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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 15 of 15. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Lamdage22 on September 30, 2016, at 7:51:46
So i am in this dorm and a borderline woman moved in with us. She is driving me crazy.
Advice?
Posted by Lamdage22 on September 30, 2016, at 10:30:28
In reply to A borderline woman is living with me, posted by Lamdage22 on September 30, 2016, at 7:51:46
part of it is probably my fault, too.
Posted by baseball55 on September 30, 2016, at 18:17:22
In reply to A borderline woman is living with me, posted by Lamdage22 on September 30, 2016, at 7:51:46
> So i am in this dorm and a borderline woman moved in with us. She is driving me crazy.
>
> Advice?
>
Why do you say she's borderline? What is she like?
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 1, 2016, at 3:51:28
In reply to Re: A borderline woman is living with me, posted by baseball55 on September 30, 2016, at 18:17:22
She says that herself. She has trouble with distance and closeness. She got too close to me for my feeling.
Posted by SLS on October 1, 2016, at 9:36:12
In reply to Re: A borderline woman is living with me, posted by Lamdage22 on October 1, 2016, at 3:51:28
> She says that herself. She has trouble with distance and closeness. She got too close to me for my feeling.
Some people will diagnose themselves as borderline. If she simply likes you and is getting to close, then you could verbally set some boundaries. People with borderline do not handle rejection very well, though. They fear abandonment. She would possibly become very agitated and angry as a result. They might also have wild mood swings during the course of a single day. There is more, of course, but I am not very knowledgeable about borderline. You could go online and see if her behaviors match that of the diagnosis and learn how to cope with it. It is not easy.
- Scott
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 1, 2016, at 9:37:02
In reply to Re: A borderline woman is living with me, posted by SLS on October 1, 2016, at 9:36:12
No no, its not self diagnosed. It appears to be real.
Posted by Pontormo on October 2, 2016, at 9:25:35
In reply to Re: A borderline woman is living with me, posted by SLS on October 1, 2016, at 9:36:12
It might be better to see and treat her as individual rather than as a diagnosis . These categories are pretty questionable although sometimes useful in treatment, but in real life I'm not sure they enhance ones ability to relate to people humanely . I would wonder why she also tells people this "diagnosis" -- maybe she's self denigrating or excusing her actions -- or some such thing, but it certainly doesn't help her or her friends to see her as a complex and variable human being
Maybe you could try to put all that aside and just do what feels right for you as as if she were what she is --someone you know who is making you uncomfortable.
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 2, 2016, at 11:47:37
In reply to Re: A borderline woman is living with me, posted by Pontormo on October 2, 2016, at 9:25:35
it got better again. We decided not to talk via sms or whatsapp unless absolutely necessary. I think this is key.
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 2, 2016, at 11:53:30
In reply to Re: A borderline woman is living with me, posted by Lamdage22 on October 2, 2016, at 11:47:37
On SMS and whatsapp people always say stuff they wouldnt say in person.
Posted by baseball55 on October 2, 2016, at 20:15:27
In reply to Re: A borderline woman is living with me, posted by Pontormo on October 2, 2016, at 9:25:35
Very thoughtful response!
> It might be better to see and treat her as individual rather than as a diagnosis . These categories are pretty questionable although sometimes useful in treatment, but in real life I'm not sure they enhance ones ability to relate to people humanely . I would wonder why she also tells people this "diagnosis" -- maybe she's self denigrating or excusing her actions -- or some such thing, but it certainly doesn't help her or her friends to see her as a complex and variable human being
>
> Maybe you could try to put all that aside and just do what feels right for you as as if she were what she is --someone you know who is making you uncomfortable.
>
>
Posted by SLS on October 3, 2016, at 9:32:04
In reply to Re: A borderline woman is living with me, posted by Pontormo on October 2, 2016, at 9:25:35
> It might be better to see and treat her as individual rather than as a diagnosis . These categories are pretty questionable although sometimes useful in treatment, but in real life I'm not sure they enhance ones ability to relate to people humanely . I would wonder why she also tells people this "diagnosis" -- maybe she's self denigrating or excusing her actions -- or some such thing, but it certainly doesn't help her or her friends to see her as a complex and variable human being
>
> Maybe you could try to put all that aside and just do what feels right for you as as if she were what she is --someone you know who is making you uncomfortable.Nice.
- Scott
Posted by Lamdage22 on October 13, 2016, at 5:56:14
In reply to Re: A borderline woman is living with me » Pontormo, posted by SLS on October 3, 2016, at 9:32:04
Well, she was intrusive again. I dont think she can do it.. (Keeping a healthy distance between us).
This is going to happen again and again.
Posted by Pontormo on October 21, 2016, at 19:47:58
In reply to Re: A borderline woman is living with me, posted by Lamdage22 on October 13, 2016, at 5:56:14
what did she do that was intrusive?
Posted by Lamdage22 on January 15, 2017, at 6:58:06
In reply to Re: A borderline woman is living with me, posted by Pontormo on October 21, 2016, at 19:47:58
> what did she do that was intrusive?
She wrote a christmas letter and signed it with "in love".
Posted by Lamdage22 on April 19, 2019, at 7:03:51
In reply to Re: A borderline woman is living with me, posted by Lamdage22 on January 15, 2017, at 6:58:06
This woman still contacts me although I told her not to. However, she is not living with me anymore. Thank god!
This is the end of the thread.
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