![[dr. bob]](/dr-bob-sm.gif)
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 11 of 11. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by SAW on September 1, 2004, at 1:49:54
I divorced my ex husband about 5 years ago after a really traumatic marriage. He is the reason I suffered a major breakdown. I once felt deeply for him, now, I would be only too happy to never, ever see him again.
We built a house together that we still jointly own, though I have not seen or heard from him since my divorce. I rent the house out and have maintained the bond (mortgage) alone.
My new husband and I had the opportunity of living there but I felt too much pain in the walls and he didn't want to live in "another man's" house.
We have the opportunity again that may become a necessity of living there.
Anyone think this might harm us?
Sabrina
Posted by partlycloudy on September 1, 2004, at 4:46:53
In reply to Would you be able to do it?, posted by SAW on September 1, 2004, at 1:49:54
My immediate reaction would be to say "no". Having said that - I just came back from my vacation to England. The last time I was there was when my ex and I were deported 8 years ago. We had lived over there for 6 years. On this trip I revisited many of the places, and also the people I knew. I know seeing a country is different than living in a house with bad memories. I know I would be very anxious about it, but I also think there would be a great deal of comfort in living in such familiar surroundings. How about doing a "walk through" in your mind and see how you feel about each room?
Posted by Jai Narayan on September 1, 2004, at 8:24:59
In reply to Would you be able to do it?, posted by SAW on September 1, 2004, at 1:49:54
there are many ways to rid a house of negative energy.
1. do what pc suggested
2. using a sage bundle with one end burning walk through and dispell the darkness. I usually make 3 small circles with the wand and say, " Break up the darkness"
3. Then I take a braid of sweet grass and light one end and carry that from room to room and say, "Bring in the light".
* safety note:
Always keep the sage and sweetgrass on a plate or dish to protect you and the house from any stray embers that might fall from them. Make sure the sage and sweetgrass is totally extinguished when you are done. I douse them with water and let them sit in the sink for a while. You can reuse them at any time.I do this proceedure after an illness as well. Say I have had the flu or a cold. I do this to break up the lingering staleness of the air.
I like this saging and sweetgrass....
it can make a house smell sweet.
I got this proceedure from a Native American sweat lodge I attended years ago.
The smell of sage and sweetgrass in a sweat lodge is heavely.
Posted by JenStar on September 1, 2004, at 12:34:25
In reply to Would you be able to do it?, posted by SAW on September 1, 2004, at 1:49:54
I think it's possible to do it (live in the old house) as long as you make it YOURS, the new couple.
Here are few suggestions I thought of:
Decorate together -- paint the rooms different colors, arrange the furniture together, buy a new artwork to go over the couch. Buy a nice potted plant and put it in prime view. (It can represent your new relationship growing!)
You could do feng shui to ensure correct placement of items for optimal living & health. Jai's idea is cool too; a sort of aromal & spiritual cleansing combined.
If you're religious, you could ask a priest or minister to come and bless your house (sometimes they'll do it for you!)
Have a nice housewarming party with real true friends and cook new things for the party, things that have never been cooked in the house. Or make a signature drink that you have not made there before.
Hopefully it's been long enough (although 5 years can go by pretty quickly!) so that some of the more painful memories have subsided.
Good luck!
let us know what you decide.JenStar
Posted by AuntieMel on September 1, 2004, at 14:36:30
In reply to Would you be able to do it?, posted by SAW on September 1, 2004, at 1:49:54
I agree with Jen. Make it your own.
I would also add that you could change the plantings outside, put a wreath on the front door, paint trim, etc to make it look like yours when you drive up, too. Otherwise you might just keep driving by;)
Posted by SAW on September 2, 2004, at 1:16:23
In reply to Re: Would you be able to do it? » SAW, posted by AuntieMel on September 1, 2004, at 14:36:30
Thanks for the input, though no decision made yet, I do feel less anxious. And I know that my husband will go out of his way to make it "our" place. Will keep you posted
Sabrina
Posted by saw on November 4, 2004, at 9:07:25
In reply to Would you be able to do it?, posted by SAW on September 1, 2004, at 1:49:54
I'm restarting this thread (feels kinda cool!!)
This is what I posted in August.
I divorced my ex husband about 5 years ago after a really traumatic marriage. He is the reason I suffered a major breakdown. I once felt deeply for him, now, I would be only too happy to never, ever see him again.
We built a house together that we still jointly own, though I have not seen or heard from him since my divorce. I rent the house out and have maintained the bond (mortgage) alone.
My new husband and I had the opportunity of living there but I felt too much pain in the walls and he didn't want to live in "another man's" house.
We have the opportunity again that may become a necessity of living there.
Anyone think this might harm us?
------------------
The time has now come and we will be moving in end Nov or end Dec. I still feel funny about it. Fearful. My husband is showing a bit of excitement though. Currently we live in a really horrible neighbourhood and we are just not happy there so the move is a good one. Just can't shake the feeling of ,,,,,,,,, feeling of,,,,,,,, um, I don't know. There's a feeling and I just can't shake it. I hide away from the trauma and bad memories of my ex and am so fearful they are going to "seek" me instead of being hidden.
Sabrina
Posted by pegasus on November 4, 2004, at 11:34:51
In reply to Re: Would you be able to do it?, posted by saw on November 4, 2004, at 9:07:25
Oh, I hope that it becomes such a good experience for you two that it erases all of the bad vibes from your bad past there. I don't blame you for being nervous. It's hard to go back to the scene of a trauma. But maybe it could end up being healing? Have you been doing any therapy work around this? It sounds like a doozy, and something that would be perfect to work on in therapy.
If I were in your shoes, I'd want to do some type of ceremony in the house before I moved in, to chase away the bad spirits (metaphorically). There are people of all different faiths that will come and bless a house. Are you religious at all? Or would it be possible to make up your own ritual that would help you feel that you'd removed the bad juju before you move in? Like maybe painting the walls a different color, or saying a meaningful poem, or putting something (a picture, a figure) in the house that you think of as your guardian? Just some crazy ideas.
pegasus
Posted by jujube on November 6, 2004, at 14:31:16
In reply to Would you be able to do it?, posted by SAW on September 1, 2004, at 1:49:54
I don't know, but maybe this is an opportunity for you to "exorcize your demons" so to speak. An opportunity to face and confront your fears and anxieties, and the things that have been causing you pain. Confrontation can be painful, but it can also be liberating. You now have a husband that loves you. He will be there to help you through any negative emotions that going into the house may evoke. Doing trial run or a walk through will certainly give you an indication of how you are going to react emotionally to being in the house again. If you decide to do, I hope you walk into the house with your head held high and with a feeling of pride that you have, through your own hard work and perserverance, have been able to keep the house.
I hope things so well for you whatever you decide to do. Good luck.
Tamara
> I divorced my ex husband about 5 years ago after a really traumatic marriage. He is the reason I suffered a major breakdown. I once felt deeply for him, now, I would be only too happy to never, ever see him again.
>
> We built a house together that we still jointly own, though I have not seen or heard from him since my divorce. I rent the house out and have maintained the bond (mortgage) alone.
>
> My new husband and I had the opportunity of living there but I felt too much pain in the walls and he didn't want to live in "another man's" house.
>
> We have the opportunity again that may become a necessity of living there.
>
> Anyone think this might harm us?
>
> Sabrina
Posted by saw on November 8, 2004, at 0:45:28
In reply to Re: Would you be able to do it? » SAW, posted by jujube on November 6, 2004, at 14:31:16
Thank you Pegasus and Tamara.
I am feeling fairly confident that it will be ok. I like what you said about exorcising demons Tamara. It may just be high time I did this. I have tried for so many years and always think I have succeeded when something triggers me again.
I will be "walking" through the house with my husband tomorrow. What meant so much to me was my husband telling me yesterday that if I feel anything, anything at all, no matter how slight, that I must not hide it from him, that he will understand and we will simply find another place to live.
There was a time where he did not feel that he could live there and he has seemed to let go of this feeling. I sense a fair amount of excitement on his behalf and it may just be rubbing off on me.
We moved a week before our wedding in May this year and it was a truly traumatic move that should never have happened and I am already feeling that this move will be ok.
I will let you know after the walk through tomorrow.
Sabrina
Posted by jujube on November 8, 2004, at 7:03:14
In reply to Re: Would you be able to do it?, posted by saw on November 8, 2004, at 0:45:28
Best of luck to you. I hope all goes well.
Tamara
> Thank you Pegasus and Tamara.
>
> I am feeling fairly confident that it will be ok. I like what you said about exorcising demons Tamara. It may just be high time I did this. I have tried for so many years and always think I have succeeded when something triggers me again.
>
> I will be "walking" through the house with my husband tomorrow. What meant so much to me was my husband telling me yesterday that if I feel anything, anything at all, no matter how slight, that I must not hide it from him, that he will understand and we will simply find another place to live.
>
> There was a time where he did not feel that he could live there and he has seemed to let go of this feeling. I sense a fair amount of excitement on his behalf and it may just be rubbing off on me.
>
> We moved a week before our wedding in May this year and it was a truly traumatic move that should never have happened and I am already feeling that this move will be ok.
>
> I will let you know after the walk through tomorrow.
>
> Sabrina
This is the end of the thread.
Psycho-Babble Social | Extras | FAQ
Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.org
Script revised: February 4, 2008
URL: http://www.dr-bob.org/cgi-bin/pb/mget.pl
Copyright 2006-17 Robert Hsiung.
Owned and operated by Dr. Bob LLC and not the University of Chicago.