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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 13 of 13. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by whiterabbit on July 14, 2003, at 20:05:51
God how am I going to face those people again on Wednesday?? If there's anything worse than cracking up, it's cracking up in front of a bunch of strangers. I am so miserable.Went to work Friday and Saturday morning and did okay. Did okay this morning too. But this afternoon it got extremely busy and I don't know what happened to me...I just started feeling upset and unhappy because here I was working very hard, and I know that my husband meets his girlfriend in the afternoon when he finishes up work around 2:00, so I'm busting my ass while they're bouncing around in some hotel room that my husband has no doubt charged to his credit card, as he intends to make me pay half of what we owe on all our credit cards.
I just couldn't stop thinking about it and I started to cry, and I couldn't stop. Meanwhile the patient charts are piling up outside the door, everyone is waiting on me - doctors, nurses, patients, all wondering what the holdup is. There was nobody who could take over for me, and I couldn't just leave, but I couldn't stop crying either. What a mess.
Finally I thought, well you can't hide in here behind the cabinet all night, so I went back to work - didn't see any choice - and I'm sure all the patients said to their doctor, "Hey did you know that your x-ray tech is back there crying like a baby?" And of course all the nurses saw me too, and I STILL couldn't stop bawling.
Got the x-rays done, turned off the machines and left without cleaning up, something I've never done. Cried all the way home.
Gee I had hoped that I was done with humiliating myself in front of a crowd. And I'm supposed to go back on Wednesday but I don't know how.
I can't believe this is happening to me.
Posted by Dinah on July 14, 2003, at 20:15:23
In reply to GEE, I HANDLED THAT WELL, posted by whiterabbit on July 14, 2003, at 20:05:51
I'm really sorry that you were feeling that bad. That's what I thought when I read your post, and that's probably what others are feeling as well. You didn't humiliate yourself. You're grieving.
Plus, people tend to think a lot less about ourselves than we are afraid they do. They've got their own lives and their own problems and as long as you appear reasonably normal on Wednesday, they'll be all too happy to "forget" whatever they did notice today. I'm not sure that's altogether a good thing. ???? But it's more or less what I've noticed.
Posted by gabbix2 on July 14, 2003, at 20:24:21
In reply to Re: GEE, I HANDLED THAT WELL » whiterabbit, posted by Dinah on July 14, 2003, at 20:15:23
((Gracie))
I agree with Dinah though, my first reaction wouldn't be "What a weirdo" and it wouldn't have been before I became depressed either. It would be "Oh something awful must have happened, and she has to work too, thats terrible"And as for the Dr's and nurses you have to face again I think the best policy is just not to say anything. Go to work like nothing happened.
That I've learned from experience, otherwise they can make more of it than there has to be.
Posted by Miller on July 14, 2003, at 20:48:58
In reply to Re: GEE, I HANDLED THAT WELL, posted by gabbix2 on July 14, 2003, at 20:24:21
You poor thing. I hate to cry. I hate to cry in public worse. If it makes you feel better, I will give you a more humiliating work experience. The short version is that in December I was terribly depressed. Very bad. I came home on a Friday night and took a whole bottle of sleeping pills. I slept until Sunday morning. Since my husband never said a word to me about sleeping 35 hours straight, I felt worse than I had Friday. To make a really long story short, I went to work (at a law firm) on Sunday. I couldn't concentrate (duh) and called a crisis line. The crisis line traced the call back to the law firm. They only had my first name. I had already gone home. The police went to the office building and searched every floor. One of our attorneys was in the office. Nice. On Monday, after the police had come to my home and told me all that happened, I had to tell the senior partner. Guess what? I survived. They actually treat me with more respect now. They saw how far down I was and how much I have worked to get better.
So, it may feel horrible, but, you are human Gracie. If you X-Ray your heart, it is broken. It will take time to heal. Don't berate yourself for being sad.
(((GRACIE)))
-Miller
Posted by justyourlaugh on July 14, 2003, at 21:22:30
In reply to Oh, Gracie, posted by Miller on July 14, 2003, at 20:48:58
white...
how about starting over?
tomorrow is the first day of the rest of your life..
pick up where you left off with head held high..
everything you do makes you stronger..even our mishaps..
everyone is human..i bet some of your "spectators" felt alot of compassion for you but felt helpless..
i really feel for you rabbit...
try not to judge "them" for judging you..
it would hurt them to know you thought they were cruel..as it would for you to be thought of as ...
i know you are a very compassionate person...that alone keeps you above most..
j
Posted by Tabitha on July 15, 2003, at 1:42:46
In reply to GEE, I HANDLED THAT WELL, posted by whiterabbit on July 14, 2003, at 20:05:51
It's OK Gracie, some of them probably know what you're going through, and the others.. well if they're mature and kind human beings they'll feel compassion, and if not.. who cares what they think.
Posted by kara lynne on July 15, 2003, at 1:42:53
In reply to GEE, I HANDLED THAT WELL, posted by whiterabbit on July 14, 2003, at 20:05:51
Hi Gracie,
Oh I'm so sorry you're feeling so badly. Although I know it feels awful, if I saw you like that today I would just want to come over and hug you. If anything, people feel awkward because they want to be able to do something for you, but they can't or don't know what to do. I hope you don't feel bad for another moment about having a very real moment in front of people--unfortunately we don't get to pick the timing of those. But it was human, and it was real, and anyone with a shred of decency would have some compassion for what you're going through. Even if they don't know what it is.You have been so strong here--for me, and for many others. You get to have a moment of grief. I'm glad you cried. You can bawl your little head off wherever you want. I've had a couple of melt downs myself in public lately, and bawled uncontrollably much to my dismay. So some of my (ex) neighbors thought I was a little freaked out, but they were pretty strange themselves. So what. And the people that do know you must know what a difficult time this is for you.
Frankly I don't know how you're doing as well as you are. It would kill me to start thinking of those things that were plaguing you today. It's beyond sad. It's really rotten painful and completely unfair. The only part I don't get is why we have to be the ones stuck with all of the grief. And they get girlfriends, or houses, or fame.
Anyway, hold your head high. You're an example to all of us here.
Posted by Penny on July 15, 2003, at 8:57:36
In reply to GEE, I HANDLED THAT WELL, posted by whiterabbit on July 14, 2003, at 20:05:51
Oh Gracie, I am so sorry.
But just to reiterate what everyone here has said, I seriously seriously doubt that anyone was thinking anything bad about your tears.
You can't expect yourself to hold it together and be an actress all the time, regardless of whether you're at work or not. I was told by a boss once to 'leave it at the door' and I had certainly been trying, but it's just not possible all the time. Some days we're able to put it aside and focus on something else, other days it boils over and we can't prevent that from happening.
But, so what? I'm sure that most people have had that kind of experience at one point or another. You are human, and you are allowed to feel bad and to cry.
I wish you didn't feel bad and weren't going through so much pain. But you are strong, Gracie. Look at how much support you give us on this board? You will get through this.
Much love to you.
Penny
Posted by kidatheart on July 15, 2003, at 14:25:54
In reply to GEE, I HANDLED THAT WELL, posted by whiterabbit on July 14, 2003, at 20:05:51
aaahh....i have done the same thing. except my most recent one was at a bar-b-que with my family and i started bawling cause it just dawned on my that after my hysterectomy, that was like almost two monthes ago, i only had one ovary....now how stupid is that? now i can laugh about it, but then i thought my heart was breaking. since i have been on zoloft i dont feel such a rollar coaster of feelings which is wierd cause that is how i have been all my life, i feel almost like a different person completely:)
Posted by noa on July 15, 2003, at 17:07:30
In reply to GEE, I HANDLED THAT WELL, posted by whiterabbit on July 14, 2003, at 20:05:51
((((((Gracie))))))
Gracie, really, everyone here has said it well. You have been under an inordinate amount of stress. You've been handling it with extraordinary strength. Every once in a while, the feelings have to come out. I think the staff probably just feel concerned about your distress.
You sound like a super competent worker who keeps up with work very well. I doubt anyone thinks you've blown it or anything. I think they would just think that you are stressed to the limits right now.
I cry at work way more than I want to and I know it feels so out of control. One of my colleagues was joking with me about how much she cries at work, too.
Don't judge yourself so harshly. Really. You are a strong person and even strong people need to cry and lose it sometimes.
Hope today was a bit better.
Posted by Dinah on July 15, 2003, at 18:09:28
In reply to GEE, I HANDLED THAT WELL, posted by whiterabbit on July 14, 2003, at 20:05:51
Posted by kara lynne on July 15, 2003, at 19:29:34
In reply to Re: Are you feeling any better today? (nm) » whiterabbit, posted by Dinah on July 15, 2003, at 18:09:28
Posted by whiterabbit on July 15, 2003, at 19:46:31
In reply to GEE, I HANDLED THAT WELL, posted by whiterabbit on July 14, 2003, at 20:05:51
There's another page for my "Dreadful Experiences" notebook - just put it in there, stick it back on the shelf, try to get some distance from it. Sigh...I'll try to take my own advice and just stay away from him...it hurts to even look at him, it's just so EASY for him to sneak around and tell lie after lie, it doesn't seem to bother him at all.
And if that's not terrible enough, he also goes around bad-mouthing me to everyone we know, including our son...I mean, how low can you go?
I guess he says all these hateful things about me because it makes him feel better about what he's doing. But seeing him for the selfish, bitter, petty, lieing sack of s*** that he really is, it makes me sick to my stomach...what did I do to deserve this miserable vicious treatment from him, I don't know.Well at least it's coming to an end now. I let him screw up the last 20 years of my life, he's not going to screw up the next 20 years by getting away cheap. This is ALL going on his tab.
Thanks for your kind words everybody, it does help, I must not be as worthless as he's always saying. Gee Miller, your husband sounds like a real gem too, how did we get fortunate enough to pick these two shining jewels for a "lifetime" partner? The Fates were frowning on us...
Couldn't sleep last night, cried some more, maybe I'm done now. I hope so, I'm worn out from all the crying, very tired...need to wrap up in a blanket, cocoon for awhile, wish there was some chocolate around here someplace...
Gracie
This is the end of the thread.
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