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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 3 of 3. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by emmanuel98 on October 30, 2010, at 21:03:04
I used to see my p-doc once a week for therapy. We did this for five years and I was so attached to him from the beginning that it frightened me.
Finally, last January, we ended and I gave him a thoughtful gift and card and we were supposed to meet just once every two or three months for meds.
But I came apart after 6 months of this and begged to see him again. We saw one another weekly all summer, then bi-weekly for a month or so and are now down to once a month. I find I don't miss him so badly this time. I felt like last summer, I was grieving him so badly it was tearing me apart. I hadn't really dealt with the grief of losing his caring and compassion on a regular basis.
When I started seeing him again weekly, I felt like he was angry about it. He never laughed or answered questions about himself. It seemed like he was protecting himself from me.
This week, I saw him after a month between appointments and he was so lovely and pleasant and upbeat and concerned about me. I was afraid that if I saw him this infrequently, he would forget about me, but he remembered every detail of our last visit(s). The problem now is that I love him so much it's painful to think about. I don't know what to do with all my intense feelings about him. Sometimes they make me absurdly happy, other times they make me desparately sad.
Posted by Dinah on October 31, 2010, at 13:42:57
In reply to Saw my p-doc after a month away, posted by emmanuel98 on October 30, 2010, at 21:03:04
I really admire how the two of you were able to take a few steps back when you weren't ready.
I suppose the process of grief will help you with the intense emotions. There are so many losses in life and there isn't much that can be done except to endure until it lessens.
I think your way is healthier than mine. I think I tend to lose the intensity and drift away rather than work through the feelings.
How does your therapist see it?
Posted by emmanuel98 on October 31, 2010, at 20:33:45
In reply to Re: Saw my p-doc after a month away, posted by Dinah on October 31, 2010, at 13:42:57
> How does your therapist see it?
I think the way he sees it is that, last winter, he had talked about cutting back to every other week for 4-5 months then maybe to once a month. But I decided that ending would be painful however I did it, so it would be better to just bite the bullet and set a date to end. He said, we could do that and we agreed on an end date 6 weeks away. I thought and thought about a gift to give him. I found an African stone sculpture of two figures dancing and bought it for him. Then I made out a card with a quote from Glen Gabbard comparing therapy to a dance and said thanks for dancing with me. It was a very nice and poignant ending.
I felt when I returned that I was returning with my tail between my legs. But he kept saying, it was your idea to end, not mine. So now we're just gradually cutting back, the way he recommended it the first place. Now that I experience all the grief and mourning for him over the spring and early summer, I feel much better prepared to cut back and be happy to wait a month between appointments without feeling the need to call him. So this is better. I think he thinks it's better as well.
This is the end of the thread.
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