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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 23 of 23. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by sar on March 4, 2002, at 16:28:45
i don't want to be repetitive, but i've been dx'd with almost everything in the book (depression, anxiety, bipolar II the main ones).
today i saw a new pdoc and she asked if i had any "crazy" thinking. "not crazy, just weird," i said. 'cos i'm a weird person. in a nice way though. she looked at me scrutinizingly: "like *what* kind of weird thoughts?" "i dunno..." i said (who doesn't have weird thoughts?) she persisted. "Um, i don't think people should have to wear shoes if they don't want to" was my final answer.
this topic of "crazy thinking" brought us back to the story of the time of my blackest depression. i thought that people were against me, or that i didn't exist...i thought that people were constantly speaking in metaphor...like if they were to say, "So-and-so needs a haircut" i'd immediately think, "are they trying to tell me something? like, that i need a haircut?" it didn't matter what they said really, i always thought it was a hidden message to me.
one time i was with some housemates (with whom i was not getting along) watching Ally McBeal and she was doing a lot of silly things i'd done, and then the Lucy Liu character was too. my housemates were in hysterics. i thought that they were laughing at the show not because it was really so funny, but that because it was so weird that i was as nutty as Ally and Lucy and it was being broadcast at the worst possible moment.
the pdoc called this "psychotic" and "ideas of reference."
i don't do this anymore, and haven't since i crawled out of that hole, but it did last for 2-4 months. meds and time have straightened me out.
however, when she walked me into the nurses office for paperwork she announced, "Well, it appears as if S_____ has schizoaffective disorder!"
this bowled me over.
does anyone out there have the schizoaffective dx? do my symptoms sound familiar?
Posted by trouble on March 5, 2002, at 2:29:36
In reply to schizoaffective disorder, posted by sar on March 4, 2002, at 16:28:45
Hellllllo sister schizo!!
Yup you got my number, schizoaffective, depressive type. NO ONE quite knows what it means,but the good news: it's curable, ha!
The consensus is yer a little bit schizophrenic-n-a lil bit manic but not enough of each to be the one pure thing, POSER!
Prognosis for schizoaffective is better than schizophrenic, so spill the wine, dig that girl!
trouble
p.s. I had you pegged as schizoaffective/borderline p.d. from the gitgo. Takes one to know one!
Posted by trouble on March 5, 2002, at 2:31:31
In reply to schizoaffective disorder, posted by sar on March 4, 2002, at 16:28:45
Posted by Krazy Kat on March 5, 2002, at 8:12:38
In reply to Sister, my sister, posted by trouble on March 5, 2002, at 2:29:36
Sar:
My pdoc has me now as Mood Disorder NOS, and has also mentioned Schizoaffective Disorder.
I've decided that if I can live with manic symptoms and psychosis, then I'm mostly going to treat the depression. I don't mind being a little strange - in fact I've come to like it.
What meds did she prescribe, if I may ask?
Thinking of you.
- KK
Posted by Krazy Kat on March 5, 2002, at 8:17:13
In reply to schizoaffective disorder, posted by sar on March 4, 2002, at 16:28:45
your depression sounds so much like mine. I know I'm falling deep when I think that my friends are suddenly out to get me, my hubby has a hidden agenda, etc. This also sounds a lot like my brother.
Also, the visions sometimes pop up around that time. That's why the Bipolar diagnosis has always been questionable to my pdoc, I think. Bipolars who have psychoses, tend to only have them during a manic episode.
Thanks for your desciption - I have a hard time putting it into words.
- KK
Posted by Penny on March 5, 2002, at 8:28:06
In reply to Re: Sister, my sister » trouble, posted by Krazy Kat on March 5, 2002, at 8:12:38
> My pdoc has me now as Mood Disorder NOS, and has also mentioned Schizoaffective Disorder.KK - My new pdoc hasn't mentioned Schizoaffective Disorder, but has changed my 'official' diagnosis to Mood Disorder NOS. In the past it has always been Major Depressive Disorder - Recurrent, which I never thought fully described my situation. My therapist added Dysthymic Disorder, which we traced back to about age 10, and which my two previous pdocs completely ignored. But my moods definitely cycle, quite rapidly (over the course of a day) from feeling 'okay' to feeling suicidal. I don't think I qualify for manic depression, b/c I don't think I've ever had a manic episode, and I don't think I've ever experienced any kind of psychosis, but...
Any particular reason your pdoc diagnosed you with Mood Disorders NOS?
Posted by Penny on March 5, 2002, at 8:34:27
In reply to schizoaffective disorder, posted by sar on March 4, 2002, at 16:28:45
> today i saw a new pdoc and she asked if i had any "crazy" thinking. "not crazy, just weird," i said. 'cos i'm a weird person. in a nice way though. she looked at me scrutinizingly: "like *what* kind of weird thoughts?" "i dunno..." i said (who doesn't have weird thoughts?) she persisted. "Um, i don't think people should have to wear shoes if they don't want to" was my final answer.
And, what's wrong with that??? Like she's never had 'weird' thoughts herself. I think that people who claim to only have 'normal' thoughts are in denial...My last pdoc liked to use the term 'squirrelly thoughts.' Made me sound like a psycho rodent...
Penny
Posted by Krazy Kat on March 5, 2002, at 8:35:24
In reply to Re: Sister, my sister » Krazy Kat, posted by Penny on March 5, 2002, at 8:28:06
Penny:
He's alittle diagnosis-wary. I insisted on a diagnosis at the beginning b/c I needed someplace to start, with research, support, etc. Bipolar II made sense to me, and I think I kind of convinced him to use that.
My "manic episodes" are really short - sometimes just a few hours and that doesn't fall into the correct time frame. I do feel hyper, irritable, and rather grandiose at the same time, but it's certainly not extreme like Bipolar I is supposed to be.
There's some thought that BPII is the current "catch all". It will all change eventually anyway. The tough thing is finding a med that will help. Mood stabilizers did help me but made me so tired and/or flat I couldn't continue.
Right now, I'm taking a thyroid med (just started), Neurontin, and Prozac, with Zyprexa for the times when I feel "psychotic". I tried the Zyprexa one night and it wiped me out for two days. Needless to say, I am going to avoid it.I seem to have both a mood disorder and a thought disorder.
- KK
Posted by Krazy Kat on March 5, 2002, at 8:42:43
In reply to schizoaffective disorder, posted by sar on March 4, 2002, at 16:28:45
http://www.psycom.net/depression.central.schizoaffective.html
Posted by Krazy Kat on March 5, 2002, at 11:50:02
In reply to schizoaffective disorder, posted by sar on March 4, 2002, at 16:28:45
http://mentalhealth.about.com/library/weekly/aa061801a.htm?terms=schizoaffective
Posted by sar on March 5, 2002, at 13:18:48
In reply to Sister, my sister, posted by trouble on March 5, 2002, at 2:29:36
> Hellllllo sister schizo!!
>
> Yup you got my number, schizoaffective, depressive type. NO ONE quite knows what it means,but the good news: it's curable, ha!
>
> The consensus is yer a little bit schizophrenic-n-a lil bit manic but not enough of each to be the one pure thing, POSER!
>
oh, i've been pegged borderline (and histrionic! woohoo!) before and believed it for awhile...but you know what they say about southern girls with conservative fathers: they're the wild ones. we wanna f*ck sh*t up! i'm young too...and lack the temper of the borderline...as far as the schizo stuff goes, i was glad that my paranoia had a special name: ideas of reference. i also dug that the doctor called my blackest depression (2000-2001) "psychotic." that gave it some weight. i really felt like i was going crazy, that i'd die or was dying, and i was delusional.
but i've thought about it more and read about the disorder and i go back to Me: i own my own weirdness, i don't think i have these disorders (except depression and anxiety). it goes back to the crappy upbringing, the abuse, the terrible shyness (that i don't have too much of anymore, but it was debilitating for 23 years).
> Prognosis for schizoaffective is better than schizophrenic, so spill the wine, dig that girl!
>
> trouble
>
> p.s. I had you pegged as schizoaffective/borderline p.d. from the gitgo. Takes one to know one!i think i'll always have a wild streak...but i was bothered about this dx because the doctor had just met me, and decided this in 15 or 20 minutes. and all the sudden she wants me on an antipsychotic.
the last time i was hospitalised (january of this year) everyone said, "What are you doing here? you seem so normal. happy-go-lucky. yang. *What* are you doing here?" i was there because i go along and go along and then i decide to kill myself. just the other night i was drinking and having a fine time, but then i twisted up my sheet and tried to hang myself from the shower rod, but it fell! the downstairs neighbor made a noise complaint on me! sadly funny...
anyway, everyone i know thinks i'm normal! i don't act weird...just a lil wild...
Posted by sar on March 5, 2002, at 13:20:29
In reply to BTW, » sar, posted by Krazy Kat on March 5, 2002, at 8:17:13
>
> Also, the visions sometimes pop up around that time.what kind of visions to you have? i just get paranoid.
Posted by sar on March 5, 2002, at 13:21:48
In reply to Re: Sister, my sister » Krazy Kat, posted by Penny on March 5, 2002, at 8:28:06
you sound *exactly* like me....
> > My pdoc has me now as Mood Disorder NOS, and has also mentioned Schizoaffective Disorder.
>
> KK - My new pdoc hasn't mentioned Schizoaffective Disorder, but has changed my 'official' diagnosis to Mood Disorder NOS. In the past it has always been Major Depressive Disorder - Recurrent, which I never thought fully described my situation. My therapist added Dysthymic Disorder, which we traced back to about age 10, and which my two previous pdocs completely ignored. But my moods definitely cycle, quite rapidly (over the course of a day) from feeling 'okay' to feeling suicidal. I don't think I qualify for manic depression, b/c I don't think I've ever had a manic episode, and I don't think I've ever experienced any kind of psychosis, but...
>
> Any particular reason your pdoc diagnosed you with Mood Disorders NOS?
Posted by Penny on March 5, 2002, at 13:45:37
In reply to Re: Sister, my sister » Penny, posted by sar on March 5, 2002, at 13:21:48
>the last time i was hospitalised (january of >this year) everyone said, "What are you doing >here? you seem so normal. happy-go-lucky. yang. >*What* are you doing here?" i was there because >i go along and go along and then i decide to >kill myself.
Sar,
Yeah...I can relate to this...my best friend thinks I need to be hospitalized b/c of similar circumstances. I'm fighting it b/c I haven't actually had a suicide attempt, though I've come close. I think I crossed the line with her Friday a week ago, when I called her in quite a 'state'...laying on the floor, crying, hating myself, wondering if I had enough pills to do the job, etc. And, fairly frequently, I stand in my bedroom, which is a loft of sorts & has a window overlooking the downstairs, and think about how I would have to fall to ensure that I didn't survive it. Other times, I can see how crazy that is! And, I think I can at the time too, but knowing that it's not 'logical' doesn't make it seem any better!!!
Wow...it feels better to know that I'm not the only one...
Penny
> you sound *exactly* like me....
>
>
>
>
> > > My pdoc has me now as Mood Disorder NOS, and has also mentioned Schizoaffective Disorder.
> >
> > KK - My new pdoc hasn't mentioned Schizoaffective Disorder, but has changed my 'official' diagnosis to Mood Disorder NOS. In the past it has always been Major Depressive Disorder - Recurrent, which I never thought fully described my situation. My therapist added Dysthymic Disorder, which we traced back to about age 10, and which my two previous pdocs completely ignored. But my moods definitely cycle, quite rapidly (over the course of a day) from feeling 'okay' to feeling suicidal. I don't think I qualify for manic depression, b/c I don't think I've ever had a manic episode, and I don't think I've ever experienced any kind of psychosis, but...
> >
> > Any particular reason your pdoc diagnosed you with Mood Disorders NOS?
Posted by trouble on March 5, 2002, at 16:35:58
In reply to Re: Sister, my sister » Penny, posted by Krazy Kat on March 5, 2002, at 8:35:24
I get this diagnosis every time I'm tested and the only explanation they vgive me is "eccentric or odd beliefs." Hmmmm. How does that differ from psychosis I wonder, and why can't they just be kind for once and say "sounds like we got a poet on our hands"? My psychologicals always seem to represent fixed and narrow and culturally vapid beliefs on the part of the interpreters, but they all come up w/the same results. Makes for a united and formidable front, and my accusations of bullsh*t sophistry merely add grist to the mill of my deviant diagnosis. Ever get the feeling you've been cheated?
trouble
Posted by sar on March 6, 2002, at 13:11:09
In reply to what's a thought disorder?, posted by trouble on March 5, 2002, at 16:35:58
trouble,
you wrote, "ever get the feeling you're being cheated?"
i get the feeling i'm being pigeonholed--and that's cheating. how can a woman who's known me for 15-20 minutes waltz in and announce that i have the supposed "disorder"? i guess 'cos it's in a book.
i don't know if i like psychology so much anymore...really. i had wanted to get a master's in psychology, but now i feel like it's not fair, the people jailed at the state hospital aren't treated well o it's not fair, those cow-call showers, rules to not share you food, pillows like paper, pdocs always absent, the restraints, just the pure FORCE of it all. why couldn't Sherry live at home believing her brother had been pulverized? so obviously she was wacky in the head, but did sitting in a rocking chair by lime green tile walls help?
wellbutrin is having weird effects on me. sorry if i'm on a rant.
Posted by Mark H. on March 6, 2002, at 13:41:55
In reply to BTW my pdoc pronounces it sheeeeezo-affective! (nm), posted by trouble on March 5, 2002, at 2:31:31
Dear Trouble,
I think she said, "She's so effective!"
You are, you know.
Mark H.
Posted by trouble on March 6, 2002, at 13:47:21
In reply to BTW my pdoc pronounces it sheeeeezo-affective! (nm), posted by trouble on March 5, 2002, at 2:31:31
Everyone read Mark H's post, it's a lol shot in the arm!
Posted by Mark H. on March 6, 2002, at 13:53:55
In reply to schizoaffective disorder, posted by sar on March 4, 2002, at 16:28:45
Dear sar,
I was too upset to respond right away, but now that I've calmed down, I just want to say that labels are only useful and valid if they lead to improvement in understanding and treatment -- clearly, a diagnosis tossed off at the end of a session (reported in your presence to a third person, no less) does not meet those criteria for me. Your p-doc's behavior was not only rude but destructive (and probably inaccurate as well).
Grrrrrr.... IF you see this doctor again, be sure to ask how she arrived at this diagnosis and EXACTLY what it means in terms of helping you to be happier and live a more fulfilling life.
If she made her diagnosis based on what you shared with us, then two-thirds of the people here (myself included) would receive the same diagnosis. That's clearly nonsense, in my opinion.
Think positively, and don't let this doctor's casual diagnosis keep you from pursuing other insights.
With warm regards,
Mark H.
Posted by mair on March 6, 2002, at 14:59:46
In reply to Re: schizoaffective disorder » sar, posted by Mark H. on March 6, 2002, at 13:53:55
Sar
I agree with Mark. My pdoc once told me that all of the DSM diagnostic categories are there as much for the drug companies as for anyone else, and that they really don't necessarily mean much. For god's sake, don't attach a label to yourself, since you're entirely too unique and special for that. Most of us do better when we can resist the impulse to pathologize ourselves.
Labels can just be shackles.Mair
Posted by sar on March 6, 2002, at 17:31:12
In reply to Re: Sister, my sister » Penny, posted by sar on March 5, 2002, at 13:21:48
dear Mark and Mair,
thanks for helping putting things in perspective. i just hate that it's on paper now. remember in elementary school, how they used to talk about your "permanent record"? like it was some file that'd last for life? i know that medical records are private and that it's not like that in this case, but that's how i *feel.*
this pdoc also said to me, "my episodes of depression are psychotic, too," so i feel like maybe she was--ah ha!-- *projecting* a bit?
however, i have a strongly bad taste in my mouth re: psychiatrists (um, except Dr. Bob and Cam!). i just see them to get the drugs that *i* want. they pretty much give me what i ask for (i let them choose the dose; i choose the drug).
i'm tired of labels...except "moody." that's what i'll classify myself as.
love,
Sar Moody, Esq.
Posted by Penny on March 7, 2002, at 9:39:06
In reply to Re: schizoaffective disorder » sar, posted by Mark H. on March 6, 2002, at 13:53:55
Ahh...sensible, rational, compassionate, understanding Mark. I think you speak for us all.
Thanks.
Penny
Posted by trouble on March 9, 2002, at 3:30:51
In reply to Re: what's a thought disorder? » trouble, posted by sar on March 6, 2002, at 13:11:09
> trouble,
>
> you wrote, "ever get the feeling you're being cheated?"
>
>
> i don't know if i like psychology so much anymore...really. i had wanted to get a master's in psychology, but now i feel like it's not fair
> wellbutrin is having weird effects on me. sorry if i'm on a rant.
No Sar, no, Wellbutrin isn't messing w/ your mind in regard to these feelings, they're completely lucid and understandable. In fact I am amazed at your equanimity considering all the contact you've had w/ the psychiatric establishment, I haven't had hardly any, and I could spit on the entire MHMR lot, the way I've been looked at during intakes and so forth, acting on-guard as if I just might go off on them like detective Sipowicz. That's me, the long arm of the law.Having been treated by boobs motivates me to get into the fray myself as a consumer-practitioner, there's noplace else I really feel needed. But I hate psychology. I hate social workers too.
And out of about six I had one good MHMR pdoc who I only saw a couple times since they come and go so fast and she was on her way to private practice. First time I saw her muttering around the filing cabinet I figured her for the cleaning lady, she was obese, wearing an old sweatshirt, no bra, and mannish footwear. Then she opened her mouth and diamonds fell out for fifty minutes straight. All business. Not one extraneous word, no stupid questions, steady eye-contact, measured pauses before speaking, and delicious sneering and harrumphing at appropriate junctures.
Where do they come from, why do they do it? Imagine the shit they get through medical school. It's this kind of dedication that pulls me back to my own ambivalent psych studies, like you I became disgusted and disillusioned w/ the whole farce once I really started studying it. The first whole chapter of my introductory psych textbook was a ridiculous indoctrination about psychology being a "science." On and on it went, like a neglected stepchild, we are scientists, you'll see, just you wait, just keep reading. But the ENTIRE textbook cover was a soft focus snapshot of a man and woman walking hand in hand along a sandy beach. Cognitive dissonance anyone?!
I have also had job interviews w/a couple psychiatric treatment facilities in town and the first thing I asked was do you use physical restraints and both interviewers tried to downplay it (Only when we really, really have to, trouble), and there's no way I'm going to be a part of that. I was even a volunteer advocate at the state hospital for a few weeks, but lost the position for dressing too provocatively, too bad since my supervisor had her head on straight when it came to fighting for the patients, w/out alienating the psychiatrists in the process, a total sweetheart, whose memory stays w/me, so I know the're out there, fighting the good fight, but I'm still not sure I can devote the rest of my life to something I don't much believe in. The language alone makes me barf. I'm embarrassed to use it. So I'm trying to prepare myself, if I do study psychology, for the inevitable question sure to come up, What are you majoring in? "Malarky. And you?"
love, troublep.s. darlin, the new me is now citing literary sources 'til someone comes along and says I don't have to, so the ever feel you've been cheated remark was made by Johnny Rotten at the end of the final Sex Pistols concert on the night the band broke up at San Fransisco's Winterland, 1979 or 1980, don't remember which.
Lousy footnotes.
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