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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 25 of 35. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Lamdage22 on December 21, 2013, at 10:01:09
I feel so deeply out of touch.. I just cant make sense of life. I dont know if an antidepressant can fix this.
Every time something works for my depression i go outside of the clinic and come back with suicide thoughts. Am i sick of the clinic? Certainly. But im also sick of the life outside.
Am i damned to a lifetime of suicide thoughts. Why cant someone "brainwash" into having a good time in life.
Yeah i can try Parnate, but (i think) i will still rather be dead if im totally honest with myself. Maybe it is NOT a disease and thats exactly the reason why therapy cant make it go away?
Im a unfortunate existence.
Posted by gadchik on December 21, 2013, at 11:44:13
In reply to Is there a point to life, posted by Lamdage22 on December 21, 2013, at 10:01:09
It saddens me to know that ur feeling this way. Life is sooo rewarding. U have to find whatever it is that can give u joy. Maybe cliche, but go to the animal shelter, adopt a pet, take care of it, and it will get u out of ur own head. If that's not possible, go to a nursing home & make someone happy. Go outside & run as far & as fast as u can. Look around u, there's beauty every where.
Posted by Lamdage22 on December 21, 2013, at 12:01:18
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life » Lamdage22, posted by gadchik on December 21, 2013, at 11:44:13
> It saddens me to know that ur feeling this way. Life is sooo rewarding. U have to find whatever it is that can give u joy. Maybe cliche, but go to the animal shelter, adopt a pet, take care of it, and it will get u out of ur own head. If that's not possible, go to a nursing home & make someone happy. Go outside & run as far & as fast as u can. Look around u, there's beauty every where.
Yes an animal is a good idea.. Or taking animals from other people for a walk. Its just really hard for me to experience joy.
The only thing i know and am addicted to is comfort.
Posted by gadchik on December 21, 2013, at 12:08:21
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life, posted by Lamdage22 on December 21, 2013, at 12:01:18
U have to do something & the joy will come at some point. Ur brain has to experience it & then adapt. Of course u know that u also have to care for urself-eat well, sleep well, etc
Posted by gadchik on December 21, 2013, at 14:43:34
In reply to Is there a point to life, posted by Lamdage22 on December 21, 2013, at 10:01:09
If I came across too gung-ho, my apologies. I replied to u during an extended hike, & I get real assertive when I'm on one of those. I haven't considered what u have been thru recently or in the past. Nor do I know anything about ur current daily life. So I want u to know that I'm just sad that u feel the way u do. I wish u could have some joy. Good luck, my friend, I do know the pain ur in, even tho I got out of it, I will never forget how it feels.
Posted by Lamdage22 on December 21, 2013, at 14:44:34
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life » Lamdage22, posted by gadchik on December 21, 2013, at 12:08:21
Im thinking about leaving society and heading for a close to nature spiritual community.
I feel like every f*ck*ng year when my depression lifts, thats when winter comes crashing in again.
And i feel like thats what kicked off my psychosis. The change of climates. I was in SoCal and went back to germany for a month and came back to SD batshit crazy.
I could move to a sunny and warmhearted place to kick back and enjoy.
Watcha think?
Posted by gadchik on December 21, 2013, at 16:34:07
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life, posted by Lamdage22 on December 21, 2013, at 14:44:34
Wow,that place is somewhere I want to go. Would love to go there and chill for a month. It looks like heaven come down to earth. Give it a go!
Posted by Phillipa on December 21, 2013, at 18:37:56
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life, posted by Lamdage22 on December 21, 2013, at 14:44:34
I've heard Costa Rica is lovely. Can you afford the trip money wise? Phillipa
Posted by stargazer2 on December 22, 2013, at 14:29:04
In reply to Is there a point to life, posted by Lamdage22 on December 21, 2013, at 10:01:09
Not that I can figure out.
Posted by SLS on December 22, 2013, at 15:13:57
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life/No, posted by stargazer2 on December 22, 2013, at 14:29:04
> Not that I can figure out.
I make no claim to knowing the Truth.
For me, Life is its own meaning.
I try to actualize and revel in the moment to be one with the Universe as much as my illness will allow.
The Universe came into Existence. I don't know why. You are here. You might as well make the most of it.
"Get busy living or get busy dying." - "The Shawshank Redemption"
- Scott
Posted by stargazer2 on December 22, 2013, at 16:09:14
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life, posted by Phillipa on December 21, 2013, at 18:37:56
Really, if Costa Rico is the place why do you have to ask if someone can afford it? Isn't that up to them to decide if they can afford it or if the thought of going there is enough without making it an experience that they have to make it a practical decision.
Posted by stargazer2 on December 22, 2013, at 16:12:54
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life » Lamdage22, posted by gadchik on December 21, 2013, at 11:44:13
I've done all of these things without any improvement in my situation. It isn't always such an easy answer. Animals, nursing homes and nature don't always restore your will to live...sometimes the will to die is much stronger than the will to live. It isn't what I want but it is what it is.
Posted by baseball55 on December 22, 2013, at 19:29:08
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life/Posters, posted by stargazer2 on December 22, 2013, at 16:12:54
> I've done all of these things without any improvement in my situation. It isn't always such an easy answer. Animals, nursing homes and nature don't always restore your will to live...sometimes the will to die is much stronger than the will to live. It isn't what I want but it is what it is.
I have felt this way many times. I don't know if there is an answer. Sometimes I have hope, sometimes I don't. I try to keep connected in whatever ways possible. Sometimes that helps, sometimes it doesn't.
I wish you the best and pray you try to stay connected and keep, at least, posting and reaching out. That feeling of disconnection is the most painful feeling in the world. That feeling of wanting to give up is so painful, and so hard, too. Because suicide is not an easy thing to complete. The mind and body fight against it. I know. I have attempted suicide three times. I have spent weeks, months, in psych wards.
Keep posting, if you can. Keep trying. I wish you hope and peace. But mostly hope.
Posted by stargazer2 on December 22, 2013, at 20:21:52
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life/Posters » stargazer2, posted by baseball55 on December 22, 2013, at 19:29:08
BB. Thank you for your heartfelt comments. I have tried suicide only once (following my divorce in 2010), followed by ECT(2011), which really messed up my mind. In 2 week, I'm going to be part of a research trial of TMS but only a few treatments which concerns me but at least its something.
If I was still married or had a family I believe my situation would be more tolerable. The deression drove my husband away...he felt I never loved him which was possible given my inability to show love or affection to him. I thought he would just love me for me after so many years, it was a total shock that he wanted out. Now I find myself alone with few friends and no purpose in life. That is my mantra..."I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing"..without a job or family, life has no purpose and I'm not well enough to work so I do some volunteering, walk my dog, and little else. It is a intolerable.
Posted by Phillipa on December 22, 2013, at 20:56:10
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life/Posters, posted by stargazer2 on December 22, 2013, at 20:21:52
Stargazer what you have is more than many you are volunteering did that before nursing and loved it no pressure or stress, a dog is more loving than any human I've ever met, and you are outside moving around and doing things. This to me is what life is about. One doesn't have to prove their worth with a job. Been there done that now have to accept that this part of my life is over and will never be back as now retired. Phillipa
Posted by Lamdage22 on December 23, 2013, at 2:19:26
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life » Lamdage22, posted by gadchik on December 21, 2013, at 16:34:07
> Wow,that place is somewhere I want to go. Would love to go there and chill for a month. It looks like heaven come down to earth. Give it a go!
Thats what i thought. Going for a month and then deciding.
Its better than a home for mentally ill where i just suffer without end.
Posted by Lamdage22 on December 23, 2013, at 3:47:24
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life, posted by Lamdage22 on December 23, 2013, at 2:19:26
The only fear i have is that the meditation could set me up for yet another psychosis.
Idk. Really. If the place were only a bit less spiritual.
Posted by gadchik on December 23, 2013, at 7:25:21
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life, posted by Lamdage22 on December 23, 2013, at 3:47:24
Idk. Really. If the place were only a bit less spiritual.
Exactly what my husband said when I presented him with the idea of going there. But I believe u can opt out of most of the things. It looks lovely to me. :)
Posted by Lamdage22 on December 23, 2013, at 11:03:51
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life » Lamdage22, posted by gadchik on December 23, 2013, at 7:25:21
> Idk. Really. If the place were only a bit less spiritual.
>
> Exactly what my husband said when I presented him with the idea of going there. But I believe u can opt out of most of the things. It looks lovely to me. :)There are lots of other villages and especially unfinished projects.
I am researching the topic.
I love the idea of a mini-community. People from all countries and walks of life. Raw food. Jobs. Lots of group activities. Surfing. 12h sunshine year round.
How i would love to a place like this if it exists. I would want to blend in with the people.
Posted by Lamdage22 on December 23, 2013, at 13:13:01
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life » Lamdage22, posted by gadchik on December 23, 2013, at 7:25:21
> Idk. Really. If the place were only a bit less spiritual.
>
> Exactly what my husband said when I presented him with the idea of going there. But I believe u can opt out of most of the things. It looks lovely to me. :)I found two other places. One is finished and you can visit. Its called http://www.osamountainvillage.net/1000-per-month/
And the even better one in the future:http://www.serenitygardensecovillage.com
Looks pretty cool.
Lets meet down there ;)
Posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2013, at 13:53:38
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life, posted by Lamdage22 on December 23, 2013, at 11:03:51
you could volunteer someplace in the tropics. i've been looking into it a little and there seems to be a range of stuff... from really living with the locals to basically living with the tourists in the resort town.
Posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2013, at 20:38:02
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life, posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2013, at 13:53:38
one of the questions that got me interested in philosophy was 'what is the meaning of life'
if there is anything like a philosophical consensus... and there sorta is... it is this:
the relevant question is more... what do you find meaningful in life? what is it that you think makes life meaningful / gives life meaning?
here is one way to get a handle on that (perhaps)...
imagine that you are 105 years old. on your death bed. your time has come. organ system failure kind of thing. when you look back on your life... the most meaningful things you see are...
what?
what is important to you?
what would you like to do with your life?
what would you like to achieve?
what would you like to try and achive?
(better to try and have failed than never to have tried at all. i think... most of us see some glory and beauty and value in... for instance... athletes training... who never medal).once you know what things are important to you... then it is about figuring out (by a series of small steps) how you get from where you are right now... to wherever you want to be (where the idea is that trying to achieve that is something that you will value on your deathbed - whether you actually succeed or not).
but sometimes...
we don't feel like doing the things we believe.. we should do. the things that will make us happy (in the sense of the satisfaction we get out of doing / pursuing something we value).
on your death bed...
does that matter? does it matter whether you felt like it or not? if you don't feel afraid you don't get to display the virtue of courage. because courage is about *feeling the fear* and then *doing what you know you should do* despite the fear. if you don't feel the fear... you can't act from courage.
i think sometimes it is important to acknowledge and really make room for how things feel.
and i think sometimes it is important to feel that feeling - and act differently anyway.
and i think that sometimes... that acting different results in the feeling changing. and that even when it does not... it might result in our doing something that we would value. on our deathbed.
i don't know if any of that makes any sense...
the meaning of life: according to me haha. what is the meaning of life? doing things YOU find meaningful. that is the meaning of your life. it is what gives (you) meaning to your life. and really... that's all that matters. yeah?
Posted by Phillipa on December 23, 2013, at 22:17:14
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life, posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2013, at 20:38:02
My Mother died when she was 48 and I 17. She would always say if I'd only. So as soon as out of high school I did all the things I wanted to do. Traveled Europe, the Carribean, Mexico, Other Islands, San Francisco. I even visited her last living relatives in Germany. As I didn't want to be on my death bed and look back and say if only I had. Add RN School as a highlight the real meaning of my life, kids, and pets. Phillipa
Posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2013, at 22:48:11
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life » alexandra_k, posted by Phillipa on December 23, 2013, at 22:17:14
so now... where you are now...
what would you like between now and when you go?
what is important to you / what do you want for yourself?
Posted by Lamdage22 on December 25, 2013, at 4:16:51
In reply to Re: Is there a point to life, posted by alexandra_k on December 23, 2013, at 22:48:11
> so now... where you are now...
>
> what would you like between now and when you go?
>
> what is important to you / what do you want for yourself?I would like to reunite with my ex GF. But who wants to be with a sick man?
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