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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 12 of 12. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Penny on July 9, 2003, at 11:28:27
Okay, so I know I keep complaining about my roommate, but this is truly the only place I can sound off right now, especially since my therapist is still out of town. Thank goodness I see her on Monday, but that seems like such a long way away right now...
I've been doing Weight Watchers since January of this year - had lost 35 lbs. After sliding into the Pit recently, my weight has started to creep back on, mostly because I crave sweets all the time and just haven't had the will power or motivation to stop myself from eating whatever I want. That's what I do when I'm depressed - eat.
Anyway, she said something about cooking dinner tonight and was there anything I wanted, and I told her that I have to get back on plan and so on, and she asked if she joined, would it be easier for me, which was thoughtful, and I told her that they do say it's easier when you join with a friend. But then I told her that if she just gave me some support and encouragement, and did little things, like covering up her cakes and whatnot, so I can't see them, that would help tremendously.
She has this glass cake plate, so when she bakes something, it's on display. Very tempting, though I try to ignore it.
So she said something about how she loves her cake plate and about how she tried to give me support in the past but that I acted all 'snotty' and like I didn't want her support and would act like she didn't know s**t about WW. She said she always tries to be supportive.
My problem? I can't understand why she seems to remember every bad thing I've ever said or done to her. Everything. She holds a grudge longer than any person I know. She even said, "you might not remember this..." and she's right, I don't.
It makes me think of my dad, who used to tell me I was a snob. Funny, to think of myself that way, as my self-esteem is about an inch high. And, of course, this whole thing just reinforces my belief about myself - that I'm a terrible person.
So I ended up in tears, and I haven't emailed her back, and she just sent me an email asking if I was okay, and what do I say to her? Everything I say she takes in the wrong way, but if I say i'm fine, I'm just doing what I accuse her of doing - holding it all in. I hold it in because she takes it all the wrong way. And perhaps I do the same thing.
I feel like crap.
Posted by whiterabbit on July 9, 2003, at 13:39:06
In reply to infuriated and in tears, posted by Penny on July 9, 2003, at 11:28:27
Penny-
Wish you & Kaly could hook up, she has roommate trouble too. But she lives in the UK.I think you should stay away from your roommate as much as possible until things settle down. Just stay away from her...it sounds like she's pretty much gotten on your last nerve & the situation will only escalate from here if you try to confront her.
I just went through this kind of scenario myself with my own "roommate" - my husband of 20 years who is in the process of divorcing me. We're still living together for now while the legalities & technicalities are being worked out.
Right after his announcement that he intended to divorce me, it got pretty ugly around here for awhile - ugly being an understatement. At one point my son was holding us apart because I was so furious.My only point being, if me & whatshisface can manage to live in the same house, you guys can too. Like I said, just stay away from her for now. This isn't backing down or giving in, it's just cooling off. You're not going to get anything accomplished while your nerves are so raw, believe me. In the meantime, if she tries to start something with you, just close your eyes and take a deep breath. Your motto for now is:
DON'T COMPLAIN, DON'T EXPLAIN.
Then physically remove yourself from her presence. Do you have a Walgreens in town? Go on down there & pick up a bottle of...wait a minute, I have to find my own bottle...no I'm not talking about a bottle of liquor...ummm, here we go. It's called Chitosol. It doesn't bother me to go into the drugstore & read the labels on every single bottle of vitamins and diet stuff, although an employee walks up to me every 15 minutes or so & says, "Uhhh, can I HELP you?" and I say, "Yeah, get on up there to the cash register, I'll be there in a little bit." Then they go away & I keep on reading.
Anyway from my survey at Walgreens, Chitosol looks like the best deal on chitosan, the fat-blocking stuff. Every capsule has 500 mg and you only have to wait ONE TO FIVE MINUTES after taking the capsules before you can eat. Even I can wait that long! So the next time you just HAVE to eat a piece of cake or something, take the Chitosol first & that will help minimize the damage & you won't feel so guilty. I don't think you should feel guilty anyway...there are MURDERERS out there who don't feel guilty & here you are beating yourself up over a piece of cake.
Okay, hope this helps even a tiny bit.
-Gracie
Posted by mair on July 9, 2003, at 15:36:36
In reply to Re: infuriated and in tears, posted by whiterabbit on July 9, 2003, at 13:39:06
Posted by whiterabbit on July 9, 2003, at 17:04:21
In reply to What is chitosol supposed to do? (nm) » whiterabbit, posted by mair on July 9, 2003, at 15:36:36
Chitosol is a brand name - there's no patent, so lots of brands out there, my only guess is because chitosan is a natural ingredient. If I remember, it's ground-up shells from watchacallits, crustaceans? Shrimp and lobster shells. So you can't take it if you're allergic to iodine or shellfish.
Anyway, chitosan binds to the fat in foods you eat, while it's still in your stomach, & in this form it can't be absorbed by your intestines so it passes out of your system undigested instead of padding your hips.
-Gracie
Posted by gabbix2 on July 9, 2003, at 18:32:10
In reply to Chitosol » mair, posted by whiterabbit on July 9, 2003, at 17:04:21
I opened up 1 capsule and mixed it with two tablespoons of oil and it did indeed turn it into a semi congealed gelatinous mass.
Hey, I don't have your people skills Gracie I have to contribute what I can!!
It never worked for me for long term use ( I don't think its supposed to) But it is good for those occasional indulgences.
Posted by fallsfall on July 9, 2003, at 19:33:43
In reply to infuriated and in tears, posted by Penny on July 9, 2003, at 11:28:27
When she says :
"that I acted all 'snotty' and like I didn't want her support and would act like she didn't know s**t about WW"
You can say:
"Well, maybe I haven't been as appreciative in the past as I should have been. I'm sorry. What I really think I need now is for you to ... I'll try to be more appreciative!"
Posted by yesac on July 9, 2003, at 20:10:44
In reply to infuriated and in tears, posted by Penny on July 9, 2003, at 11:28:27
> It makes me think of my dad, who used to tell me I was a snob. Funny, to think of myself that way, as my self-esteem is about an inch high.
I think that sometimes I come off as a snob because I tend to act all aloof with people, and it probably seems like I'm not interested or I think that I'm above them, which is so far from the truth. Also, I'm not very good at pretending I'm interested when I'm not, so I think that my eyes/attention wander and people can tell. My best friend told me once that I am more-or-less a snob, well, maybe hypocrite was the word, because I have these higher standards for myself - I think it's fine for other people to be whatever way, but certain things aren't good enough for myself.
Anyways. I'm sorry about your situation with her. I don't really know what to say because I am not very "effective" with friends/roomates/family so I'm not sure I have any worthy advice. But I hope it works out okay.
Posted by Penny on July 10, 2003, at 12:23:43
In reply to Re: infuriated and in tears » Penny, posted by fallsfall on July 9, 2003, at 19:33:43
It seems as if all I do is apologize. It's as though what I say is always wrong, but everything she says is fine fine fine. Mainly because I don't make note of every time she says something that hurts me, but she seems to remember every time I say something to her that she takes offense to.
And she remembers it, and holds on to it, for just the right time to throw it back in my face.
I don't think she does this maliciously, but I also don't think she realizes how those things play over and over in my mind, reinforcing my core beliefs about myself, reinforcing what I grew up hearing from my father.
I guess it is my problem. I guess I am a know-it-all. Certainly enough people have told me so.
So, as I usually do, I will try to vow to keep my mouth shut and my opinions to myself if there is any chance that those things might offend someone.
Because we wouldn't want that.
Posted by Penny on July 10, 2003, at 12:31:24
In reply to Re: infuriated and in tears - Penny, posted by yesac on July 9, 2003, at 20:10:44
I am just so frustrated. I didn't respond to her last message to me regarding what she said to me, I just let it go. I try to just let it go all the time. Doesn't do any good to bring it back up.
So, for the rest of the day yesterday and last night and this morning, I just acted as though everything was fine. I am used to being criticized by others, and I guess I am critical of others too, so perhaps I deserve it. I don't intend to be that way. I don't intend to act like I'm 'better' than other people, because, as you said, I certainly don't feel that way. I think a lot of it has to do with always being told I should think/feel a certain way and trying to assert myself and my own beliefs, but it not coming across that way.
So, I suppose I always say the wrong things at the wrong times. And, I suspect I know what people on this board will say to this, but it's just one more piece of evidence that the world would be better off without me.
And, of course, in my family that would be called 'feeling sorry for myself' and 'being selfish'. Maybe so. Who cares, as long as they don't have to listen to me anymore. Then they won't have anything to complain/get upset about.
P
Posted by Penny on July 10, 2003, at 12:33:52
In reply to Re: infuriated and in tears, posted by whiterabbit on July 9, 2003, at 13:39:06
Your messages always make me smile, Gracie.
thanks.
P
Posted by yesac on July 10, 2003, at 16:43:02
In reply to Re: infuriated and in tears - Penny » yesac, posted by Penny on July 10, 2003, at 12:31:24
> So, I suppose I always say the wrong things at the wrong times. And, I suspect I know what people on this board will say to this, but it's just one more piece of evidence that the world would be better off without me.What do you think they'd say?
> And, of course, in my family that would be called 'feeling sorry for myself' and 'being selfish'. Maybe so. Who cares, as long as they don't have to listen to me anymore. Then they won't have anything to complain/get upset about.Do you mean that your family would call killing yourself selfish? Well - my mother has actually said in the past (for unknown reasons this came up a long time ago, but it sticks in my mind) that she thinks killing oneself is so incredibly selfish and it is an insult to those who love you, etc. In some ways, I think she's right. But that certainly isn't all there is to it! But I was thinking about this the other day, and I can see my mom being really pissed off at me if I killed myself. Of course, grief-stricken and all that too, but very angry.
Posted by giget on July 11, 2003, at 7:40:59
In reply to Re: infuriated and in tears » Penny, posted by yesac on July 10, 2003, at 16:43:02
After the email from your roomate, I would have sent one back saying you have to think about some stuff and will get back to her when you have it figured out. I have done this before and it seems to work....
My parents also think sucide is a selfish thing to do.... and they would be very angry with me...
That is just them, there generation!>
> > So, I suppose I always say the wrong things at the wrong times. And, I suspect I know what people on this board will say to this, but it's just one more piece of evidence that the world would be better off without me.
>
> What do you think they'd say?
>
> > And, of course, in my family that would be called 'feeling sorry for myself' and 'being selfish'. Maybe so. Who cares, as long as they don't have to listen to me anymore. Then they won't have anything to complain/get upset about.
>
> Do you mean that your family would call killing yourself selfish? Well - my mother has actually said in the past (for unknown reasons this came up a long time ago, but it sticks in my mind) that she thinks killing oneself is so incredibly selfish and it is an insult to those who love you, etc. In some ways, I think she's right. But that certainly isn't all there is to it! But I was thinking about this the other day, and I can see my mom being really pissed off at me if I killed myself. Of course, grief-stricken and all that too, but very angry.
This is the end of the thread.
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