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Dr. Bob is Robert Hsiung, MD,
bob@dr-bob.orgShown: posts 1 to 8 of 8. This is the beginning of the thread.
Posted by Scentedgarden on January 10, 2007, at 5:44:42
sorry to be so dramatic but my |T was horrible to me yesterday, and im unable to function or go to my uni class or stop crying ..i wrote her 3 emails ending the therapy but was wise enuf to send them to myself...and not to her...its killing me this pain...i hate her, i want to hate her, i want to leave her, but i dont think i could bear to hurt her. we are too close, and if i say anything she doesnt like she con vinetnly blames my illness...and if she says something i dont like she blames my personality probs for not acceptinh her or what she says...
anyway yesterday was awful, and today i wanted to say to her...
--------------------------------------------------
dear therpist
i cant do this anymore
im nothing but a huge pointless pain in the *ss to everyone
goodbye
singed
your xpatientps thanx at least we tried, and for a minute there i thought id make it. plz forget me. im sorry if i hurt u professionally i never ment to
-------------------------------------------------i never sent it ...as i know its the stupidest thing to say/do
but my head is feeling tension inside its skull unlike any ive remembered in my life....i wonder if anyone else has a bad experience first day bacj?
or anything to offer here just as i am..?
scented garden -
Posted by Dinah on January 10, 2007, at 6:54:18
In reply to after first appt of the year i feel like im dying, posted by Scentedgarden on January 10, 2007, at 5:44:42
My first appointment back is often contentious. Not sure if it's him or me.
But if your previous appointments were ok, I'd give it some time. Maybe mention why you're angry or hurt in a calm way next time, and play it by ear from there.
Posted by Scentedgarden on January 10, 2007, at 8:50:13
In reply to Re: after first appt of the year i feel like im dy » Scentedgarden, posted by Dinah on January 10, 2007, at 6:54:18
thanks dinah , but this is more ....im so hurt that i know zero of her, and now ive spent money to find out more and it was a waste of money...
i think i have to hate her to survive this now...
we are ending soon supposed to be in 3 sessions...but she said shed extend the final date as id asked her to but she has come back from hols with boundaries sky high...and befoire hols she was all over me like a rash...remember my previous posts on the sexual attraction thing that goes on with us...i know you dont have that thing and only see as a parent but i have a little girl inside of me who sees her as her mummy too, and right now i cant face her again...i hate long goodbyes...and i hate her for f*cking about with the boundaries..i know she does it because she likes me...but i have to fight her so much just to treat me like a normal human being...sometimes other times like one day she said maybe shed tell me everything about her life..then next day she regretted saying it...and said she shouldnt habe ssaid it...i know she cares alot for me, and i hte her now...i hate her as a dr. as thats all i know an di just want to walk away but she has worked so hard on me she will be hurt, and i plan to nwrite a book on my therapy so how can i end the book if i dont have a proper ending.....? so if i keep going it will only be to come across as normal with no hang ups, as i know if i tell her im leaving she will just say thats my illness. and so on it goes...i know all this but im not coping with it well im in bed and i cant hardly be bothered to move or think of anything else andonly cry and feel like a nobody...who is going to be abandoned soon and i feel my therapy will be a waste of time after all these years.....
Posted by muffled on January 10, 2007, at 18:16:03
In reply to Re: after first appt of the year i feel like im dy » Dinah, posted by Scentedgarden on January 10, 2007, at 8:50:13
:(
Sorry it sounds so very hard.
Very, very hard.
But what you have learned from her is still in you.
You just freaking out.
I would be too.
It sounds like mebbe she trying to help with easing apart from you?
I dunno.
Mebbe you can talk bout it.
I wish I could say something clever and good.
Alls I can say is I feel for you.
And I wish you the best with this.
I suppose I should say, that though the feelings hurt so bad, they do ease and pass some with time.....hard to beleive....but I starting to beleive it some myself. Starting to...
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by Scentedgarden on January 11, 2007, at 18:14:00
In reply to Re: after first appt of the year i feel like im dy » Scentedgarden, posted by muffled on January 10, 2007, at 18:16:03
oh thank you muffly i think youre right
1 she is easing apart and i know its hard for her too.thats not to sound arrogant, i just know it.
2 the pain will lessen thanks for that... i cried so much i felt as if id done 100 sit ups.. the next day..
3 im sorry i forget 3 right at the moment.
GOd bless to you muff..
take care and thanks again i like you posting to me, bye byescented garden
Posted by Scentedgarden on January 11, 2007, at 18:20:06
In reply to Re: after first appt of the year i feel like im dy » Scentedgarden, posted by muffled on January 10, 2007, at 18:16:03
i remebered 3 now...
3) what i learn from her is so with me yes...
im hurting so much i cant talk right now..
this is the hardest i dont want to see her again...i dont deserve her.. im nothing compared to her..she helps epeople and all i am is a pain in the neck.. she has a lovely life and im alone..she deerves a good life...but im a nobody with nothing to offer anyone...sometimes like today and yesterday i just want to ....i cant write it here but its probably obvious ...i dont want to be here, because im not a nice person...
im selfish and horrible ,a nd i take from her..and im not ever going to be as good and kind as her...and i hurt now and i dont know...im in aplce i dont know...please anyone pray for me...if you pray pray for me...thank you
and thank you muffled ....
from
SG
Posted by muffled on January 11, 2007, at 21:42:35
In reply to Re: after first appt of the year i feel like im dy » muffled, posted by Scentedgarden on January 11, 2007, at 18:20:06
> i remebered 3 now...
>
> 3) what i learn from her is so with me yes...
>
> im hurting so much i cant talk right now..
>
> this is the hardest i dont want to see her again...i dont deserve her.. im nothing compared to her..she helps epeople and all i am is a pain in the neck.. she has a lovely life and im alone..she deerves a good life...but im a nobody with nothing to offer anyone...sometimes like today and yesterday i just want to ....i cant write it here but its probably obvious ...i dont want to be here, because im not a nice person...**So so sorry :( that your hurting SG.
I haven't had to terminate yet after bonding with a T, I can't imagine, well, I don't even want to think about it to be honest.....but, it must be very, very hard. It comes to my mind, that even though T is not dead, that it must be a grieving process to go thru. Hard, hard, hard.
But people do it. Somehow. They grieve, and somehow over time things ease up.... I don't honestly know much bout it. There is a grief board, but I don't think there's much that might be helpful there?
I understand what your referring to.
You are in alot of pain and feeling desprate. But DO know, that this does pass. The despratness. The pain takes awhile from what I gather, but it eases too.
Its not the end of the world, even though it must feel like it. But its not.
There is joy and happiness ahead for you. You just can't see it yet, but its there.
>
> im selfish and horrible ,a nd i take from her..and im not ever going to be as good and kind as her...and i hurt now and i dont know...im in aplce i dont know...please anyone pray for me...if you pray pray for me...thank you**I kinda not the best person for praying right now. I kinda having God isssues....but I will try and humble myself and pray for you. I dunno if He would listen to me, but I will try for you.
I'm not sure where all this untrue negative stuff you are saying about yourself is comming from. If it were myself, I would say I was lashing out in my anger and pain. And when I lash out, I tend to lash out at myself. But I expect you know, that these things that you are saying about yourself are untrue.
>
> and thank you muffled ....**thank you too SG.
I don't know the reason that you are terminating? But please give your T a chance to try and help you terminate comfortably as possible. To help you understand the process you are going thru. Its proly helpful for her too.
Don't forget, that if you feel you need more T, then you can either go back (hmmmmm, mebbe not such a good idea given the intensity???), or go to a new T????
There are some threads bout termination. Can't recall all what was said, but there was stuff where T and client exchanged small gifts to remmeber each other. Some seemed to gradually terminate with longer times btwn sessions, some T's seemed to allow limited e-mail or possibly phone contact, etc.
My thots and prayers(such as they are) are with you SG.
Take care,
Muffled
Posted by Scentedgarden on January 12, 2007, at 18:52:09
In reply to Re: after first appt of the year i feel like im dy » Scentedgarden, posted by muffled on January 11, 2007, at 21:42:35
thank you muffled, how am i going to go my next appt and face her.?
im doing it gradually and easing off from weekly through fortnightly...onto monthly...
next time is the last fortnightly...but i dont know exactly how many i will have after that..we have discussed the end for more thsn a year and neither of us bothered to take it seriously..we just jept going...
its diff to explain... as there are some things i cant say on here..nothing bad just too personal for me to share..as i feel i have already said enough and take n way too much of your lovely preciousness and your time...!!!
thank you so much for your prayer for me on my behalf...of course God will listen to you, and he always does...its easy just talk o him mlike a child...we all come to hime as children...thats how he likes it...so God would really like the child in you thst i gather you dont think anyone else likes..!
thank you for caring muffled...thank you so much...
if i ever feel i can be safe to open up more i maybe will..but i think what im going through is enough to explain without adding in a few mor elements to confuse the issue even more...
as it is you concern and care towards me is very lovely and touching , and im just crying my eyes ourt as i type this now...
plewase know im so gateful you are there...
and please know that i dont really know where all that stuff came from about me ...i am probably angry though and so im maybe being passively aggressive by anting to tell her how im nothing and she should see beter patients than me, as all i do is cause her hassle...
i jump about in sessions,, and i just dont act like a normal patient she tols me know one she sees says the things to her i say...or does the things to her i do...
anyway i stopped crying now... its one in the morning here on saturday morning...i gonna try resting...
oh muff, im so glad youre there and you care...
thank you ..! thankyou..!!!ssssoooooo much
you take care of yourself too please..
and God bless you.SG
p.s. donty worry about being annoyed with God he's deff big enough to take it all, and still love you more than you know..I sometimes shout too at him, but not out of irreverence...just frustration...when im at my end...but mnot this time..
this feels as if my guts are in agony..the pain is physically agonising...it has eased a little today...but it still there...i managed a little food as well earlier...
i cant describe tha pain...but its sharp and constant and i know it's emotioanl...it's right at the core of my being..the epi centre of my spirit so to speak right inside my guts where the spirit of a man/woman lives...
do you get my drift?
i dunno if you do, but im glad youre there.. and you care... and your honest.. and you share.....
HOW AM I GOING TO GO AND SEE HER NEXT APPT..??
WE ARE GOING TO DECIDE THE FINAL DATES...!!I COULDNT FO IT LAST TIME AS I WAS SO TIRED FROM OTHER THINGS GOING ON I COULDNT NEGOTIATE WITH HER..SO I MANAGED TO CONVINCE HER TO SORT IT LATER...BUT SHE SAID SHE WOULD HAVE THEM BY THEN, AND I SAID SO WHATS THE POINT ..IF YOU ALREADY WILL HAVE DECIDED...SHE SAID SHE WONT HAVE DECIDED...SO I FEEL IF I GET MYSELF TOGETHER AND WRITE TO HER AS I OFTEN TO ...I CAN NEGOTIATE A BRETTER WIND DOWN LENGTH OF TIME...
OH MY GOD I KNOW IF SHE READ THIS SHE WOULD KNOW ITS ME....BUT SJRE WONT WATSE HER TIME ON HERE..
GOOD NIGHT MUFF...
from scentedgarden x
This is the end of the thread.
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