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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by lonelygirl on March 28, 2004, at 16:47:47
I am at the computer lab, supposed to be working on a group project that’s due tomorrow. I can’t do my part of the work! I am trying but I am just too f***ing stupid and lazy to understand it and do it. These people are counting on me! It is enough that I am f***ing up my own life, but now I am f***ing up other people’s, too. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???
I don’t understand myself any more. Nothing makes sense! I feel like I do not have control over my life. I want to do the work but I can’t. There is no reason that I can’t, but I can’t. I don’t understand it and it makes me feel insane. I don’t know what to do any more. I just can’t deal with things any more. I hate my life and I hate myself. If I were someone else, I would just beat the living shit out of me. I am just so mad. I can’t stand it. My life is just falling apart and I don’t know what to do.
Posted by Slinky on March 28, 2004, at 18:38:31
In reply to I can’t do this, posted by lonelygirl on March 28, 2004, at 16:47:47
Maybe you don't really want to do it anyway.
Responsibility is hard..I avoid all responsibility and panic at the slightest challenge (ones that involves other people)then find myself exhausted for days. What will happen if you don't do it..lose your job?
Anyway I'm probably not helping...chillout to the radio station below...
Nothing matters but you
Posted by Raindancer on March 28, 2004, at 18:43:48
In reply to I can’t do this, posted by lonelygirl on March 28, 2004, at 16:47:47
Hello. It feels like you're really beating yourself up over this. I think it might help if you produce something however scary it is to try. Say to yourself that you'll really concentrate for 30 minutes. I find that if I do this something sometimes triggers - the important thing is to get a start. I would think you'll feel a lot better about yourself if you produce some work - even if it's not your best - rather than look as though you haven't tried. I am the world's worst procrastinator and I know how stressful it is to face a piece of work with time running out - sometimes it actually hurts physically... but you can do this, you really can. We are right there with you. There's nothing wrong with you - you have all you need to get by for now. You can sort the rest out (with help) later. Wishing you well and thinking of you. Now, to work........ ((((((lonelygirl)))))) All the best.Rx
Posted by Karen_kay on March 28, 2004, at 20:25:30
In reply to I can’t do this, posted by lonelygirl on March 28, 2004, at 16:47:47
http://www.dr-bob.org/babble/psycho/20040321/msgs/328753.html
Now listen up girlie! Every time I hear you call yourself another name like "stupid" (and you just can not know how much I cringe when I see that posted!) I'm going to post a link to this and other posts in which you do not call yourself such names, and when you honestly take my breath away with your understanding of very complex subject matters. I only wish I was that smart! I understand that sometimes it's hard not to beat yourself up about things but you NEED to realize just how VERY VERY VERY intelligent you are. See above post for reassurance.
Now, it sounds as if you have a problem with motivation. (I too have the same problem) Are you depressed? Or on meds that could be causing this? Or possibly not on meds, which could help? I wish I had an answer for lack of motivation, but alas I too have the same problem. Only instead of beating myself up about it, I charm people into "seeing things my way" or just working my a$$ off at the very last minute. Usually though, I charm people. Can you get some help by someone in the group? Is that possible? Or, are you easily distracted? Could that be it? I wish I had answers... I really do.. But, your life isn't falling apart with this one (or a few) projects. Talk to your therapist and make sure s/he realizes this is becoming very bothersome to you. See what he can suggest.
As for the project, call some members of the group to help you. I'm sure they'd be happier to help than to show up without having the project completed.
Good luck ((lonelygirl))
Posted by gardenergirl on March 29, 2004, at 0:21:31
In reply to Re: I can’t do this, posted by Karen_kay on March 28, 2004, at 20:25:30
Oh I feel for you. I have had problems at times with school work where I was reduced to tears. Usually it is because I really don't want to do it, and then little problems like computer glitches just destroy me.
You are not stupid! Just stressed! See KK's post and read it over and over if you need to.
Now, take five to ten slow deep breaths, and tell yourself, you can do anything for 15 minutes. You can do it!
gg
Posted by lonelygirl on March 29, 2004, at 6:28:41
In reply to I can’t do this, posted by lonelygirl on March 28, 2004, at 16:47:47
I see myself here and worry... I am so needy. Once I find someone (or more than one) who will listen to me, I just dump all of my problems on them until they get sick of me and hate me. I feel so selfish and greedy. I hate needing people, needing attention, but it is like an uncontrollable addiction that I can't let go of.
I should be keeping these things to myself (about my insanity), but I just have this unremitting need to tell someone, to get someone to listen to me. Why? What difference does it make? I have gone so long without anyone in my life, but I can never completely shake the addiction of desperately wanting someone to care about me. When someone does care (or even pretends to) the least little bit, far from satisfying my needs, it unleashes an increasingly intense craving for more.
Then I have to hold on to anything I have --squeeze out every possible bit of caring I can get -- only it is never enough. I see myself doing it and I am shocked and ashamed, yet I can't stop...
Posted by lonelygirl on March 29, 2004, at 7:50:41
In reply to I can’t do this, posted by lonelygirl on March 28, 2004, at 16:47:47
Sometimes I just feel like I want to drink myself into oblivion. The weird thing about it is that I don't really drink, aside from the occasional glass of wine at dinner on a special occasion (and even then, I don't like it all that much). I have never actually gotten drunk, but I feel like I should get totally wasted. For some reason, I can't really bring myself to do it. Isn't that kind of weird and pathetic?
Posted by TexasChic on March 29, 2004, at 13:29:11
In reply to I can’t do this, posted by lonelygirl on March 28, 2004, at 16:47:47
I understand completely, I've felt that way at work many times. I think its part of the depression somehow. You might try breaking it down into small steps, and tell yourself you will only do this one step. Once you complete that one step, congratulate yourself. Then, when you're ready, try the next step.
I saw your other post about starting back on the Prozac, and that's a good move. There is no shame in taking the medication you need. Its actually an assertive step because you are doing what you need to make yourself better. I've accepted the fact that I have something medically, physically wrong with me and I'll probably be on meds for life. You can't *will* your depression away. Taking meds is not a sign of weakness but of strength. You deserve to be happy. By doing whatever it takes to achieve this, it shows your strength.
You haven't mentioned whether or not you are in therapy. For me, meds were half the battle, and therapy has been the second half. I had the same attitude towards myself that you seem to have, and therapy helped that tremendously. It seems to me that the meds are what makes you able to take the other steps you need to get better.
Anyway, I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone. Be sure to keep us updated on how you're fairing.
Hang in there!
Posted by lonelygirl on March 29, 2004, at 15:25:09
In reply to Re: I can’t do this, posted by TexasChic on March 29, 2004, at 13:29:11
Hi, thanks for the words of wisdom...
By the way, if you ever happen to wander over to the psychology board (and you should some time -- it can be, um, interesting!), you will see that I am, indeed, in therapy, although it may have made things even worse.
Therapy: the cause of, and solution to, all life's problems.
Posted by TexasChic on March 29, 2004, at 16:02:04
In reply to Re: I can’t do this » TexasChic, posted by lonelygirl on March 29, 2004, at 15:25:09
Ah! A fellow Simpsons fan. How cool! I'll look at the psychology board here in a minute. I'm trying to read and work at the same time. :-) I just had to respond to the Simpsons connection.
Posted by lonelygirl on March 29, 2004, at 17:17:13
In reply to Re: I can’t do this, posted by TexasChic on March 29, 2004, at 16:02:04
Posted by TexasChic on March 30, 2004, at 10:04:31
In reply to Re: I can’t do this » TexasChic, posted by lonelygirl on March 29, 2004, at 15:25:09
I checked out the Psyc board and I have to admit the stalking the T thing is not something I'm equipped to advise anyone on (which is why I'm posting to you here.) Its obviously a pretty common thing though! And I can see how it could happen. Here you are sharing your most private thoughts with this person, and they are understanding and not judging you. It could easily be the most intimate relationship a person has in during a difficult time in their lives.
I was curious if you've tried changing to a female T, or if you've tried talking to your current one about this. It seems as if the stalking thing (and I use this term because it is what was used to describe it, not in any derogatory way) may be keeping you from benefiting as much as you could from therapy. Anyway, that's just my opinion. Take it for what its worth. I just know how much therapy has helped, and is still helping me, so I try to encourage others about it
This is the end of the thread.
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