'afraid of committment' and some girls can be aloof and must be persued and romanced for quite a while. Some guys cheat and then some girls do too. Some guys will use you and break your heart, and well you don't need to be told that girls are capable of that too.
People are people
Posted by justyourlaugh on January 7, 2005, at 11:23:08
In reply to Re: Some Goo-Goo guys as clients...., posted by alexandra_k on January 6, 2005, at 18:03:14
little bit of depeche mode?
i hope you are not telling "blasphemous rumours"
j
Posted by alexandra_k on January 7, 2005, at 16:23:43
In reply to Re: Some Goo-Goo guys as clients.... » alexandra_k, posted by justyourlaugh on January 7, 2005, at 11:23:08
Aw, I left it open that 'some' or even 'most' are not like that. But some are, thats a fact.
Posted by justyourlaugh on January 7, 2005, at 23:36:04
In reply to Re: Some Goo-Goo guys as clients.... » justyourlaugh, posted by alexandra_k on January 7, 2005, at 16:23:43
mine were just song titles:)
j
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