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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 5 of 5. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by bil on March 8, 2007, at 19:57:25
and I don't know why. Don't even know how to put it into words, really.
I've known all my life- or ever since I can remember; that I was a misfit. Not sure why. My first memory of disassociating was when I was about 4-5 years old... but I don't have many memories. Just sadness. I think I've always been depressed.
Self-injury; self-loathing; hating myself all the time... I used to think that's just how I was.
I'm starting to understand that's just not 'normal'...(I saw a website listing the traits of a 'normal' family tonight, and I LAUGHED!! You've got to be joking, right??)But this is what scares me- we LOOKED normal. On the surface... but we weren't. I am just not sure why. I even tried to contact a close family member to ask them about some issues- their response was that they thought we were a nice 'normal' family... so why are we all so messed up??
So, so disfunctional. I don't know why, or how to even start trying to heal myself. I keep trying, but it's such a struggle.
No T. at the moment, (on the waiting list) so I keep trying to do things on my own. But I am so afraid, because I know (now) I didn't get this way on my own. WHY am I like this?? and how am I supposed to get better, when all I'm given is a T. who (ooohhhhh...sorry, but she used to drive me NUTS) is about as much use as a f*rt in a hurricane?
I HATE feeling like this- I am trying SO HARD to heal myself, but it's a bit like trying to find my way out of a cave, blindfolded and there are MONSTERS in there but I don't know where- I might grope my way right into them. Then what?
bil
Posted by Iwillsurvive on March 8, 2007, at 22:02:44
In reply to I am afraid...(trigger?), posted by bil on March 8, 2007, at 19:57:25
Sorry you so afraid Bil.
About the scarey monsters. It seems that they don't usu come until your ready to LET them come. See your whole life you been keeping them monsters at bay. And you can continue to do so.
IMHO the best thing you can do is learn coping skills to deal with hard times.
That book on the top of the page, "Feeling Good" is a good CBT book. I myself find it hard to figger stuff from reading, but now I am starting to figger some CBT stuff and it IS useful. There DBT stuff too. Minfulness and stuff. These are things its possible to research and do on your own, so when you do get a T, you've already got some coping skills in place for therapy.
I dunno if you on any meds or even need meds, but they can be useful as well.
Sorry I don't know your story too well.
Posting and asking questions on babble is of course a good idea also.
Take care.
Posted by Iwillsurvive on March 8, 2007, at 22:27:59
In reply to Re: I am afraid...(trigger?) » bil, posted by Iwillsurvive on March 8, 2007, at 22:02:44
Oh MAN! I tried to do those quote things and it came up with a kids book!?
Anyhow the authors name is David Burns.
Lemme try one more time:
"Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy"
Posted by widget on March 9, 2007, at 0:25:57
In reply to I am afraid...(trigger?), posted by bil on March 8, 2007, at 19:57:25
I understand what you are saying. I, too, have contacted my brothers and mother who say everything was boringly normal in my family. But, it wasn't. Sometimes, I thought I was going crazy or just was. That's how it is when you "know" something but no one will validate your feelings. Trust your feelings. Find a therpist. There are monsters, I know. But, they are toothless, memories of the real monsters who really hurt us. Its hard to be brave when you have been so brave all of your life and you don't realize all you have been doing and carrrying. But, you are NOT alone. I have been in the bad, yucky place and am finding a way out. This is not to say that I don't have my "blind" moments, but now I think I know they will pass and I am stronger. Believe in yourself. That is your strength. Warmly, widget ps. its ok to be afraid, you don't have to do it alone, who can?
Posted by Iwillsurvive on March 15, 2007, at 22:37:10
In reply to I am afraid...(trigger?), posted by bil on March 8, 2007, at 19:57:25
This is the end of the thread.
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